Mary Levinson
by AmeliaEverdeen
Summary: Modern AU. Lady Mary Crawley has just graduated and is about to go to Oxford, the school of her dreams. But a summer fling and a dreadful incident may jeopardize all of that. She will have to go under the false name of Mary Levinson and realize that life without the privileges of her title is harder than she expected. -Dramatic turnpoint with inevitable redemption-
1. Never the same

_A/N: This idea came to me recently. I read an excellent Modern AU fic which is University Challenge by Silvestria, and wanted to give it a try. This chapter is more of an introduction, the background to the story, but in certain ways is also the heart of it. I hope you like it, and I would like to hear your thoughts about it. If I don't, I might not continue it because I'm sure it'll prove to be a challenge. Thank you in advance for reading it and enjoy!_

**Chapter One: Never the same.**

Do you ever feel like your life is spinning out of control? That it gets to a point in which it doesn't matter how much you want to make things right, you can only stand still and witness your own misfortune? That was exactly how Mary felt.

She had no idea that such a silly little act, a single moment of misjudgement would lead to her ruin. She had always been careful, proper, cold even. That's why she thought that surrendering to her desires for just that one time, could do no harm at all.

_No one will have to know about it._

She kept hearing those words in her head, hushed, rushed, in between sighs. Those words had been keeping her awake at night for the past month. Oh yes, one month. Only one month before.

No one will have to know about it. Until they did.

It was a misty morning when Mary woke up that day. It was 7 a.m. , not too early and not too late. She walked by the window and opened the damask curtains to reveal the familiar Yorkshire settings haunted by that early September fog. She loved being back a the house for vacations. It didn't matter how frenetic life in the outside world was, every time she was back at Downton Abbey she felt like going back on time. In a place and time where everything was just simpler.

She quit staring at the landscape outside the window and went straight to her personal bathroom. She waited for the hot water to fill the tub made with expensive marble from Italy and dove in. Mary knew she was a lucky girl. Even though most of the house was a museum now, she still lived in an aristocratic house. She was an aristocrat herself, which wasn't something very common in the year 2010. She was Lady Mary Crawley, first daughter of the Earl of Grantham and she loved it.

She finished her bath and covered herself with her soft bathrobe. In complete silence she got dressed, brushed her long wavy brown hair, and applied a light layer of make up. It was only then that she took a glance at the _Impressionists Calendar_ on her wall. It was the 2nd of September. Mary walked by the calendar and turned the page to the previous month for a moment, glancing at all of the red crosses marked over each day. The marks continued until the first of September and it was time for the second. Just a few boxes later, precisely on the 5th of September, instead of a big red cross, the day was circled multiple times. Mary reluctantly took the read marker from the desk nearby and drew a big red cross on the box which figured the number two.

The 5th of September, just a few days away, was the day Mary departed for University. And not just _any_ University, Mary had been accepted to Oxford. Just in a few days she would have packed her bags and joined the long line of aristocrats, including her father, who had enrolled in Christ Church College.

For years she had dreamed and dreamed, going through the brochures and the websites. Imagining herself walking in those remarkable cloisters, discussing Plato and Socrates with a handsome senior, while waving politely at some silly girl who was obsessively calling her name.

She should have been as happy as she had been in the past few months. She was still going to Oxford, her bags were still there at the base of the bed, half packed. But Mary wasn't happy. She couldn't be. She knew those bags were an illusion. They had to be. How could they be real? She simply couldn't still be going to Oxford,not after what happened.

Mary sat on the edge of her bed. She wasn't ready to go down for breakfast, not yet. Her mind wondered and inevitably landed on that day, the day her summer actually began.

It was the first of July, it was the day she would finally see her boyfriend, Evelyn Napier.

Evelyn and Mary had played together for sure when they were toddlers, but it was only when Mary went to boarding school that they saw each other for the first time. Mary was in all girl school, and Evelyn in the all boy school nearby. Both prestigious, of course, and both filled with sons and daughters of aristocrats and distinguished members of the British society. Mary was, without any doubt, the queen of her school. The prettiest, the most elegant and the most snobbish of all. Evelyn, on the other hand had all the qualities of a perfect english gentleman: the right amount of charm, politeness and wit. But most of all, he was going to be an Earl just like her father.

It was perfect, they were perfect for each other.

Years had gone by and Evelyn had gone to University, but they still kept dating one another, even from the distance. Mary had been very confident about it all. She considered herself quite good at it. She had no idea why all those girl at her school would complain about boys and relationships. Everything was so easy with Evelyn. They agreed on almost anything, he would send her the most lovely e-mails and best of all he didn't pressure her at all. They lived in a world very different from the one the showed on television. In their world, for a couple it was simply unacceptable to show such impropriety. That's why it was perfectly normal that even if she was now 20 years old, their displays of affections hadn't gone far from the chaste kisses they would exchange when they greeted each other. There was no need for more and that was it.

But in the summer of 2010 everything changed.

Evelyn was going to spend and entire month at Downton that summer, and since it would have been a bit improper and quite boring to be the only boy in house of all girls for an entire month, he asked if he could bring a friend with him. A turkish boy of the same age, the son of the turkish ambassador in London,who was going to spend the summer in England.

_I can already picture him _Mary had said to him on the phone _A funny little foreigner with a wide, toothy grin and hair reeking of pomade_. Evelyn had laughed at her snobbish remark but had answered _I wouldn't quite say that. But anyway, we'll be there in a few days and you'll see it for yourself._

An she did. _Oh boy,_ she did. When he first stepped out of Evelyn's expensive car, Mary swore she had never seen someone more handsome, more charmingly and quite frankly sexier than Kemal Pamuk.

That young man had everything shaped just in right way, from the line of his jaw, to his full lips, his wavy hair and his charming deep brown eyes.

A deep realization had hit Mary all at once: there was nothing normal about her relationship with Evelyn, nothing at all. When she looked at him, she would feel nothing beside affection and respect. When she looked at Kemal, _well_... she didn't know where to start.

The days that followed she decided to keep those feelings locked inside of her, at least for propriety's sake. But she couldn't help sometimes, to smile very brightly at something he said, to glance at him with desire when no one else was looking. But it didn't take too much time for Kemal to notice, and with Mary's stupor, it didn't take that much for him to start responding to those looks with the same intensity.

It was a beautiful summer's day during the most boring garden party, that Kemal had brought her in a secluded place between some very high bushes behind the house. Before Mary could ask the reason for their isolation, Kemal had put a finger on her rosy lips, his eyes were burning with desire. That gaze and that perfectly shaped face made Mary feel like she was completely naked. When their lips met and his hands were traveling insatiable throughout her body, she almost wished she was. He didn't say much after their little rendez-vous, but the following days whenever he was looking at her like that, she knew she had to go behind that rose bush again and wait for him.

No one in the house, especially Evelyn had suspected a thing, some of the servants perhaps, but Mary had decided not to think about it. It wasn't like she had committed a grave sin, those were just innocent kisses. Except there was absolutely nothing _innocent _about them. But the point was that, regardless how passionate she felt about Kemal, no _real harm_ had been done yet. And just in a few weeks he would be gone. Back to Turkey. Mary would've never seen him again. He would've disappeared from her life the same way he got in it.

But apparently Kemal wouldn't be satisfied with just few kisses before he was gone. He had been preparing for a while, testing Mary and her potential. A couple of nights before their departure he had sneaked into Mary's room. _What are you doing here?_ She had asked in warm but scared voice. _Don't worry_ , he had whispered walking her to her canopy bed _No one will have to know about it_ he whispered tracing kisses all over her neck. Mary had finally given in and Kemal had made his priority to please her in every way he could think of. It was right after they both moaned for pleasure, that in the process of letting himself go beside her, Kemal let out a sigh and left the world of the living, his eyes still gazing at the ceiling above them.

What happened after the dreadful realization that she was laying beside a dead man, went on too fast and too slow at the same time. She started to scream before she could be able to control herself. Her mother and Evelyn, recognizing her voice, had ran as fast as they could only to find her half naked, staring at the beautiful stranger, laying lifeless on her bed. The questions from her parents, the comments of her sister, the explanations given by the coroner, all sounded muffled to Mary's ears. She had completely shut down and so did Evelyn. He had left the day after without saying a word, if not of gratitude for her parents. He hadn't called or written to her single word and Mary couldn't quite blame him at all.

_Natural causes, natural causes, natural causes_ .

She kept hearing the coroner's voice inside her head. Even if the cause of Kemal's death had been a heart attack, she still couldn't bring herself to be eased by it. She had been made different by it, and she was sure she would never be the same Lady Mary Crawley ever again.

She took a deep breath and gathered herself on her own two feet, it was time to head downstairs. Still, while she walked down the stairs she wondered how the papers still hadn't breathed a word about it. How could she still be able to go to Oxford after all. Whatever it was, Mary sensed that something was coming, she could read it in her father's eyes that morning at breakfast.

Both Edith and Sybil were still sleeping soundly upstairs, so Robert and Cora took the chance to speak to her daughter alone.

"Mary, honey" her mother's american accent called her "We want to talk to you about Oxford". She knew it. It was too good to be true. She wasn't going to Oxford after all, she would maybe be sent to an all girl college again where-

"Your mother and I have talked about it a lot" her father intervened "First we thought about sending you to study in America, but it's too late to apply to any good school now..."

"Plus" Cora added "We realized how much Oxford meant to you, so..."

"We decided that you should go to Oxford after all" Robert finished the sentence as Mary's eyes widen "But there's one condition after all."

"Name it! I will do anything!" Mary cried happily.

"It already settled. You will go to Christ College just as planned, but you won't go by the name of Lady Mary Crawley. You will be Mary Levinson."

Mary dyed down her excitement and frowned "What if they recognise me?"

"We have thought about that of course and luckily you haven't been exposed to the public eye just yet. Whatever happens no picture of you will be released, I'll make sure of that" Mary was processing all of those informations " Also, there's apparently no one that you could know at Oxford right now, so you should be safe."

Cora smiled "Isn't it great, honey? You will get to go to Oxford after all."

"But..." Mary blurted out " If I won't be Lady Mary Crawley, I won't be asked to the Oxford's society events, I won't get to go to those clubs you told me about for so many years..." she cried to her father's grey expression.

"I'm afraid you are responsible for losing that privilege , my dear."

"You will still go to the University of your dreams, there's nothing better than that." her mother came to her and held her lovingly. Just when Mary finished to dry her tears, Edith and Sybil walked through the door.

The 5th of September arrived and Cora and Robert watched both proud and worried her daughter loading the trunk of her car with all of her luggages. It would have been very difficult for her, they both knew it, but she at least would have a normal University life, protected by the Oxford bubble. Mary gave a kiss to her parents and hugged her sisters and jumped on her newly washed car, and Robert watched her until the car disappeared in the distance.

Edith and Sybil ran quickly back into the house and took a set of car keys from her pocket.

"Where are you going?" Cora asked.

"I've got to head to Ripon to see this new lawyer" Cora's eyes darkened "They say he's young, but he's practically a genius in this field. And that he's very discrete, of course."

"I wish you would have told her before she went." Cora whispered sadly.

"She was already skeptical about the whole different name thing. If I told her that Pamuk's family is suing and threatening to make this an international incident, I'm sure she would be devastated."

"Maybe you're right."

"Let's just wait until she settles, until she makes new friends and is happy there. Then it will be time to get serious and include her in the conversation." Cora agreed and gave her husband a gentle kiss.

_Let's give her a fresh start _she thought _before the past comes back to haunt her_.

_A/N: I want to specify that I know nothing about the British University System being italian, so I hope you will bear it with me in the next chapter. What did you think? Comment please! xoxo_


	2. Human Rights and Biodegradable Bags

_A/N: Thank you sooooo much for all the favourite, follows and the encouraging reviews! Really that is what prompted me to update it so soon! In this chapter you'll see new characters surfacing, hope you like it!_

**Chapter Two: Human Rights and Biodegradable Bags**

Those had been absolutely the worst two weeks of her entire life. Not only her father had ordered her to completely abandon her identity for a story which hadn't been printed yet, but he had also forbidden her to live in the student dorms. He had instead picked a spacious flat in the city center, which was way too big for one person, and had arranged for a cleaning lady to come twice a week to keep the flat in order. At least her father was right about the maid, but what about everything else? And how was she supposed to make new friends?

_During lectures _her mother used to tell her on the phone. _Yeah, right_. Mary wasn't exactly used to initiate any type of conversation. Everyone usually knew her name and were instantly compelled to say something witty to interest her. But this way, in each of the few courses that had started, Mary had found herself wondering around her waiting for someone to speak to her, even if it was just to borrow a marker.

One day in _ Ancient Greece History_, she even raised her hand and gave her opinion, hoping to catch the attention. After that lesson, as she walked out into the beautiful great cloister of Christ Church, she had a guy chasing after her. He had reached her and started to talk about her intervention on Thucydides. It wasn't Plato or Socrates, and he wasn't exactly a handsome senior, but it was as close to her fantasy as she could get.

But it was in the moment when she met this guy's eyes, while she was talking excitedly, that she noticed he wasn't listening to a single word she was saying. And his look, well... Mary knew that look very well now. Annoyed and sad, she ended the conversation quickly and refused to give the guy her number. She put her headphones on and blasted some jazz in her ears.

She had tried to use the car in town, but it was completely useless. It would have taken twice the time and it would have been a nightmare to park. So it had resorted to that: Lady Mary walking. Yes, walking and going into the grocery store. If Edith could have seen her, she would have never stopped making fun of her about it.

She looked a the shelves puzzled and then thought that six packs of noodles would have done for at least the rest of that week. As she walked by the stalls, chasing after the check out, she ended up loading her cart more than she expected. She wasn't so happy about having to load those smelly biodegradable bags all by herself, but decided not to show her disappointment. She had to do those things herself, it was the only way she could have recovered her parent's respect.

As she walked out of the store and turned right to reach the building where she lived, she began to feel the poorly balanced weight of her shopping bags, she had to take that third bag after all. Few seconds had passed from when she noticed the handles were stretching too far to when they actually broke, leaving her groceries to land on the floor. She looked at them for a while, trying so hard not scream. She thought the singer in her ears was doing that well enough. She took a deep breath and knelt down to start collecting everything. She almost jumped when a few minutes later, she noticed a blond girl kneeling down to help her. She had a nice smile and her nose was reddish for the cold. Mary saw her mouth moving, but couldn't ear a word because of her ipod still playing.

"Wait" she warned her, pausing the music and getting rid of the headphones "I'm sorry, what were you saying?" she asked politely.

The blonde girl chuckled "I said you should get a fabric shopping bag to reuse. These ones are good for nothing."

"Oh thank you" Mary hushed " I thought it was me being stupid."

"Not at all" she smiled " Everyone has suffered from the biodegradable curse at some point."

_Everyone?_ Mary thought, well... this girl hadn't certainly lived her whole life at Downton Abbey.

"Here" the girl took something from her bag, it was a folded fabric bag. She opened it and started putting Mary's groceries in it.

"Oh no, please! You shouldn't even be helping me in the first place!"

"Nonsense! How do you think you're going to carry all of those things without it?"

"But" Mary hesitated "How will I give it back to you? How... how can I repay you?"

"I'm going to walk you to your dorm or flat, don't worry about it"

"Thank you" Mary finally said, surrendering to her kindness.

They walked together to Mary's flat and the girl ended up helping her ordering the grocery in the kitchen, so Mary insisted that she stayed for tea. It was the least she could do.

"My name is Anna, by the way" the blond girl said as Mary was putting the kettle on "Anna Smith, do you have a name?"

Mary laughed " Mary C- Levinson, Mary Levinson" she blabbed.

"Wow! Levinson? Are you maybe related to the Martha Levinson of that big american film industry? Levinson Entertainment?"

_Oh_ Mary sighed, _she was_. Martha Levinson was her grandmother from her mother's side. She had been a star back in the 60s and was now producing all of those incredibly commercial teen movies.

"Sadly, no" Mary fake smiled. Her father had suggested she didn't even mention her American relations, just in case someone was able to do the math.

"That's a pity" Anna teased " I could have seen you hanging out with those vampire zombies actors."

"Why?" Mary asked amused.

"I don't know. You have that _superstar_ aura going on. From you features to your class." Anna smiled.

"Thanks, I guess?" Mary said opening a shelf door behind her. She took an orange can and showed it to her "Do you like this one?" the box said _Ceylon_.

"Love it" Anna answered.

"Me too" Mary smiled, opening the new packed can. When she finally got rid of the cover, and extremely puzzled expression came to her face " What is this?" she gasped "I thought it came in bags!"

Anna came closer to her and looked at the can "You need to have a filter for this" she informed her.

"I'm afraid I don't have that" Mary cried mortified "What can I do? My God I'm such a mess!"

"Don't panic!" Anna chuckled " Take a strainer. You know that one for the icing sugar" Anna noticed that Mary's expression was still puzzled " You should have it here somewhere, may I?" she asked eyeing the drawer. Mary nodded. "Here it is!" Anna said triumphantly putting the strainer on the kitchen worktop. "Now we put the herbs into the hot water and then we filter it with the strainer".

When the tea crisis was averted, they moved to the living room and started chatting about this and that.

"You have to admit it's pretty ridiculous" Mary said "I invite you to repay you for your kindness and you end up making tea for the both of us."

"I already told you, it's fine" Anna chuckled "But I have to admit that I've never met anyone who had troubles making tea." they both laughed as Anna glanced at the text book on the coffee table.

"I'm taking that class too" she said after taking a sip of her tea "Human Rights Law"

"Oh, really? Cool!"

"Are you a law student? Because I'm in management, I'm taking that class for extra credit."

"No no, I want to be a journalist. But I'm taking that class because I want to write about all sorts of thing, you know... Not just doing commentaries about dusty old books and shakespearean plays. Although I love those dusty old books to the bits" Mary smiled.

"It seems very interesting. And I hear professor Murray is pretty cool. It starts on Monday, doesn't it?"

"Yes" Mary nodded "Which dorm are you in?"

"Oh, actually... I'm living nowhere right now. I had my Oxford admission pretty late and I wasn't hoping too much to get it at all. So I never signed up for any dorms, and now I'm desperately seeking for a room while I stay at a bed and breakfast."

Mary thought about it for a second, but before even realizing it, her lips were moving and she was asking Anna to move it. I was crazy, but Mary had never been more comfortable with anyone else. She hadn't even realized that tree hours had passed! She had never met someone like Anna, so kind and sincere. Someone that had decided to help, not because of who she was, but simply because she needed it.

"But..." Anna blabbed in disbelief " Don't you have to ask your roommates before?"

"I don't have any roommates" Mary simply blurted out.

"Are you kidding me?" Anna cried. That place was huge! "Thank you Mary! This is really too kind of you!"

"You have been too kind to me" she smiled "Time for some payback."

"Ok" Anna cried excited "I have a four hours shift at the coffee shop, but I'll start packing as soon as I finish!" she came up to her and hugged "Thank you! Thank you!"

"When you are done call me, so I'll came and pick you up!" Mary said " I need a good excuse to drive my lonely car in this town!"

͠

The following days Mary couldn't wait to be done with the lectures to go and help Anna settling down. She had found out it had become her favourite part of the day, being with Anna. They didn't need much, but they always had so much fun together. And Anna knew a lot of stuff about managing a house, in short Mary's act of kindness had revealed to be a very smart move too. Her father hadn't been so happy to hear about the news of a roommate at first, but then he was just glad that Mary had found a friend at Oxford.

"Mary, I'm going!" Anna announced monday morning " Class is at 12, right?"

"Yep" Mary said finishing up her bowl of cereals.

"My shift ends at half past eleven. I'll try my best to be punctual!"

"I'll try to save you a seat!" Mary smiled as her friend walked out of the apartment.

Mary arrived at the classroom quite early and realized this class had to be pretty popular, because the room was already crowded. She snuck between people and chairs and arrived safely at the first row, which traditionally was everyone's last resort. But Mary didn't care for all of those high school crap, and found the first row to be extremely useful, especially for a Law class in which you had to be extremely observant. She took a seat and kept an eye on the seat right next to her.

When it was almost twelve, the professor had already come in and was starting to set everything for the lecture, but Anna was nowhere to be seen. With an eye on the seat next to her, Mary noticed her iphone was buzzing.

_Just got here, I'm in the back_ Anna had texted her.

Mary turned around and looked for her with her eyes. When she found her, she waved at her to catch her attention. But when they both finally saw each other, Mary noticed that a guy with blonde hair and a pretentious smile had stolen the precious spot. Mary lifted her shoulders disappointed, and Anna mouthed that it was ok. Mary snorted and took a notebook from her bag.

"Hi!" the blonde guy said cheerfully.

"Hi" she responded, her tone gradually reaching her snobbish _Lady Mary tone_.

"Excited about this class?"

"I guess" she tried to cut short that jerk's cry for attention.

"What have I done to you?" he asked visibly amused.

"You took my friend's seat."

"Oh, I'm sorry" he chuckled, revealing his perfect white teeth "But she shouldn't be late. You will learn it soon enough" he smiled.

Mary was lucky that Professor Murray had started his lecture in that very same moment, otherwise she might have been rude. The professor gave an introduction speech and explained the highlight of the course that they were about to undertake. Mary started taking notes and could feel the guy's gaze on her. He, on the other hand, wasn't taking any notes at all. What a pretentious jerk.

Then Professor Murray talked about his assistant and the contribute that he was going to give to the class.

"He is young and he has majored in Industrial Law, but he made a serious outbreak in the matter and seems to be one of the rising stars in the topics of international conflict of interest and embassy law."

"Are you excited about it?" the blonde guy teased her.

"_Please_" Mary answered bitterly "I can't believe how anyone could think that a major in industrial law can be remotely interesting at all." she blurted out as snobbish as ever.

The professor was continuing his speech "Matthew, please, would you come up here and explain to us what your contribution will be about?"

Professor Murray looked in their direction, and with Mary's stupor and horror, the pretentious jerk smiled at her and reached the professor near the board.

Mary's jaw dropped as Matthew introduced himself to the class and started his own speech, shooting occasional smirks in her direction. Mary was so annoyed and pissed to have found his speech quite interesting after all.

͠

Matthew finished to collect all of his thing and bid Professor Murray goodbye. Maybe this part-time thing at the University was going to be fun after all. Even if... well... it was Oxford. He went out and reached for his bicycle while glancing at the students exiting the class. That pretty brunette was nowhere to be found. _Boy_, _it had been fun teasing her! _He laughed as he cycled to his flat.

Oxford wasn't so bad after all, maybe it was really what he needed after the last oppressive months. After twisting the key in the lock, Matthew threw his bag and scarf on the sofa and reached for his cellphone in his pocket.

_Four missed calls_. Three were from Lavinia of course, but the fourth were from a number he didn't recognized. Since it could have been something important, he laid on the sofa rubbing his eyes, and dialed that number.

"Oh, Lord Grantham! It's a pleasure" he cried, sitting back properly as if the man on the speaker could see him "Yes, I am done moving. I will e-mail you the new law firm address as soon as I can. You can send all the papers there. Ok. Thank you. A good day to you too , Sir." he let out a loud groan and laid himself back on the sofa.


	3. Tabloids and Laurel Trees

_A/N: Hi guys! My gosh I love your reviews, thanks! They inspire me so much to keep going! I want to thank in particular that guest who told me all of those useful informations about Oxbridge. I knew for sure that I had messed up something, and I'm sure I will again considering a couple of things I had planned. That's why I need you to understand that what you'll read about Oxford in the next chapters is completely made up, and it will probably be far from the reality. But I hope that you will bear it with me for the sake of this just being a fanfiction after all ;) . About the cycling tradition, I did know about it and I'm actually going to address it in this very chapter! Well I'm gonna leave you to it, enjoy and until the next time!_

**Chapter Three: Tabloids and Laurel Trees.**

Matthew looked at the alarm clock on the nightstand, it was way past ten o'clock. He let out a sleepy groan and pulled himself together after dueling with the bedspread for almost five minutes. He opened the curtains, and thanked for the foggy british weather which hadn't blinded his eyes. As he walked freely in his flat, being all but productive, he couldn't help but thinking how Lavinia would have totally disapproved of this behavior.

_Right, Lavinia_ he thought.

He turned on his mobile and discovered that there were more missed calls, all from Lavinia. He let out a sigh and decided it was time to call her after all.

"Hey Lavinia, it's me-" he said recognizing her voice.

"Matthew! Honey I thought something might have happened to you! It's been almost two weeks since the last time I heard from you!"

"I'm fine, I've just been busy."

"But you could have called!"

"Lavinia... I thought we talked about this."

"I know, but I just wanted to make sure you were alright. You must hate it at Oxford."

"It's not so bad..." he decided to dodge the topic and asked her "How is you dad?"

"He's doing much better. We are finally beginning to get used to London."

"I'm sure you are going to love London eventually. It's louder than Manchester, but there's so many things to do and see."

"I know" she said in a low voice "I suppose I just miss you."

There was an awkward silence after her last sentence, but he tried to keep the conversation going for a while, only to tell her politely he had some files to study in the end. He actually did have the files from that Lord Grantham and a stash of papers to correct, but that wasn't the whole reason he wanted to dodge that conversation.

Matthew and Lavinia were having a so-called _break _from their six years relationship. They had been high school sweethearts back in Manchester. She was a couple of years younger and she had remained faithful to him when he had gone to Cambridge only to follow him a few years later. It had been so nice at first: she was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen with those angel features, and she had chosen him out of everyone. They seem to agree on everything, he knew he could be a bit pretentious sometimes, but Lavinia was so good she could undertake everything. But being a good loving girlfriend sometimes wasn't just enough, and things had got quite boring. Especially when he had finally got his license, their relationship had reached a very flat point. The problem was that they both had very different ideas on how to move forward.

Matthew knew, he could read it in her eyes, that she wanted to start a family, get married even. But he had felt so trapped lately, like he couldn't even breath and even if his mates from college would tell him that it is pretty standard for a man to feel like this before the great step, he just knew it wasn't right to rush things before he could figure out what he really wanted.

Sure he loved kids and would have loved to have some of his own at some point, but he felt like he had so much more to give, so much more to do and enjoy before he could really start thinking about settling down. He was 24 years old for Christ's Sake! In the end he couldn't lie to both himself and Lavinia, it just wasn't right.

When that call from his old Professor from Cambridge George Murray came, he felt like he was being freed from a cage. It was the opportunity to breath some new hair and get some perspective. Lavinia was going to do her masters degree in London anyway, so they had both decided to take some times off. If he had come to work in her father's firm, _it would've been better _she had said, but being in the same city and working for _her _dad out of everyone, would have compromised the whole concept of _taking a break_.

Lord Grantham's files caught his eyes and pulled him away from his daydreaming. That was definitely something way more prominent to be frustrated about. He had almost been obliged to take the case from his contact in Ripon, and he had to admit it was a very interesting case for the path he had chosen to specialize himself in. The only thing was that he really couldn't be bothered with the silliness of the british aristocracy. It amazed him how they could still be able to cause so much troubles, international incidents even, in the year 2010. They were really the Country's cancer. But of course Matthew was never going to voice those thoughts aloud, he wasn't after all an extremist or a republican for that matter. The truth was that his thoughts came from his frustration, frustration because he knew very well what was coming. He just hoped he had made enough calls to minimize the damage.

Mary gasped as she finally found the place. She panted as she finally stepped into the Red Lion, praying it was the right place after all. It was a strange name for a coffee shop, it sounded more like a pub.

"Mary! Over here!" she heard Anna's familiar voice and sighed in relief. She headed to the counter where Anna was finishing his shift.

"Hey! I'm here safe and sound!" Mary panted.

"I was starting to give up on you!" the blonde chuckled.

" I know, I know... But the professor went on for more than expected and I lost the bus. Now these shoes are killing me" she complained.

"You have to be mad to choose to go to class in those heels!"

"But they're designer shoes!"

"All the more reason!" Anna laughed as a man from the other side of the counter approached them.

"Am I missing something fun?" he said in a very composed voice to Anna.

Anna smiled and Mary noticed her cheeks were going a little red "John, this is my roommate Mary!" she explained.

"Oh the _life saver_!" he cried miming Anna.

Mary chuckled and shook his hand " She's the only life saver here, believe me. It's a pleasure to meet you John" she said politely.

"Oh, John" Anna began " do you think I could take a break? I don't want to monopolize the counter, talking to Mary."

"Sure, don't worry! You haven't taken your lunch break anyway!" he said and Mary suddenly felt so guilty for her delay.

Anna smiled and got rid of her apron. They took a seat not far from the counter and John, the owner, brought them coffees and muffins _on the house_.

"It's a very nice place" Mary stated looking around the shop. The atmosphere was very mellow and light hearted "It's nothing like the coffee shops near Christ Church."

"That's because they're full of snobbish people from the high society."

"You really think they're so bad?" Mary asked a bit hurt. It would have killed her that her newfound best friend thought badly of her former people.

"It's not that I think they're bad, don't get me wrong. But they do tend to be a little bit exclusivist, I mean- they don't really like to get mixed up with people who are not from their world."

Anna had to be the most good-hearted person she'd ever met "I suppose you're right" she agreed " They've never spoken a single word to me."

"You could always come to have lunch here" Anna suggested.

"It would be nice I'm sure" Mary agreed "I would never make it back to lectures on time."

"You would if you know... _You used a bicycle._"

"I already told you I don't do bicycles!"

"And I don't understand why! It's an Oxford tradition, and you love those!" she paused to catch Mary's annoyed expression "I wouldn't have brought this up, If I hadn't found a brand-new bicycle in your garage"

_What?!_ Mary thought, but then she realized that her father must've had that arranged as well, to give here the whole Oxford package.

"The thing is" Mary began clearing her throat "I... I- _don't know how to ride a bike._" she blurted out in a voice so feeble, almost like she had revealed one of the secrets of the Crown of England. Anna chuckled at the situation, but Mary shoot her a deadly look "Please, don't make fun of me."

Anna nodded "You can ride a horse, but you can't ride a bike" she voiced in disbelief.

"I told you not to make fun of me!" Mary cried.

"I'm not, I'm just shocked" Anna smiled "Well, you have to learn!"

"I'm not risking falling with my face on the ground in Christ Church!"

"Then I'll teach you!" she sang " We'll go out of town for a picnic on Sunday and I'll teach you how to ride!"

"Really?" Mary asked " You're a true angel, Anna!"

"It's nothing really! But you have to promise me we're gonna go out a little more in the evenings!"

"Ok..." she groaned " But we have to avoid bars where either preppy people ignore you or creepy old men send you drinks, I'm not doing that again!"

"They weren't all so bad! But you're right, we have to find a better place to hang out!"

"Refill?" John popped out of the blue with a pot of hot coffee. They both handed him their mugs and thanked him. "I'm afraid I overheard you talking before" he began.

_Oh God, please not about the bicycle._

"There is this place I want to show you" _ok it was about the bars _"I think you're going to fit right in."

"Really?" Anna sounded excited "Where is it?"

"Ehm... it doesn't really work like that. Look what about you come here after closing hour on friday night?"

"I have this Welcome Cocktail thing at Christ Church" Mary intervened before Anna could open her mouth " and Anna promised to come with me and save me from isolation."

John smiled "It doesn't matter, you can come after that."

"That's right!" Anna cried " Thank you John, we'll come for sure!" the exchanged a warm smile and John went back to the counter to serve the clients.

"What is it with you?" Mary cried to Anna's puzzled expression "Are you really giving in to a creepy 35 years old man's proposition?"

"John is not creepy!" Anna cried upset "He was just being nice!"

" He invited to young girls to his shop after closing time. Not to mention he wouldn't tell us where he actually wants to take us!" Mary pointed out.

"He's not like that!"

"You have a crush on him, and that's ok. I'm only telling you to be careful!"

"I don't have a cr- Whatever! He invited us and we're going!"

"Fine, I have the police on speed dial anyway..." Mary teased her.

Anna had to finish her shift even if it was just for half hour and Mary waited for her. They waved at John on their wait out and before heading home they stopped at Tesco. While Anna was hunting down whatever they needed for dinner, Mary wondered in the magazine section. It was there between Kate Middleton's plans for the wedding and Lady Gaga's weird outfits that she spotted it. It was _him_, Kemal. There was a picture of him in the papers.

Mary suddenly felt her heart racing and room spinning around. She fairly confident she was about to have a panic attack, but she was lucky enough that before she could start gasping for air, Anna had appeared by her side, with a hand on her shoulder.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes" she said breathing heavily "The heating in this place is unbearable!" she explained.

"I am done, do you need anything?" she asked.

"No, we can go to the check out".

Friday morning Mary woke up feeling quite cranky. She hadn't slept much in the past days. The lines of that mean article about Pamuk had played over and over in her head. She hadn't actually believed that they would have printed the story.

"Good Morning Princess!" Anna greeted her from the kitchen counter, handing her some orange juice "Do you have any classes?"

"Not until 3 pm" Mary blabbed "Are you about to go to work?"

"No, I have the day off" she smiled fixing some breakfast for her friend "What is it with your mood these days? Aren't you a tiny bit excited about this fancy cocktail thingy? You were last week when we bought those dresses!"

_Oh right, the cocktail_. Yes she had been very excited to be able to socialize with her freshmen class in a smaller environment, but that was before _the scandal_ had broken. She had seen those papers all over the classes, the cafés and the library. And to top it all, everyone was talking about it! A dirty scandal involving a young woman from the aristocracy was just what everyone needed to forget about the mistakes of their own. Luckily, just as her father had promised, no pictures of her had been disclosed, but the name _Lady Mary Crawley_ had been printed in every single one of those issues. Mary was so afraid that at some point, some way, someone would have stood up and pointed at her for being the offender of such scandal. The scene had played in Mary's head multiple times in different scenarios, no wonder she was feeling that cranky.

"I get it" Anna broke into her head bubble "You're not very talkative this morning. But I meant to ask you... Did you buy this magazine?" she eyed the magazine featuring her scandal on the first page.

"Why?" she asked nonchalantly.

"I just don't really like how these magazines are making so much money with the story of this poor Mr Pamuk."

Mary's heart missed a beat "What... What do you think about it?"

"About tabloids? That they should be banished! That is absolutely not the way mass media should work. They should inform people on important things, not laugh about other's misfortunes!"

"I didn't mean that. I meant about the story. About the death of this Turk."

Anna gave Mary an inquisitorial look " Well... To be honest I don't think we should have opinions about it, but for the sake of this conversation I'm going to tell you that to me, this article is written completely in the wrong way."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean think about this girl. This Lady Crawley something. If you put her title aside you have a girl falling for a handsome foreigner. He came into her room and after he spent the night with her, he died in her bed. Think about what it must have been like! One minute you're kissing a man and the other he's dead, by your side! I don't think I would've handled it! I would've gone completely insane!"

Mary felt her eyes tearing up and Anna looking at her puzzled. Before her blonde friend could speak, she dropped her spoon and ran to hug her as strong as she could.

Mary told Anna everything. Everything about Evelyn, her misguided feelings for Kemal, the look of horror and disappointment of her mother when she found her. She told her about the fear and the loneliness in having to completely give up her past life. How hard it was to be in your own world only to feel a complete outsider. And Anna _listened_ to her.

She didn't start asking question after question like Sybil, she hadn't shoot puns at her like Edith and she hadn't started making recommendations like her parents. She just stood there and listened. Until Mary had really nothing else to say.

"Mary" she then said " I don't care about what you did. I only care about the fact that you're my friend and I love you. A couple of noble ass jerks don't want to talk to you? It's their loss. I'm glad for Mary Levinson, if you had been Lady Mary Crawley our paths would've probably never crossed".

She was right. If none of this had happened, she would have probably been a stuck up bitch judging everyone inferior of her. She realized she was glad for Mary Levinson too, because she had been way more real than Lady Mary Crawley ever was.

It was almost time to go. Mary and Anna had put on their cocktail dresses and were finishing applying their make up. Mary was still looking at herself in the mirror in disbelief. She had no idea Anna was good with hairstyles. The updo she had done for her was both simple and sophisticated, and it was perfect for the Christ Church freshman cocktail.

The event was held in the dining hall, yep the very same where the shot Harry Potter. Mary thought that Sybil would have been thrilled. The room was crowded with students and faculties, and Mary was so glad that she had brought Anna with her. Every conversation anyone had with her had lasted about three minutes, most of them were pretty bored after acknowledging she was completely worthless. Plus whenever they overheard someone talking about the scandal, Anna would her hand and didn't let go until they were gone.

Later in the evening, after the dean's speech, Mary noticed someone who looked slightly familiar.

"Do you know him?" Anna had asked.

"He's the Duke of Crowborough" Mary specified "I'm pretty sure our mothers arranged a play date when we were kids."

"Would he be able to recognize you?" Anna asked worried.

"Oh I don't think so. I recognize him only because his father died recently and his picture was in the papers."

As Mary finished that sentence, the Duke had turned and walked towards them. Mary and Anna both gasped. In the end he only had flirtatious intentions because he'd heard she was a Levinson. His enthusiasm had sadly dyed down quickly after she'd told him she wasn't in any way related to the Film Industry.

"There's a rumor in the society in London that his father has left them more debts than money" Mary explained Anna " and he's seeking for a fortune wedding in a fellow Oxford student."

"That's so sad" Anna cried "I didn't think these things still happened in the 21st century."

"The still happen within my people" Mary admitted "Especially when the title and the estate is at risk... _Oh My God no!_"

"What is it?" Anna asked alarmed "Did someone recognize you?!"

"No!" Mary said quickly turning her back " It's that pretentious bafoon of an assistant!"

"Who? Mr Crawley?" Anna asked as Mary nodded "I think he's cute!"

"Cute?! I thought we had already established that he was a jerk!"

"Oh Mary! If it is still about that first day, I don't think he still remembers your snarky comment. There's more then a hundred students in that class. Plus, with all of those girls asking him question after the lesson's over, I don't think he will remember you out of everyone!"

Oh, that's right. Every girl in that class was daydreaming about that pretentious Matthew Crawley with his perfect blonde hair and his piercing blue eyes. But she knew better. She knew he was just pompous silly middle class lawyer who loved the attention he was getting. Not to mention the fact that he shared her last name, that was probably what Mary hated the most about it. But before she could finish her internal monologue, Matthew had dodged his previous company and was now heading in their direction. Mary decided to have faith in Anna's words and act like she hadn't even seen him.

"Hi! It's Mary Levinson, right?" he said, causing her to turn around.

"Yes" she said nonchalantly " and this is my friend Anna Smith" she added.

"Nice to meet you" he said smiling and shaking Anna's hand "You're in Professor Murray's class too, right?"

"Yes, Mr Crawley."

"Oh please, call me Matthew!" he replied nicely as Mary rolled her eyes "So Mary..." he then said startling her "Did you find my intervention the other day _remotely interesting at all_?" he shot her a smirk as he remarked his last few words.

Mary tried to keep her cool and not to give into his teasing, but took her time to give Anna one of her deadly looks. Anna did her best not to laugh her face off. How much she would have given for a bowl of popcorn at that very moment.

"It was ok, I guess." she said without facing him.

"I'm asking you this because, you see, I was very surprised to find you quoting me in your paper."

"_What_?"

"I'm Professor Murray's assistant, you must know that I do correct the papers before he grades them." his grin was so wide Mary knew he was enjoying this way too much.

"I merely did what the Professor asked" Mary's tone had become quite snobbish "It must have been a pretty good paper for you to remember it out of everyone else's."

"Oh I don't know, I'm pretty good with names. Regarding the paper... well, it was a bit conservative for my taste." he smiled hardly acknowledging Anna's presence.

"Anna, do you remember about that Latin Literature class I told you about?" Mary said at some point, apparently changing the subject. Anna nodded without letting the two of them out of her sight. It was too fun, she didn't want to miss a single facial expression.

"We are discussing Ovid's Metamorphosis this week."

"I rather like Ovid" Matthew stated, mostly to show her that he did know what she was talking about.

"You see... I've always been really fascinated by the tale of Apollo and Daphne" she said with a grin.

"Whatever do you mean?" Matthew asked trying to read her expression.

Anna looked at the two of them carefully, she knew Mary well enough to know she was planning something. And that something didn't look good at all given the serious look she was giving Matthew in that very same moment. Triumphantly, the black haired beauty said:

"She was a strong, independent woman had tried to tell him politely that she wasn't interested. But he was full of himself, he was a god so he thought that he was better than anyone else, and decided not to stop pursuing her. In the end she was so annoyed that she preferred to be transformed into a laurel tree rather than having to listen to one more word from him." he tone was so snobbish, her words so sharp sounding even mean, she was out of control.

Matthew felt completely interdicted by her assertion. You could have read in his eyes that he was just toying with her, that he didn't mean no harm after all. But he didn't know exactly how to respond to _that_. Finally it was Professor Murray himself who relieved the tension by calling out for him from the other side of the room. Matthew quickly wished them a pleasant night and reached his superior.

"_Finally_" Mary commented.

Anna's jaw dropped "Mary!"

"What? I told you he was a pretentious jerk!"

"He's a bit pretentious ok... But I don't think he was the jerk tonight!"

"What..._me_?"

"Say what you like but I think he was just trying to make friends."

"Make friends? He likes to torture me, that's all!"

"I don't think so. I've watched him, it doesn't look like he has so many friends here."

Mary glanced at him in the distance, he was talking to men 20, 30 years older than him and he still had that hangdog face he had when he left.

"Do you think I was mean?" she asked starting to feel guilty.

"Let's just say that if your words could cut, he would be in a pool of blood by now."

"Wow Anna, you do know how to make someone feel better about himself!"

"My pleasure" it was Anna's turn to grin now "Can we go at John's now?" she had her puppy eyes on.

"Fine" Mary sighed "If John decides to molest us, I can always cut him with my words".

When Mary and Anna finally spotted the banner of the coffee shop down the street, they ran for the remaining mile. It was cold to be wearing only those cocktail dressed and their coats. They reached the shop and saw the all the lights were off. Anna tried to open the door or ring, but there was no answer.

"Well, we tried" announced Mary "Now let's get home before we freeze ourselves off."

"No, silly... I have the key." Anna searched in her purse until she found it and stuck it into the lock.

"Anna, you're such a good person and I love you, but we're going into the wolf's lair right now."

"Oh Mary, you can be so judgemental some times!"

"I'm not being judgemental! But an older guy invites to young girls at his shop after closing hour, and the shop has all the lights down … this is a recipe for disaster!"

"John!" Anna called ignoring Mary once they were inside "John, it's Anna and Mary!"

_Well _Mary thought _at least we're not freezing anymore_.

Anna tried a couple of times more but there was no answer. A few minutes later they heard the sound of steps. Mary grabbed Anna's hand. A muffled voice took shape near them, even if they couldn't grasp where it came from.

"_John someone's here_" the voice said, it sounded like a boy.

_Tap tap tap_. More steps. And then a linear light came from the storage room's door.

"Anna?" now the could recognize John voice.

"It's us John, Anna and Mary!"

"Come into the storage room!"

_Great, just great._ Mary couldn't believe how naïve her friend was! What was this? Some kind of orgy? Mary thought that she could have probably defended herself with a good kick with her five-inch heels. She stood behind Anna as they entered the storage room. It was a pretty standard storage room, but of course smaller than the one at Downton Abbey. Mary watched Anna gasp when she saw the end of the room. A set of shelves had apparently been moved to reveal the top of a spiral staircase. That was where the light was coming from, and now that they were closer, the music.

At the top of the stairs John was waiting for them.

"You made it!" he smiled as they came closer and greeted them.

"What is this?" Mary asked.

John laughed at her impatience "You'll find out soon enough. Although I have to say that you're a little bit overdressed."

Anna lifted her hands to the back of her head and started removing pins until her blond silky hair fell down her shoulders. She did the same to Mary's hair. "Is this better?" she asked John quite flirtatiously.

"Much better. Now follow me."

He led the way down that spiral stairs. The light and the music became stronger and stronger as the went down and was joined by the sound of people chatting. As they finally reached the destination, Mary and Anna gasped at the look of that place. It was a wide room with soft lights. There was a pool table to their left, a strangely shaped bookshelf, tables, chairs two sofas and a piano in the end of the room, that was where the music was coming from.

Mary was both surprised and relieved that the room wasn't filled with middle aged men, like in her worst case scenario, but with who appeared to be university students.

"What is this place?" Anna asked with wonder.

"I know you would've loved it. It's the place where all of the kids who are not in those exclusive upper class clubs hang out."

"Hey!" the guy who was playing the piano approached them "Are these the girls you were telling us about?" the cheerful boy asked. John smiled and nodded "My name is William, it's very nice to meet you!"

"Nice to meet you William. I'm Anna Smith and this-"

"We don't do last names when we're in here. It's the golden rule, it doesn't matter who you are" William shook Anna's hand.

"Then it's Anna and Mary" Mary intervened shaking William's hand as well.

"This place is so cool, isn't it?" William asked excited "It's so cool that John's letting us hang out under his coffee shop!"

"I agree, it is very cool." Anna smiled at John "But why all the secrecy?"

"I don't think John exactly has the licence to host a student bar..." William said.

"Especially I don't have the licence for all that alcohol" John teased eyeing at the "bar".

"Don't forget we don't have a licence either" a thick irish accent had joined the conversation "There's a whole absurd bureaucratic path to get the recognition as one of the official Oxford's Student Clubs... Well not that they would give _any _licence to me!" he laughed and was joined by William and John.

"These are Mary and Anna" William informed the new member of the group.

"Oh, I know her" he said pointing at Mary "My name is Tom" he said shaking both of their hands "Nice point you made in Human Rights class the other day." he said to Mary " It was a bit _conservative_ for my taste, but nonetheless very well put."

Mary smiled "Thank you" she said as she remembered the very same words spoken by Matthew.

"Tom is the wild card in this place" William explained " Always against the system" he laughed.

"Always!" Tom shouted visibly tipsy.

"But then again you came to study here" Mary teased.

"Well" Tom laughed "It's a pretty good place to get an education!"

John and the others showed them the rest of the place and introduced them to people, Anna even found Gwen, a girl she had many classes with. It was a nice evening, the laughed and danced and sang even. For those few hours Mary forgot about Downton, her boarding school, the Debutante Balls and all of those nonsense from her former world. It was nice to be just Mary for one night. No title and no last names.

Sunday morning Anna had practically thrown Mary out of bed. She had already all prepared for their picnic in the country side. Mary reluctantly had a shower and got dressed and then helped Anna loading the car's trunk with her bike. They drove for less than a hour and settled in a nice park. It was a very nice sunny day and the girls couldn't stop talking about the secret club. They'd had been all saturday and still couldn't stop. They had so much fun there and were already making plans for the next time that John was going to host. Mary had apologized to Anna about her misjudgement and was now talking wonders about the people they had met there. She was sure that her daddy would've screamed if he'd found out she was hanging out with that kind of people in an illegal setting. They weren't bad people anyway, they were just not her usual crowd. But Mary realized that that was what made that secret club so interesting, that made it work: no one fit with anybody else, they were all individuals and they were not going to apologize to anyone about who they were. Mary had decided to follow the same philosophy.

"Now, quit daydreaming and jump on it!" Anna called her.

"Anna... are you sure no one will see me?" she was scared.

"Really Mary? Come on! Don't be a baby!"

Mary mounted on the bike and started to cycle slowly while Anna was helping her maintaining the balance.

"I will leave you shortly" Anna announced "but you have to keep going" the cycled a little while and then Anna said "3...2...1..." when she left her Mary was unprepared and fell on her side. Both girls laughed and tried several more times. In the end Mary managed to keep the balance.

"I'm doing it! I'm doing it, Anna! I'm doing it!" Mary shouted as she kept cycling around.

"Go Mary! Whoooohooo!" Anna cheered her following her by foot.

Not too distant from them Matthew was enjoying a novel under a tree. He was distracted by the sound of laughter and thought he recognized those voices. He lift his gazed and noticed the blonde girl and the brunette laughing and running around. Matthew recognized the two students from his class. He observed them laughing and having a good time, and decided not to intervene. Instead he smiled to himself and returned to enjoy the novel on his lap in that beautiful sunny day.

_A/N: Yes! I did it! You have to excuse me, but I had my dad in town and he kind of distracted me :P I hope you really liked this chapter, and the way some familiar faces pop up! Tell me what you think about the M/M dynamic, Mary and Anna's friendship, the scandal's outbreak and of course John and the secret club! I hope I've interested you enough to keep reading!_


	4. Expensive Coats and Extra Credit

_A/N: Hi guys! Here's the new chapter for you! It's slightly shorter than what I planned but I wanted to post it tonight! I'll add the last scene in the next chapter, it works better this way anyway :) Thank you so much for all the reviews! I love to read what you think of the developments, this way I enjoy writing the story even more!_

**Chapter Four: Expensive coats and Extra Credit.**

The days that followed Mary realized that, being now a proper Oxford student cycling all around town, she needed to readjust her schedule. However, that tuesday morning, the thought didn't cross her mind at all, so she arrived to Christ Church very early. She parked her bike and popped into the class, only to find no living soul in there. So she decided to go spend her time in the Dining Hall, which wasn't opened to the public yet, so it was meant to be beautifully peaceful.

She entered the Hall completely empty and stopped to stare at the sunlight coming through the colored glass windows, which projected a beautiful interplay of colors along the entire length of the tables at the center of the room. She was so lost in admiring those colors and shapes that the sound of the door opening for another visitor completely startled her. It took her just a quick look to realize it was Matthew Crawley, Professor Murray's assistant. Mary turned her back quickly hoping not to be recognized, it was way too early for one of their confrontations.

"I'm very sorry, miss. I didn't mean to startle you." he said very politely, showing he hadn't caught his companionship's identity.

Mary reluctantly turned to face him " No problem" she said and saw his expression changing as he recognized her. Mary couldn't tell if he was either frightened or thrilled.

"Are you having a Harry Potter moment in here? Gushing over the very same spot where Daniel Radcliffe sat?" he was facing her with grin.

Mary sighed. She might have been rude that past week, but he really didn't know how to keep his mouth shut, did he? She decided, however, not to give in to her sharp tongue.

"Not exactly" she said calmly "I really love the colored windows. I think they're so beautiful."

Matthew stopped and smiled at her, this time there seemed to be no mockery in his words "Which ones are your favourites?"

Mary pondered for a few seconds "I think the ones featuring Alice, but that's maybe because I see some much of myself in Alice these days..."

"Do you?" he sounded interested.

"More than you know. Ever since I came here, it felt like stepping through the looking glass" Why was she telling him those things now? He was not her friend, he was nobody in fact, and she was supposed to despise him.

"Those words coming from you sound very strange" he chuckled.

"Why?" _was he teasing her again?_

"Because... I don't know, you look so fit for this place. Like you belong here."

"Do you really think that?"

Mary's eyes on him were intimidating. They made him think carefully on how he was going to respond, but he couldn't look away. They were so dark and bright at the same time, so intelligent. Matthew found his mouth dry so he nodded.

"Look, Mr Crawley..."

"Matthew" he corrected her almost unconsciously.

"Matthew …I'm very sorry about the other night." she seemed sincere "It's just that I have a lot on my plate and I took it out on you."

"It's fine" he blurted out " I shouldn't have picked on you either."

"No it's not fine. I really need to get a grip. Stop brooding about my fears.."

"Why don't you apply for that extra credit work for Professor Murray?" he interrupted her " To keep your mind off things..." What was he doing now? Was he doing his job and helping out a student? Or was he really just finding an excuse to see that girl? That Mary Levinson? What was so compelling about her? She was really beautiful, he could see that but it wasn't exactly what drew him to her. What made him go after her even if she apparently despised him.

"I'll think about it" she said twisting that perfectly shaped lips into a smile, her eyes lighting up. Matthew noticed that she was one of the few people he'd met who could also smile with her eyes. He always thought you could say so much from a person's eyes, and those were a fine pair of eyes filled with mystery and charm.

"I looked it up, you know" he said without even thinking.

"What?" she asked curiously.

"Apollo and Daphne."

Mary laughed thinking of her majestic act of bitchiness at the Cocktail Party "Did you now?"

"I did" he said smiling and turning his head to the Hall's windows "It turns out that Apollo was a victim of Eros's vengeance" he began " Apparently Apollo had mocked Eros for his playing with bow and arrow instead of a real weapon and Eros took two arrows, one of gold and one of lead. The leaden one was loaded with hatred and was shot at Daphne, whereas the golden one loaded with love was shot at Apollo."

"Where are you going with this?" she responded with a grin.

"Well... I'm just pointing out that _Daphne_ might have liked him after all, if she had the chance to meet him properly." his piercing blue eyes were now facing hers. The light coming from the windows was making his golden hair and his wry grin shine.

"I guess we'll never know, won't we?" she replied with equal wit.

They both turned their head at the room once again, smiling to themselves. Mary took her mobile out of her pocket to check the time.

"Blimey" she cried "I came here because I was early and now I'm late" she explained to Matthew. She put the mobile in the bag again and put her coat on.

"I'll see you class tomorrow, then" Matthew said.

Mary smiled and waved at him while she exited the room.

* * *

The day after Mary arrived at Human Rights Law class early as always. She took her usual seat at the first row, took a sip of water an then started to go through the notes on her notebook. The class was beginning to fill up when she felt a hand on her shoulders.

"Hey" Mary turned to see her roommate Anna sitting in the place next to hers.

"You're early, what happened?" Mary asked excited.

"John finally found the way to change my shift" Anna explained cheerful.

"That's nice! I don't have to pretend to be a good student anymore" she joked eyeing at her notes.

"Oh look!" Anna cried patting her arm.

"What?" she asked trying to understand what she was looking at.

"_Apollo_'s here" Anna joked turning back to her friend.

Mary gave her an annoyed look and then noticed that Matthew was looking at them. When their eyes met he gave her a warm smile and she responded smiling and nodding.

"What is happening right now?" Anna asked puzzled.

"What?"

"Why aren't you giving him the _look_?"

"What look?"

"You know … the _Lady Mary Look_!" Anna laughed and got the Lady Mary look all for herself.

"Well... he might have caught me in a very fragile moment and I might have apologized to him..."

"Oh... I _see_. So now he's cool?" Anna was going into her inquisitorial mojo.

Mary decided to dodge the question "He suggested I sign up for those extra credits for Professor Murray, you know to keep my mind off things..."

"It's actually a pretty good idea" Anna voiced, thinking her friend could have used some work to keep her mind off the magazines that were still fueling the scandal "But aren't you afraid you're going to get too close to a certain _pretentious jerk_ we both know?" Anna asked with a grin. Her eyebrows were going up and down like in a third rate comedian's piece.

Mary bursted out laughing "Please stop that!" she said tapping on Anna's arm "But just so you know, that is _never _going to happen!"

"Why?"

"I don't know! I guess I'm just not into it!"

"You are not into blonde hair and blue eyes? A charming smile and a bright future?"

"I don't know!" Mary responded annoyed "But I'm starting to think you are!" Why was Anna fixing so much on this, on him? Mary didn't know anything about this guy, _hell _she didn't even consider him _tolerable _twenty four hours before.

"Why are you insisting on my non existent love life, when you are the one who's denying having a crush for real?" Mary asked.

"You know what? It's true ok! I do have a crush on John, and I'm done lying to both you and myself. Mary I just want you to be happy. I want you to be more honest with yourself about your feelings, because if you don't you won't be happy. And you deserve all the happiness you can get."

"And I'll try to be, I promise. But there's just no feelings to be sincere about for now" it was the truth, she didn't have any clear feelings for Matthew yet. Now that she had decided she wasn't going to hate him, she could see the appeal to him. He had very silky blonde and hair and eyes of an incredible shade of blue. He did have a charming smile, and his face didn't have harsh lines like most men, they were gentle making it more beautiful than handsome. She had to admit (but she was never going to say it aloud), she had felt some kind of a spark between them in the dining hall the day before. She had realized she liked to be challenged, it hadn't happened so often to her. But all that said, she really didn't know anything at all about Matthew Crawley, apart from the fact that he shared her surname but wasn't a relative (she would have known) and that he enjoyed going through latin literature just to prove a point. The rest was an absolute mystery: the charming young assistant who didn't look completely at ease in Oxford. With Mary's stupor, she realized that she did feel intrigued by that mystery after all.

The lesson started and Anna and Mary abandoned their frivolous topics to concentrate on the board. As the lesson ended, Mary noticed that Matthew wanted to come and say hi but was swept away by the usual crowd of girls asking for clarifications. Mary and Anna packed their bags and went by the Professor's desk where Mary decided to sign up for the extra credit. As she looked for the pen to sign the paper sheet she caught Matthew staring at her once again, but their gaze was interrupted by a hand patting Mary on the back.

"Hey there!" Mary recognized the unmistakable accent.

"Tom!" she greeted him, hurrying to sign the sheet.

"It's nice to see you both girls in here!" he said while they were exiting the class "Are you coming to the meeting tonight?"

"Sure!" Anna squealed.

"We couldn't miss it!" Mary smiled as the three of them were recovering their bikes.

Anna and Mary laughed at the absurd stories Tom was telling them while they were still walking by their bikes on the pavement. They turned the corner and saw a group of people circling a duo. A few of them were laughing, the others were just witnessing the whole show.

"Isn't that Gwen?" Tom asked and the two girls recognized the ginger hair in the distance. The three of them sped up their pace to get closer, Mary and Anna recognized the Duke of Crowborough.

"Please don't do it! I don't have the money to buy another one!" Gwen's hoarse voice cried. The Duke was standing in front of her, two of his friends were holding Gwen's bicycle.

"You should have thought about that before you spilled your drink on my ten thousand pounds coat!" he said snobbishly and with a pocket knife he cut the bike's tire.

"Son of a b-" Tom cried starting to move in their direction, but Mary stopped him. She approached the ginger haired girl instead. Anna and Tom were puzzled.

"Give the bike back" she said in a strong posed voice.

"Look we think you're hot so we won't do anything to you, but stay out of this."

"She's my friend" Mary blurted out "I mean it, give it back!"

"You know, you girl should be more careful with the value of things of others, you live in Oxford now! I don't of course expect you to realize how much everything I'm wearing is actually worth..."

"Well maybe..." Mary interrupted him " You shouldn't wear those precious clothes everyday... Given what they say about you..."

"What do you mean?" there was panic in his eyes.

"Oh, you know... The rumor that is all over London." Mary was fiercely holding the gaze. The Duke didn't know how to respond and his companions were starting to give him puzzled looks.

"What is going on here?" Mary turned to see Matthew who had just arrived.

The Duke gave the order to release the bike and he handed it to Mary "Nothing Mr Crawley, nothing at all."

Mary smiled and gave an apologetic look at Matthew, as she walked Gwen to their friends. The crowd quickly dismantled as Matthew turned his head, the greedy Duke and his gorillas were nowhere to be seen and Mary, Anna and the guy he'd seen with them in class, were comforting the poor victim. He decided to give Mary and her friends some space and was quickly off.

"Don't worry about the tire Gwenie" Tom said as she sobbed "I'll fix you up with a new one from the shop, free of charge!" Both Anna and Mary smiled at Tom's kindness.

"Thank you" Gwen said " and thanks Mary"

"No problem at all" she smiled as she patted her back, when she turned her head Matthew was gone.

* * *

"So just like that?" Mary asked puzzled while they were mounting on their bikes that evening "You'll go to him and ask him out? Tonight?"

"I'm very straight forward, Mary. I've not been taught how to be a lady like you."

"Yes, but... shouldn't he be the one pursuing you?"

Anna chuckled "We're not in the middle ages anymore, Mary"

"Yes, but is it so wrong that I find it more romantic? If it's the guy who wins the heart of his beloved."

"There's nothing wrong about it, but you'll be surprised how shy and naïve men are these days. You could be stuck waiting for them to make a move for a long time".

Mary pondered on Anna's words while they cycled to the coffee shop. Pamuk surely hadn't made her wait, it was quite the contrary. But her newfound wisdom could tell her that what had happened between her and Kemal Pamuk had nothing to do with what Anna was talking about. Pamuk didn't love her, he didn't even care for her if he was going to jeopardize Mary and Evelyn's relationship. It was lust and from both sides. She didn't love him either which made her just as deprived as he was.

They parked their bikes and went straight into the shop and then down the spiral staircase. The atmosphere was as lively as ever.

"There she is!" William laughed and called out for Mary.

"What is it? What have I done?" Mary asked puzzled.

"Gwen was telling us how you stood up for her this morning!" William informed her.

"Oh you should hear how sharp her tongue can be!" Tom intervened laughing while he was approaching with John.

"I've had the pleasure to witness it more than once!" Anna joined the general laughter.

"It was really nothing. That guy really needed a taste of his own medicine" Mary smiled.

"It wasn't nothing Mary" Gwen cried " You saw all the people there, it wasn't just those posh boys... There were other people, you were the one who thought I was worth standing up for!"

"That's not true … Tom was ready get his hands dirty as well"

"That's because he's irish and loves a good fight!" John joked and punched him in a friendly way.

They kept chatting and while Anna was trying to get John's attention, William looked quite distracted.

"What about a pool game?" Tom proposed and with Anna's disappointment John accepted.

"Wait guys! We haven't introduced Daisy to the girls yet!" William said looking at the back of the room.

"Oh right" John said "Daisy!" he called. A tiny girl approached them from the back of the room, she showed them a shy smile which lit up William.

"Daisy I wanted to introduce you to Mary and Anna. They are our new entries but we are already very fond of them."

"Nice to meet you" she whispered.

"Hi Daisy! I'm Anna!"

"And I'm Mary" she smiled " What's your major?"

"Oh no, Daisy's not a student" John specified.

"I bake the cakes for the coffee shop" she smiled " I work at Patmore's Bakery in Regent's street."

"They're so good, aren't they? The cakes." William intervened overexcited.

"Very" Mary answered William to make things less awkward.

The boys headed to the pool table and Daisy went to her friend in the back of the room. Mary and Gwen sat on the sofa comforting Anna's disappointment.

"What is it with all of you tonight?" Mary cried as Gwen giggled "You trying to get John's attention and William doing his puppy eyes for that girl Daisy!"

"Ahaha love's in the air" Gwen commented.

"It is" Anna grinned "but for her too" she punched Mary affectionately.

"Really? Do tell Mary!"

"What? There's nothing to tell!"

"Mr Crawley, Professor Murray's assistant has thing for Mary" Anna gossiped giggling for the wine.

"Anna! You're still on with this!"

"Is he the faculty who broke up the fight today?" Gwen ignored Mary as Anna nodded "He's cute!"

"What is it with everyone!" Mary cried as both girls laughed.

"Mary stop denying it you too realize that Matthew wants to get into your pretty designer pants!" Anna's statement was followed by a hiccup.

"You're drunk honey!" Mary laughed at her friend's tipsiness "But Matthew hasn't got those intentions. Plus I don't think it would be proper... him being a faculty." then her phone buzzed and she took it out of her pocket. It was an email alert.

"Who's that?" Gwen asked as Anna peeked.

"What? Matthew Crawley? You gave him you number and didn't tell me?! You little bitch!" Anna started to laugh hysterically.

"It's his gmail account silly!" Mary specified as she read the email. It was strange, but in a certain way she was disappointed that the formality of that message agreed with her version of facts. Matthew was being the Professor's assistant and nothing more.

_Dear Miss Levinson,_

_I have the pleasure to inform you that Professor Murray has accepted your application for the extra credit activity. You'll have to come to the study three times a week starting monday after class._

_Greetings,_

_MC_

_A/N: I know this is somewhat of a transition chapter, but I hope you liked it anyway because I'm very excited about what's coming next! Looking forward to hear you feedback!_


	5. Fathers and Girlfriends

_A/N: Here's to you a new chapter of decent length this time! As always I thank you for your kind reviews and welcome the newcomers. Thank you for being crazy enough to indulge me! For those complimenting my writing style, thank you so much you don't know how much it really means, since english is not my first language! Well all this said, please enjoy the new chapter!_

**Chapter Five: Fathers and Girlfriends**

It had been an interesting weekend. On friday Anna had woken up with biggest hangover ever. Luckily she didn't have to work, so Mary could take care of her in between her classes. It wasn't the first time she had dealt with the consequences of a night of drunkenness, things inside a boarding school can get quite boring. She hadn't, of course, helped anyone herself, it had been mostly others helping her or her witnessing someone helping somebody else. It was the first time she had gotten _her hands dirty_, and she was happy it was for Anna.

The other unusual part of her weekend was how many times Sybil had texted her and tried to call her. It wasn't unusual that Sybil would complain about their parent's strictness and be absolutely dramatic about it, but something told Mary there was more to the story. For starters she wondered how she managed to call her and text her so many times. You didn't usually get so much time with your mobile phone in boarding school, not to mention how bad the reception was. But the strangest thing was that, every time Mary tried to ask here directly what was actually going on, Sybil would turn incredibly evasive and cut the conversation short.

Filled with all these thoughts, Mary stepped into the kitchen on Monday morning, after she had showered and got ready.

"You're up!" Mary cried surprised to see her friend up and about. Anna had been in ice cream and romcom duty all sunday.

" I have to go to work today."

"Didn't they change your shift to the afternoon? So you could make it to lesson on time?"

"One of the other employees got sick and I really need to be there." she sounded very serious.

"Can I ask you what happened? Or you'll threaten to bite me again?" Mary stole Anna a smile. Apparently on thursday night, while being completely drunk, Anna had spoken to John in the end but both Mary and Anna were completely oblivious of the content of her speech.

"I still haven't talked to him after thursday. On friday he was working and I was not and on saturday it was all the other way around. You bloody well know how I spent yesterday. My God I don't know how to face him!" she brought her hands on her face.

"Look it doesn't mean anything. He might have just thought you were drunk, which you were. Plus... you were so confident that night, where has it all gone?"

"I was stupid, that's what I was! What was I thinking? He's my boss!"

"You were just being spontaneous. Come on, you don't need to be so moody about it! John is a good man, I don't think he would completely severe our relationship just because of a drunken speech." Mary opened a drawer and picked her pink thermos "And I don't want to be the friends that fills you with false hopes, but I've watched John and think he likes you too." Mary started to fill the thermos with tea.

"I don't know Mary. I thought so too, that's why I was to determined to make a move, but he didn't call me the whole weekend. He just texted if I could come in this morning."

"Look, it's no use talking about _what ifs_. You go in today and face him. And if it's necessary, you text me and I'll bring more ice cream after I'm done with the extra credit."

"Right!" Anna lit up all at once " It's today!" she grinned "That's why you look so cute today! You want to impress Matthew!"

"For your information, I'm going to work for Professor Murray, Matthew might not even be there. I've been thought that looking good at your first day of work is a perfect business card." she spoke her words solemnly.

"I know, I'm just messing with you!" Anna laughed "But I really like the leather shorts and the blazer!"

"I wanted to go with a dress originally, but then I thought about the bike... and plus it would be too showy."

"I'm sure Matthew wouldn't mind" Mary threw a scone at her "Alright, alright I'm sorry" Anna laughed.

Mary closed carefully her thermos and placed it in the side pocket of her purse. She gave a quick look around for the keys and the mobile, that started to ring before she could find it. Anna found it and gave it to her.

"Is it Sybil again?" she asked.

"Yep. _This so lame, even Edith doesn't understand. Miss you. Xxx_" Mary read aloud.

"Poor Edith" Anna cried " I can't believe she's so bad as you two picture her."

"Oh but the rivalry is just between Edith and me, Sybil is just complaining about everything these days. I would really like to know what is going on. Maybe I'll call my mother later."

"Yes maybe it's best. Well see you in class then!"

Mary smiled as she walked to the door "Don't forget to text me!" she said while wearing her coat.

* * *

Anna ha arrived late to class, so she had sat with Tom in the back. Before Professor Murray called for Mary, Anna only had the time to tell her that _It was a long story, best told at home._

Mary half smiled to her friend and followed the Professor with an apologetic look.

"Good Morning Miss Levinson" the funny man said through his mustache.

"Good Morning professor!" she greeted him cheerfully "What do I begin with?"

"Just go to the second floor, third door to the left and bring these files with you." Mary nodded and took the files case, she waved at the professor before going out of the class. Up the stairs she identified the corridor where all the studies were and went for the third door on the left. She knocked but there was no answer, so she opened the door. It was a big room divided in two by a small wall, on the first part there was a smaller desk, on the back you could see a bigger one which probably belonged to Professor Murray. On the floor almost submerged by files there was Matthew with no jacket and the sleeves of his shirt rolled up.

"Oh Mary!" he cried as he saw her "Just.. just put those files there and wait for a second until I get lunch" he said standing up in a hurry and reaching for his wallet. He exited the study but his head popped in again short after "Is a club sandwich good for you?" he said panting.

"Sure" she nodded, boy the guy looked overworked. She put the file case where Matthew told her and gave a quick look around. That place was a mess, no wonder they needed some help. _Men _she thought. She worked out that the smaller desk must've been Matthew's and she got the confirmation when she saw his Cambridge diploma hanging on the wall. _Cambridge? _she thought _Interesting._ Just a few minutes later he was back with the lunch bag and his infamous grin.

"Here" he said handing her the lunch "I got you also a diet coke. You seem to me like a diet coke time".

Mary chuckled "Thanks. How much do I owe you?"

"Oh no no, nothing. It's your first day, it's on me!"

Mary thanked him and there was a small awkward moment between them. _Was he being shy?_ "Do you... I mean" she began " Are you sure you want to keep that hanging?" she pointed at the diploma.

"Ah!" he grinned " You found out I graduated from Cambridge!"

"You have been the mole all along!" she joked as she sipped her coke.

Matthew was so distracted by the way she laughed, it was so mesmerizing. The way she wrinkled her nose and put her hand politely on her mouth was cute and incredibly sexy at the same time. He definitely needed to make her laugh more.

"You should pity me instead of making fun of me! I'm the poor Cambridge boy surrounded by all of you mean Oxfordians!" he cried.

Mary laughed again "I'm sorry, I'd much rather make fun of you. It gets easier and easier." but Matthew was not sorry at all. He would have made much more a fool of himself if that meant seing that perfect nose wrinkled up again. But then he looked at the time and realized he was supposed to be working and not flirting with a nineteen years old student.

"Ok, I think it's time to get to work."

"You're right" Mary sobered up from her laughter "Is the professor coming?"

It was Matthew's time to chuckle "Not a chance. He comes only for office hours, the dirty job is left to us."

"What do you need me to do?"

"Basically there's no more space in here, so we have to file all of this papers by year and shove them into the closet right there" he pointed at a small door on the left.

Mary took a seat on the floor as well and started going through those old papers.

" Oh please, don't sit on the floor" Matthew ordered " Take a seat at my desk, please".

Mary smiled and sat on Matthew's much more comfortable chair. She started to sort the papers per year until something caught her eye. On the desk there was Matthew's laptop left opened and the screensaver had started moving on the screen. Mary smiled to herself watching those pictures of Matthew smiling with his sunglasses on, on what appeared to be a sunny day in Greece. But just a few picture later there she was, that girl. At first Mary said to herself that she could be his sister (she had strawberry blonde hair and light eyes), but then there was a picture of them kissing with a beautiful greek landscape of blue sky and white houses behind them.

"Who is she?" the words escaped her mouth before she could stop herself.

Matthew turned his head to face his laptop and the picture "I forgot about those" her mumbled "She is my..." _what was she to him at this point?_

"She's your girlfriend, right?" Mary asked nonchalantly.

"It's complicated" he blurted out but felt Mary's eyes still on him "We're on a break."

"Oh I see" Mary commented turning her head to the papers "So you're doing some soul searching here..."

"That's one way to put it" Matthew smiled "We've been together for six years now and things got pretty stiff." Why on earth was he telling _her _all of this?

"And I'm sure you have very different concept of _break_. She probably thinks you are just spending some time apart without compromising anything while _you _on the other hand, think you can act like you're broken up completely for a while."

"Isn't that what having a break means?" Matthew asked puzzled.

"Not to a girl" Mary said.

"Whatever we both mean, this time apart will help us figure out how to move on. If together or..."

"Or apart" Mary completed Matthew's sentence. They looked at each other for an infinite moment "What... what's her name?" she asked breaking eye contact.

"Lavinia, Lavinia Swire" Matthew felt so weird to say her name at that time, especially to Mary.

"Swire? As in Ministry of Education Swire?" she asked.

"Precisely" Matthew smiled "But it's not her father, he's her uncle. Her dad is a lawyer just like me".

_Mmm _Mary pondered _Possibly clingy girlfriend with daddy issues, what could the outcome be?_ And then Mary stopped to think about it. Why was she being such a bitch now? She didn't even know the girl. The only thing she knew for sure at that moment was that she was very pretty with her green eyes and her silky ginger hair, and most of all she was her complete opposite. _Wait. _Why was she doing that again? _Comparing herself to Lavinia?_

"Are you done with those?"

"What?" she said returning to reality.

Matthew chuckled "The papers? Have you finished sorting them."

"Yes" Mary answered looking at the piles of papers "But there are papers from ten years ago at least."

"That's because he never got an assistant" Matthew said standing up "Come on, we have to put those older papers at the top of the shelves in the closet"

Mary put the papers in folders and labeled them and followed Matthew as he led the way. The closed was small and dusty. They both spotted a ladder in the corner. Matthew took it out and opened it to climb up to the top shelf.

" It doesn't look safe" Mary pointed out eyeing the wonky old ladder.

"Mmm... You're right" Matthew checked the whole thing out "I guess you will have to climb up."

"Me?" she said blushing.

"You are lighter than me. There can be less damage done if you do it".

Mary sighed and gave Matthew the files she was holding. _Thank God she hadn't worn a dress_ she thought as she climbed up. Matthew at the back of the ladder was looking at her enchanting backside in those perky little shorts going right to left as she went up.

"Where do I put the older ones? Earth to Matthew!"

"What? Uh?" he asked blushing violently "Here" he passed he a folder "Older on the right, newer on the left" he said clearing his throat "Be careful" he added as he saw the ladder shaking.

In placing one of the folder she hit inadvertently another one, which fell on Matthew's head.

"Ouch" he cried.

"I'm so sorry!" she said turning her head down to Matthew "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine" he said massaging his temple "Please just be more careful"

"No, really... are you ok?" she said stretching a little bit too much "Shall I come down?"

"I said I'm f-"

"Aaaah!" Mary screamed as she lost her balance.

Matthew looked up and with agility he caught her before she hit the floor. They both stopped for a moment, panting. They were looking at each other in the eyes and blushing without saying a word. Their faces were so close to one another, Mary could see all of the striations in his irises and the veins pulsing on his temple and down his throat. Those eyes were really the prettiest she had ever seen.

Matthew swallowed nervously, she was so close. He was actually holding her in his arms. One arm was supporting her beautiful long legs wrapped in those old rose tights, and the was holding her up to her tiny waist. Her brown hair were all pushed back and her eyes were fixed on him. But it was her lips he couldn't take his eyes off. Those beautiful full lips vibrating for all the panting. He could have kissed her in that very same moment. God only knew how much he wanted to. But it wouldn't have been right, not in that place like a thief stealing a kiss that way to her. Not to mention unprofessional. It was already bad enough that he was having those kind of thoughts about one of the students, let alone giving in to those feelings in Professor Murray's study during office hours.

"You can let me down now" Mary said breaking into his daydreaming. Matthew let her down and they resumed their filing with a little bit more care than before. When the clock stroke two pm, Mary started to collect her things and then wished Matthew a pleasant day.

"Wait Mary, I have to ask a favour of you"

_A favour _"Shoot"

"I know you're supposed to come on wednesday now, but can you come on thursday instead? I'm supposed to be here that day, but I have an important meeting with a client for my actual job that day." he explained "You'll just have to keep filing and answer to the telephone and take notes for the Professor. Can you do that?"

"Sure" she said " So I don't have to come on wednesday?"

"No, you don't. I'll be covering for you instead" he smiled and waved at her as she exited the office.

Mary walked down the stairs and reached for her bike. She had to admit that she was a bit disappointed that she wouldn't have seen Matthew that wednesday or thursday. She couldn't explain why, but she had fun that day. But none of this was going to be referred to Anna, otherwise she would have made it bigger than it actually was. _Anna _she thought. Of course, she had to ride as fast as she could to see how her friend was doing. The word _complicated _never meant anything good.

* * *

So apparently Anna had told John her piece of mind the week before when she was drunk. She had, but it hadn't freaked John out as both Anna and Mary had suspected. He had been very flattered and incredulous that Anna had took and interest on him, and wasn't quite sure how to face her either. But then that monday morning they had talked and sorted everything out, it was a good thing that Anna was very straight forward. John had confessed he wasn't immune to her charm, and he would have never given in those feelings for her, given their age difference. And while the age gap made a very convincing point by itself, he had told her that he had a past which wasn't going to let him go so easily and he certainly didn't want to drag Anna into that.

It was tuesday night and the girls had decided to stay home, order a pizza and watch a movie and finally spend some time just the two of them.

"I won't give up on him, you know." Anna had said when the topic came up again. Mary knew that every proper best friend would have told her that men would tell you anything just to avoid any kind of real confrontation, but Anna swore that John was telling the truth.

"He probably thinks I'm just a kid and that I can't handle it. That's why I want to prove him wrong."

"Wouldn't it be best for you both to just forget about it? I mean you are getting along just fine..."

"That's not the point. Mary … I don't know if I'm ever going to feel this way again. I don't want to wake up in 15, 30 years and regret not taking a risk."

Mary listened and thought that somehow it all made sense. She wondered if it was the same feeling which had drawn her to Pamuk. In reality John was not Pamuk, and Anna wasn't her old self at all. Those were two completely different situations, but the main question was the same: _was that promised feeling of happiness worth suffering all the horrible consequences?_

Maybe Anna was supposed to suffer terribly because of John, but maybe she was not. Mary could only hope that her friend would be left untouched. And if she wouldn't Mary would have been there for her, just as Anna had been for her, al throughout that nightmare that seemed to be coming to an end.

"I'm so stupid!" Anna cried at some point.

"Why?" Mary chuckled.

"We've been talking about me and John for the past few days and I haven't even asked you about your one-on-one with Matthew the hot assistant!"

"Are we changing his nickname week by week?"

"Stay on topic!"

"Nothing to declare!"

"Mary!" she growled.

"Oh wait, there's something" Mary said amused by Anna's expression " He has a girlfriend!"

"WHAT?!"

"Yep. He had pictures of their vacation in Greece as his screensaver."

"But are you sure she wasn't his sister? Is she totally ugly at least?"

"Cute as a button. And yes I'm sure, I asked him."

"You did?"

"Yes, he even explained to me how they're on a break and stuff."

"That's it! I knew I hadn't misread the signals! He came here to keep his mind of things and found himself tangled in the very sweet Mary net" they both bursted out laughing.

"You mind runs wild" Mary laughed "You should be the one in creative writing class, not me!"

"Anyway... I'm sorry about the girlfriend. But if it's meant to be, I'm sure he'll come around."

"Anna, don't worry! I'm not sad or anything, I don't even like him!" _Did she? Did she, really?_

"Well, I won't apologize for wanting to babysit babies with pretty blue eyes in the future!".

As both girls laughed and threw popcorn at each other the door bell rang.

"Who can it be at this hour?" Anna cried.

"Did you give John your address?" Mary asked.

Anna shook her head "Did you? I mean... to Matthew?"

"Are you for real?" Mary complained throwing a pillow at her face "I'm going to answer the door." Mary walked by the door and opened it, she couldn't believe it "Daddy?! What are you doing in here?!" she cried as she jumped on him.

"Well, aren't you going to let your old man in?"

"Of course!" she said making room for him to enter "Come on in!" Mary led him to the living room where Anna had stood up "Anna this is my father. Dad this is my friend Anna"

"It's a pleasure to meet you Lord Grantham!" Anna said shaking his hand.

"Please Anna, call me Robert. My wife and I are so very grateful that Mary found such a precious friend in you. And we are very obliged to you for keeping the secret."

"Mary is a precious friend to me as well. You are not obliged to me at all" she smiled.

"Well, Daddy what are you doing here? Are you spending the night here?"

"Oh no no, I would never want to impose to you girls. I'm staying in a hotel. I'm sorry I didn't call you before, but the whole thing was kind of rushed."

"No problem, it's very nice to see you" Mary smiled whole-heartedly.

"You too darling" Robert smile soon turned in a very serious and almost sad expression "But I am here for a reason, I really need to talk to you."

"Please take a seat, then. I can make you some tea."

"No honey, not tonight. I'm tired from the journey and I'm meeting some old friends for drinks."

"Ok, so tomorrow then? You can come here in the afternoon and-"

"It would be best for me not to be seen coming and going from your house. I don't want to mess up your cover" Mary felt a little hurt "Do you know a place where we won't be seen by people I know?"

"There's the coffee shop where Anna works. It completely on the other side of the university."

"It's settled then. I'll see you tomorrow sweetheart." he said as he kissed her cheek. Mary accompanied him to the door wished him good night once more. While she and Anna resumed the movie watching, Mary couldn't help but wondering what all that seriousness was about? Was it about Sybil? Had something happened to her? She had to tell herself that she would have found out soon enough.

* * *

Mary cycled as fast as she could in the direction of the coffee shop. There was a public protest near the college which had slowed her down and she was now late for her date with her father. As she saw the shop's banner in the distance, she recognized her father's old fashioned hat and called out for him.

"Look at you!" he smiled brightly "Cycling around like a proper Oxford student!" he was about to tear up.

Mary parked her bike and approached him "Don't be so proud! You know I didn't know how to ride the bike until a month ago?"

"Really?" he chucked.

"Yes mister! Anna taught me."

"Well, I'm proud anyway. I want you to know that, I am proud whatever comes."

Those words took Mary a little bit by surprise. What did he mean? Maybe their _talk _wasn't about Sybil after all. They stepped into the coffee shop and they both waved at Anna, alone at the counter. They took a seat and waited for Anna to bring them some tea, Mary had her eyes fixed on him.

"Dad, please whatever it is just tell me."

Robert sighed " Perhaps it's time."

_It was time? What_ were they keeping from her? _How long _had they keeping it from her?

"Darling we are so proud that you could build a life in here at Oxford, that you did it all yourself. And it is because I know you are not alone, that I think you can handle it now."

"What can I handle?" every single word she spoke were careful and frail.

"Mary, Pamuk's parents have decided to sue us."

"Sue us?" the words echoed in her head.

"They seem to think that your...encounter may have caused the heart attack and-"

"Please Dad, I understand you don't have to-"

"No Mary" he was as serious as ever "You don't understand. Turkey is a fragile country, things are strained between them and the European Union. Darling I'm not saying it's your fault, but..."

"But it is." Mary sipped her tea and Robert took his hand.

"We have hired a very good lawyer. I promise you, we're going to make this go away. It's not even in the papers anymore." Mary hoped with all her heart that he was right.

"What's going on with Sybil?" she asked holding on her tears.

"Well... that's another masterpiece."

"Has she fought with mom again?"

"She's been kicked out of boarding school."

"What?!"

"Mary we don't know what to do with her anymore. Every thing we try goes directly back to our faces."

"She's not a bad girl, you know that..."

"I don't know anything anymore. But there's one more thing I had to tell you. We might have agreed to send her her for a weekend."

"What? She messes up and you reward her?"

"We could tell she needs some air. And she misses her sister" Mary's frown turned into an understanding smile "Plus we think that having her mad at us and miserable won't help anyone."

"Alright. I do want to see the little devil again" Robert chuckled and placed a kiss on Mary's temple.

"Anna, I'm sorry I'm late!" John stepped into the shop.

"No worries" Anna smiled.

"Hi John!" Mary shouted from the back of the room.

"Hey Mar-" but before he could finish, his jaw dropped in Mary's direction. Mary turned to see his father bearing the same expression.

"John?" he whispered surprising Mary.

"Robbie?" the other one responded.

_Robbie? _Mary thought. She had never heard anyone call his father that, not even her grandfather. As the two hugged and talked to each other, Mary approached Anna at the counter.

"What was that all about?" Anna asked puzzled.

"Apparently John and my dad fought together in the war in Bosnia" Mary told her incredulously.

"Really?"

"He must be the John he always talked about. The twenty years old soldier who saved his life."

"He is" Robert said as both men approached them "Bates my dear fellow is so good to see you. It's so crazy to find you here!"

"You always talked so well about Oxford in Bosnia, so when I got the money I decided to come here. And Mary is your daughter? That's crazy! I thought her last name was Levinson!"

"It is here" Anna said " and please John it has to stay that way".

They explained everything to John in a very summarized version, and John of course agreed to keep Mary's secret as well. As they were saying goodbye, Mary pondered on how more than ever she was walking on shifting sands. John knew her secret now . How much more time before someone else would found out too, especially with the lawsuit? Mary kissed her dad and told herself the only thing she could do was stay strong and carry on.

"Are you leaving tonight?" she asked her dad.

"I'm leaving tomorrow afternoon actually."

"Too bad, I have classed in the morning and work in the afternoon!"

"Don't worry darling, I'm only staying longer because I have a business meeting. I'll see you for the holiday, and please keep an eye on Sybil when she comes."

* * *

"I'm sorry, Mr Crawley I'm afraid I didn't understand properly"

Lord Grantham and Matthew Crawley were meeting in a dusty old office at the Oxford firm. More than anything they wanted to keep out of the public eye.

"What I am saying is that Mr Kemal Pamuk did a physical examination when he first came to England. The doctor who examined him had identified a particular heart condition. But to have that result public would have meant preventing Mr Pamuk to participate in this honourable riding competition. So he paid the doctor to keep that record hidden. Since he is dead now the doctor was able to tell me about it."

"So... let me get this straight. This proves that my daughter is not responsible at all for his death, am I right?"

"It will in the long run, but for now I'm confident it is enough to keep the case out of court. I think we negotiate without dragging the public eye into it."

"Well that is a good start. Well done, chap!"

"I will have to talk to your daughter in the end , sir. Even without going to court, I will need her statement."

"I know..." Robert thought for a moment about Mary and how happy she looked in Oxford, how could a father bear the thought of destroying such happiness? "All I ask is that you continue on this path for now... I want to keep my daughter away from this as much as possible."

"I understand".

_A/N: That M/M scene was a little bit cheesy wasn't it? Well but we love M/M even because they are cheesy sometimes! I want to warn you, by the way, that the updates from now one are going to slow down a bit. I really need to get back to study and I have a friend coming over in a few days, so I won't be able to write so maniacally! Anyway... Brace Yourselves! Hurricane Sybil is coming!_


	6. Drawers and Costume Parties

**Chapter Six: Drawers and Costume Parties**

It seemed that despite all the warnings that he could give her, things with Anna and John were moving forward. After she gave him the '_I'm not going to give up on you'_ speech, it had seemed impossible to be apart, pointless like separating two magnets which were going to be reunited eventually. The shadow of John's past was always hunting them, but in that specific moment they were actually properly happy and decided to be selfish about it.

Mary had inevitably become the custom third wheel, apart from when the club met and they were so happy and perfect for each other it was almost painful to watch. But witnessing so many fuzzy feelings, had inspired Mary to actually come to term with the ones of her own. She couldn't quite define her feelings for Matthew, but she wasn't going to stubbornly deny them either anymore. As the time she spent with her best friend and her almost-complicated-boyfriend became less appealing by the day, she realized she had reached the point of considering her office hours her safe haven, she had actually began to look forward to them. She loved spending time in that dusty old office, filing, chatting and occasionally glancing at the cute assistant's butt. That was nothing bad in simply looking, _wasn't it_? She had also admitted to herself that she really enjoyed her little talks with Matthew. They talked about all sorts of things and disagreed on almost all of them, but that didn't make them any less enjoyable. She was beginning to know more and more about Matthew Crawley, and she simply couldn't deny the fact that she liked it. But that didn't necessarily make things any less complicated because he _did have_ a girlfriend, whether she liked it or not, and those lovely little chat of theirs were simply not enough to decipher his feelings for her. Mary was no Anna, she wasn't going to blurt out to him some feelings she wasn't even sure she had. Not if she wasn't _absolutely sure_ that he shared the same ones for her. She wasn't going to submit to heartache and embarrassment. Her heart had already suffered enough, the next time she was going to give it away, she had to be completely sure. Even Anna had realized how Mary must have been feeling and she had stopped with the Matthew jokes, Mary loved her so much because of that.

So, on the light of those recent events, Mary was actually looking forward to spend some time with her favourite sister. Not only for the obvious reasons, but also because she wanted to be helpful to her parents if she could. Sybil arrived on thursday night, and was already able to turn their evening upside down. Luckily Anna seemed to love her just as much as she did.

"I don't know how can you bear it to go to school here!" Sybil had cried that friday morning.

"What do you mean darling?" Mary had asked amused, while she and Anna were cooking breakfast for the guest.

"I don't know... everyone is just so _preppy_, so uptight. It's like boarding school only multiplied for a hundred!" she cried dramatically.

Anna and Mary chuckled "You'd be surprised to know how much you can be wrong" Mary warned her sharing a complicit look with Anna.

"Oh wait, I didn't mean to say that Anna is preppy! No Anna you're pretty cool, and you Sis... you're actually way cooler than you used to be."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"I mean it that way, I promise" Sybil's expression darkened "I'm just tired of this posh, strict and false world. I want to be able to say what I think, to be myself! I don't get why our parents have to force us in this... _bubble _when the outside world, the _real_ world is something completely different."

"What did mom and dad say about the new school, the have any ideas?"

"They want to send me to another boarding school of course, and they won't negotiate on this point. But please let's just not talk about this. I want to enjoy this weekend with you, I don't want to think about how miserable I'll be for the next two years."

Mary looked at her beautiful sixteen years old sister. She was growing prettier and prettier by the day. That's why Mary hated to see such sadness on that beautiful face. Sybil still hadn't told her what had happened in her past school, and Mary wasn't going to force her but she did wish her sister would've opened up to her.

"So..." Mary said standing up " I have class and extra credit today, and Anna has to work. Here's a spare key, you have a look around town and don't get in troubles!"

"Really?!" Sybil shot up her chair and went to hug her sister tight "You are going to trust me and give me the keys and treat me like an adult?!"

"Not so fast" Mary chuckled "But I'm not locking you up, so don't make me regret it."

"You're the best sister ever and I love you!" Sybil ran upstairs excited and Mary and Anna laughed as they cleaned the breakfast table.

* * *

It had been a pretty standard day, Mary was quite tired and disappointed by the fact that Matthew wasn't in the office that day. Instead the Professor had paired her with an awkward student from the second year, who was also doing extra credit. The guy was so shy, he hadn't said a word to Mary the whole time. She was sincerely beginning to think he'd never been alone with a girl in a room before. When the most boring two hours of her life were finally over, she cycled quickly to her flat where she found Anna but still not Sybil. She didn't have to worry too much, because her little sister had came back within the hour. In the mean time, Anna had told Mary about another club meeting that night, but they both decided it was best not to expose Sybil to it. It was already risky for John to host the secret bar, but at least none of them was underage. Mary told Anna to go and that they would have told Sybil she was going to a romantic date with John. Anna promised she would have found a fun activity for the following night in which they could have included Sybil as well. When the feisty teenager stepped back into the flat, Mary and Anna told her their piece and the sisters settled for some family time at home. Mary was tired and Sybil's feet hurt after all.

"It's so weird that Anna is dating the infamous soldier who saved daddy's life, isn't it?" Sybil said placing the nachos and dip sauce on the coffee table.

"Yep, it is kind of crazy..."

"Maybe this town isn't so bad after all" she smiled to herself.

Mary looked at her suspiciously "You've changed your tunes."

"As granny would say: _I am a woman Mary, I can be as contradictory as I like._" she said imitating their grumpy old grandmother.

Mary chuckled "Do you think you can tell me what happen now that we're alone?"

"If you really must know" Sybil looked annoyed but Mary was waiting " I ruined the headmistress's fur with fake blood."

"You what?" Mary asked containing her laughter.

"Look I know what you're going to say, because it's the same thing all of those shrinks will tell mom and dad. That I'm acting out because I'm the baby of the house and I want all the eyes on me and all that crap... But it is not because of that, I swear. I simply believed that was wrong and I wanted to show my opinion. I have beliefs and I won't apologize for them." but even then she didn't sound so convinced herself.

"What happened to you wanting to go to the same school as your older sisters and following our footsteps?"

"Mary I was a child when I said those things. I also believed in unicorns and the fact that we were all going to be best friends for ever us three."

Mary pondered on how a unicorn would be more plausible than a friendship between her and Edith.

"Yes but you still gotta have some self preservation left. You knew would've been kicked out after you freed the lab rats and wore that mini skirt for your proclamation of self expression. What is going on?"

"You haven't been there Mary, it's been horrible this year."

Mary's eyes flashed with horror "I'm sorry... I was so busy thinking about how much I was suffering, that I didn't realized that my actions would have affected you girls as well" she felt so guilty and sad.

Sybil took her hand " It's not your fault, it's this stupid system! You made a mistake and that makes you human, and believe me … I'm glad to know that your are human after all and not our perfect first daughter" Mary laughed bitterly "Besides … It has been nasty at first, but it calmed down pretty quickly … It's Edith who has made it all the more horrible!"

"What do you mean?"

"She's decided that this is her last year, and she's not living under your shadow anymore, she's going to make the best of it. Instead of standing up for you she joined the mean girls group and doesn't even acknowledge my existence in there. It's like she's gone mad!"

Mary felt a little betrayed. Sure she and Edith had never gotten along, sure she should be pissed for suffering the consequences of Mary's actions, but Mary thought that at least, deep down her sister loved her.

"I don't want you think badly of her, Mary..."

"Oh don't worry darling, I'd say she makes a damn good job herself..."

"She loves you, I'm sure she does. But there's more."

"What more can there be?"

"She's got her preliminary score, and it's very high. Plus she's done so many extra-curriculars, which means..."

"She's going to get into Oxford" Mary concluded.

"Yes, and Dad hinted that she might have to go by pseudonym as well if this thing hasn't settled yet."

"I see..." Mary wrapped her arms around her legs in fetal position.

"Do you understand why I needed to get away from all of that nonsense? You living up here on your own, like a normal girl... You have no idea how I envy you. You can finally be yourself and people look at you for what you are, not your name."

Mary smiled at her sister "Maybe in another school it will be different... Edith won't be there" Mary joked and they decided to watch a disney movie wrapped under the same blanket.

* * *

Saturday Mary had announced Anna that she was spoken for, at least for the greatest part of the day. In the sisterly coziness of night before Mary had promised Sybil to escort her to one of those surrealistic art exhibition which her little sister loved so much and then to give her a proper tour of the town. Both Mary and Sybil had decided to doll up for the occasion ( to Sybil looking trashy was disrespectful towards the artist), Mary had her wavy hair down, a pretty dress and red beret which matched her red coat. Sybil was wearing a silk blouse with one of her short skirts and was gushing over how pretty the braid Anna made with her hair was. They waved at Anna which was speeding in the direction of the coffee shop for a morning shift and headed to the Modern Art Oxford Gallery in Pembroke Street.

Mary paid for two tickets and stared at Salvador Dalì's weird look and crazy mustache in the posters. She usually loathed contemporary art, so she sincerely hoped she would have not detested it completely. Once inside Sybil started running from one corridor to another with wonder in her eyes. Mary tried to keep track of her for a while, but decided to give up pretty quickly. If she would run wild for that couple of hours inside the museum, she might have gotten tired in the afternoon. _A girl could only hope_. With one eye on the little devil jumping around and gasping at every single piece, Mary decided to stare at one particular sculpture and try to figure out the meaning.

"Mary?" she heard a male voice coming from her left. She turned to see those blonde hair and blue eyes she had so much missed the day before.

"Hi Matthew!" she said politely. That was so unexpected! She had no idea of what to say in a context that wasn't the academic one. She felt the heat coming to her cheeks and she just wanted to punch herself for acting like a silly school girl.

"Do you like Dalì too?" he cried excited.

"Oh no!" she blurted out "I mean … I'm not really into contemporary art. I'm actually chaperoning my little sister who's in town" she smiled.

"You have a younger sister, then?"

"Two actually. But this is the youngest, and my favourite."

"Where's she?" he said looking around them.

"She's a little bit hyperactive" Matthew laughed at her remark "She's running around here somewhere, but she'll come around eventually."

"How old is she?"

"Sixteen" Mary answered and received and understanding look from him.

"So no contemporary art at all, uh? Are you a Da Vinci, Raffaello and Michelangelo type of girl?"

Mary nodded " And don't forget impressionism, I love impressionism!" they both laughed "For instance, I've been trying to figure out for half an hour why does these sculptures of women have drawers!" she pointed at them.

"Actually the woman with drawers is an image I much rather like" Mary's eyes on him told him that she expected and explanation "Basically Dalì used to say that the truth beauty of a woman, which is able to capture a man's soul, is not her forms or physical features in general, but in her mystery. Women are just as strong as men, but they are much more sensitive and careful, so they keep aspects of themselves hidden in these drawers, which makes knowing them, court them" he stopped for a moment "...falling in love with them all the more exciting." Matthew looked carefully at Mary's eyes fixed on the statue. He stared at her studying gaze and at her throat and chest moving at the rhythm of her breath.

Mary could now see the meaning of that piece of art. Matthew's word had been spoken with such passion and care that let her peak into the artist's mind. She looked at woman with the drawers now and found it beautiful. "Do you agree?" she asked in a low voice, facing his blue eyes.

"I do" he whispered and Mary could se the hesitation in his eyes, the stiffness in shoulders and she could have sworn that his heart was beating as fast as hers. That silence and the colour of those eyes were making her dizzy, she almost felt drunk by all of the feelings going throughout her body in that moment.

"Mary! Here you are I thought I lost-" Sybil stopped complaining once she saw she had company "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt!"

Mary gave Matthew an apologetic look "Matthew this is my sister Sybil"

"Nice to meet you Sybil, you have a very lovely name and a good taste in art from what I'm told." he smiled charmingly at her little sister.

"Thank you, the pleasure is mine Matthew. It's weird neither Mary or Anna ever mention they knew a nice and cute student!"

"SYBIL!" Mary cried shooting her a deadly look.

Matthew laughed "Maybe because I'm not a student" he grinned "They might have talked about a _cute _professor's assistant..." he said eyeing at Mary.

"Ok" Mary intervened "I think we're done with the presentations. Can we move it along?" she said grumpily.

The trio kept moving along the exhibition and Matthew seemed to be more talkative than ever. With Mary's disapproval he told Sybil about how she basically insulted him the first time they met and of course the memorable Apollo and Daphne story. Sybil was so amused she had to tell him some embarrassing stories about her torturing Edith to pay him back. As the two laughed and talked, Mary wanted to dig a whole in the ground and bury herself in it. In the last corridor, resuming their laughter, Matthew grabbed Mary for a moment to show her something.

"Here. Dalì also loved the image of Alice in Wonderland and made several piece on it. I thought you might like it." he smiled at her and she glance at the pretty statue with a little girl with roses for her hair and hands. She had to admit it was lovely.

When the tour ended, Sybil dived herself between the shelves of the souvenir shop, declaring she was going to buy the whole thing. Mary asked Matthew if he wanted to wait outside as well.

"There's actually one thing I want to get and then I'm good to go".

Mary ended up waiting for the both of them and as they exited the museum, Sybil was showing them every single piece of junk she had just wasted her money on. Before the awkward moment of the goodbye came, they saw Anna cycling in their direction.

"Mary!" she called as she slowed her speed "Oh hi Matthew!" she greeted him surprised.

"We bumped on him inside" Mary explained right away through Sybil's giggles.

"Listen, John and I found this costume party in this karaoke bar tonight. I checked and Sybil should be able to get in."

"Costume party?" Mary asked puzzled.

"Dummy, it's halloween!" Sybil cried.

Mary realized it was indeed the 31st of october, but she wasn't so eager about the costume part. She supposed she was going to give in eventually, given that her sister was in town only for one more day.

"Alright" she mumbled while Sybil hugged her.

"Sounds fun, can I come?" Matthew's words completely shut up all three girls. Mary realized that all those three pair of eyes were fixed on her.

"Why not..." she blurted out shyly.

"Cool" Anna came to her rescue "John won't feel bad in hanging out with all almost teenagers this time."

"Cool" Mary repeated "So we'll see you tonight..."

Matthew nodded and smiled at her, he was looking at her that way again.

"Yes!" Sybil cried "I'm so happy! This is the best weekend ever!"

As Sybil jumped up and down through the pavement, Matthew dismissed himself and Anna told them she was going to meet them at the coffee shop for lunch in fifteen minutes. As Matthew's figure disappeared through the small streets of Oxford, Mary felt more and more nervous about the night that she was going to spend in his company.

* * *

Anna and Sybil had basically obliged Mary to go to the costume shop with them that afternoon. Mary had agreed only on the condition that she could choose her own costume. She was positive that her sister and her sneaky friend would have wanted to get her some sexy outfit to impress Matthew, but if she was going to do that she wasn't going to resort to vulgarity. She had settled in the end for an Alice costume (she thought it was fitting) while Sybil was going as a nurse and Anna as a french maid.

"I still think you should wear the wig, Alice is blonde!" Anna told her as they were going out.

"Who said that? And even so who cares!"

"Go sis! An unconventional Alice!"

"What about John? What is he going to be?" Mary asked.

"He told me he's going to wear his old uniform and go as a soldier."

"Too bad, I thought you were going with matched costumes"

Anna chuckled "I thought you said that costume parties were stupid"

"Well yes... But if you really had to go, I think it would be romantic to go with matched costumes... Just saying".

Both Anna and Sybil laughed at Mary's expense as they locked up the apartment. They walked to the karaoke, which wasn't too far, and waited outside for the others as planned. John was already waiting for them. He smiled and gave Anna a sweet kiss.

"You ladies look all very pretty tonight!" he said.

"Thank you John!" Sybil cried excitedly.

Just a few minutes later the gang saw a guy with two girls approaching. It was William, dressed as a superhero Mary didn't know with Gwen and Daisy, who both wore funny wigs and fake lashes. Mary wished she had thought of that. Sybil introduced herself to everyone and Mary asked John if Tom was coming, but apparently he had to work.

"Are we waiting for anybody else?" William asked over excited.

"Matthew" Sybil cried.

"Are you two...?" Gwen asked Mary maliciously.

"No" Mary cried "It's nothing like that!"

"Oh here he is!" Anna warned them.

Sybil turned and started to laugh hysterically. Mary turned to her with a question mark face and she whispered in her ear "_What did you say about matched costumes?_" Mary turned and watched her fear becoming reality. Matthew was wearing an old jacket, a funny bow tie and a huge hat which said 10/6. He was the Mad Hatter from Alice in Wonderland. _Could things get anymore awkward?_

Done with the other introductions, the group entered the bar and took table. Mary couldn't find a way to enjoy herself properly, she was thorn between checking up on Sybil ( she knew she could get out of hand with alcohol nearby) and making sure Matthew was enjoying himself. She felt a little bit responsible for him, but he seemed to get along just fine with John who had been incredibly welcoming. She had wanted to talk to him, but Mary found that the setting, and most importantly the witnesses didn't make her comfortable at all. They drank and laughed and listened to the group that was playing, until the waitress left a piece of paper on their table.

"What is it?" Mary asked.

"It's a signing sheet for the karaoke. The group is done now, we're going to do a karaoke hour and then is plain music and dancing. You write the names of anyone who wants to sing at this table and the other waitress collects them and calls you when it's your turn." she smiled and moved along.

"So, does anyone want to sing?" Matthew asked eyeing the sheet.

"I think at least someone from this table should!" Anna stated giggling.

"Mary should do it!" Sybil cried excited. Matthew turn his head and grinned.

"Sybil!" Mary protested.

"Oh don't listen to her!" the youngster cried "She's an amazing voice!"

"Does she?" Matthew asked without taking his eyes off of her.

"Please Mary! You can sing _the song_! You know it so well! There's absolutely no way of embarrassing yourself!" Mary still hesitated.

"Please Mary!" Gwen cried from the other side of the table.

"C'mon Mary!" William and Daisy shouted as John and Anna looked like poor lost puppies.

"Fine" she said as the whole table cheered.

"It's settled then" Matthew grinned as he wrote her name on the paper.

The karaoke hour began with a series of drunken people who couldn't hit a note. While the others laughed their asses off, Mary was relieved by the fact that she wasn't going to face a huge competition after all. Then the moment came and her friend cheered for her as her name was being called. Matthew watched carefully as she took her place on stage and murmured the title of the song to the keyboard player. The base began to play and while smiling politely at the public, Mary seemed very concentrated. Matthew couldn't be prepared for what happened inside him, as Mary began to sing beautifully Frank Sinatra's words.

_For once in my life I've got someone who needs me, _

_Someone I've needed so long_

_For once unafraid I can go where life leads me, _

_and somehow I know I'll be strong_

"This is my parent's song" Sybil whispered in his ear "Every year since we were little, for their anniversary we put up a little show and Mary sings the song for them."

"Do you play the piano?" Matthew asked.

"The pianist is actually Edith. I used to simply dance around and make everyone laugh, but as I got older I decided to help Edith with the piano, but she plays most of it anyway"

Matthew chuckled and tried to imagine that pretty family picture as Mary's beautiful voice kept singing.

_For once I can touch what my heart used to dream of_

_Long before I knew someone warm like you_

_Could make my dreams come true_

_For once I can touch what my heart used to dream of _Matthew repeated in his head. He didn't even know his heart was dreaming of it. Of finding someone who could actually made him feel that way. As Mary kept singing the real problem of his relationship with Lavinia became crystal clear. All that heart pounding, the dry throat and the weak legs had never happened to him in Lavinia's company. He did love her, he just wasn't _in love _with her. He had no cold feet as his friend had suggested, he had never really fallen in love with Lavinia, and now that he knew what it felt like, he simply couldn't lie to Lavinia any longer. It was over, but for the best.

Mary finished her song and took all the deserved applause. As she headed back to her table, the waitress announced the end of the karaoke hour. The dj put some dance music on and the dance floor filled up quickly. Even from their table William, Daisy and Gwen went to dance all together.

"Where's Sybil?" Mary asked as she finally reached her friend.

"Some guy dressed as a doctor asked her to dance. It was pretty hilarious." Matthew informed but could read her worried expression "Oh, don't worry" he said in a very sweet tone "Before they went I told him she's a minor and that I am her big brother, just in case."

"Thank you" Mary chuckled.

"So..." he said hesitantly "I'm pretty sure that as the Mad Hatter I have to have a dance with Alice."

"Do you?" Mary teased him.

"If you want to" he was looking her in the eyes.

Mary loved to make him sweat for those few seconds "Of course" she said and followed him on the dance floor. But of course as they reached the floor the music turned into a slow dance. Mary and Matthew awkward came closer and started to move following the rhythm.

"I don't even know what this type of dance could be classified with" Mary said nervously "Waltz maybe?"

"You can waltz?" Matthew asked surprised.

"That and a lot more dance styles. The proper ones of course"

"_Where do you come from_?" he asked ironically and amused, thinking how this perfect girl had just dropped out of the sky for him.

"I thought I was here to dance, not to answer questions" Mary looked at him teasingly.

"You're right" he chuckled and held her a little bit closer "Mary" he whispered in her ear, almost in a moan "I need to tell you something"

"What is it?" she asked and they both faced each other.

Matthew stared at her eyes burning with wonder. He would have kissed her in that very moment. The music, the lights and her being wrapped in his arms... it was the perfect moment. He felt his throat becoming dry and could see her cheeks becoming of the prettiest shade of pink. His face was closer and closer to hers, but before closing his eyes he whispered "Sybil".

"What?" Mary asked surprised.

"I mean, that guy! He's bothering Sybil" he warned her and they both turned to witness the scene. Matthew went up to talk to the guy, but when he came back he found Mary seated at the table, and the evening seemed close to an end. He had missed his chance and wondered when he was ever going to get that again.

* * *

The morning after Mary woke up the last. The girls were already in the kitchen and still half asleep, Mary asked her sister what time he had to drop her at the train station.

"You don't have to."

"Why? Are you staying a few more days?"

"I worked it out Mary. I spoke with Mom and Dad and they're fine with it!"

"With what?" Mary protested still sleepy.

"I found a school, one of those Mom and Dad approve of, in Oxfordshire. It's not far from here. I will go to school there and come here for the weekend."

"Wait wait... Darling I love you but... there's two people living in here, I can't give my blessing for the both of us."

"Anna already said it's fine! Plus you have a very big bed!" she grinned "Please tell me that you are happy about this!"

"Of course I am" Mary hugged her sister "But please, promise me I won't live to regret it."

"I promise, Mary... and I love you."

_A/N: Very quick note because it's really late here in Italy and I should really go to bed. Please don't hate Sybil for being a cockblock in this chapter, she will be lifter from this burden, I promise! All this said, I hope you enjoyed this other happy chapter because from the next one a little bit of drama is coming your way!_


	7. Public Protests and Knights ()

_A/N: Here's the new update before I take a little break for my friend's visit. I want to thank the new people who jumped on this boat, thank you! I hope you are enjoying how the story is moving forward. As when the big revelation will be and what the consequences will be, you will have to keep reading! I hope that the less comments of the last chapter don't mean I'm beginning to bore you, in that case I truly hope this chapter makes up for it! I promise you the drama and the twist are all still to come! Enjoy the chapter, tell me what you think and I'll see you after the weekend!  
Ps: do you like the new story cover?_

**Chapter Seven: Public Protests and Knights in Shining Armour**

Matthew woke up that morning even more tired than the night before. It had been the same for the past week or so. It took forever for him to fall asleep and when he did, he was just so nervous he couldn't fully enjoy it. Since the Halloween party he couldn't stop thinking about Mary. Her soothing voice, her silky dark hair against that alabaster skin, those marvelous eyes and her lips... so close to his and yet, much too far from where he wanted them. The feeling of regret for not having kissed there in that moment, or not having the nerve to call her on her own after to do so, had haunted him during his sleepless night. To top that, he had been really busy at the firm working on minor cases and of course the Grantham lawsuit, so he had give up those office hours for Professor Murray. He had told him that he was no problem at all, that the students didn't need anymore supervision, but Matthew mourned for his absence in that office, because he knew he was wasting the last hours Mary had to do for extra-credit. With that environment gone Matthew would have been obliged to work out a way to ask her out properly. And that was kind of the problem, he had been out of the game for quite a while now, _hell _he almost had never been _in the game _at all. Plus Mary was no ordinary girl. She was sophisticated, elegant, exciting... that girl _knew how to waltz_! He was pretty sure she was used to way more exciting partners than he was, maybe he was just too ordinary for her. But Matthew realized that inside that beautiful, educated and witty exterior there was a person so sensitive, so fragile, so … real. He had spotted it during the office hours: a light in her eyes would change, her voice would tremble and her smile became shy instead of wry. When she talked like that, he knew she was just being herself, that she was revealing herself to him. And he didn't know, but he too found he could just be himself in that safe place, with her. But in the end Matthew had realized that he knew really little about the beautiful brunette and her story. He knew she had a lively adorable little sister who loved to interrupt them in the worst moment possible, but nothing more. He didn't know anything about her life out of Oxford, her family, her childhood, her passions. Sadly he realized she didn't know anything about him at all. Oh wait, she did know something … She knew about Lavinia. She knew he had a girlfriend whom he was on the verge of marrying at some point. Yes, she did know that and then he had tried to get close to her, crashed her friends party , almost kissed her and now … Now maybe she even thought he was ignoring her, since he hadn't seen her for more than a week. Any girl would have been confused by his behaviour to say the least. But of course there was always the option that she didn't even care at all about him. Regardless the outcome of his feelings for Mary though, Matthew had decided to be honest with Lavinia. To tell her that he had realized their problems couldn't simply be overcome, that it was really over between them, at least on his part. He didn't think it was necessary to tell her that he was falling in love with somebody else, that would've just been cruel. Besides, he if he was going to tell anybody about his feelings, he wanted Mary to be the first one to know.

So he had set his mind to call Lavinia as soon as possible (he knew that breaking up via phone was a lame male clichè, but he thought that acting on his feelings while still linked to Lavinia wouldn't just be honourable), he had rehearsed a whole speech throughout his sleepless nights. But the day he meant to go through with his plan, the first page of every newspaper was recounting the very same shocking news. The House of Commons and the Government had been involved in one of the biggest scandal of the past ten years. Apparently someone provided the proofs that John Swire, Minister of Education, had been stealing from the nation's coffers for years to finance his gambling addiction and his investments in the cocaine market. To think of Lavinia and Reggie (her father), being up there in London and caught in the eye of the storm had made Matthew very concerned. He picked up the phone to call Lavinia, but not with his original plans. He wanted to know if she was ok. He picked up the phone and dialled her number, straight to voice mail. He tried Reggie's but he had no luck with that either. They were staying at Lavinia's uncle in London, so calling the house number would've been pointless as well. As he paced the room back and forth, trying to rearrange his thoughts, the house phone rang. Was it Lavinia? It could have been, she was one of the few who had that number.

"_Hello?_" he answered nervously.

"Matthew, darling?" the familiar female voice filled his ears. It was Isobel Crawley, his mother.

"Mom, hi! How are you? I'm sorry I haven't called you lately..."

"Don't worry dear, I know you've been busy. I'm just calling to see if you've heard from Lavinia and if she's ok."

Of course his mother would've read the papers, and of course he would've worried about his son's longtime girlfriend. "I can't seem to reach her. All their phones are off, they must be submerged by reporters."

"Of course. I suppose they would be. But hasn't she mentioned anything at all to you these past few days?"

Matthew froze. He wasn't quite sure on what to tell his mother. It wasn't really the time, nor the way to tell her about his latest life decisions. Even a modern thinking woman, like his mother was, would've told him that leaving his six years girlfriend for a nineteen years old student he had just met, wasn't a good idea.

"To be perfectly honest, mother, I haven't spoken with Lavinia in quite a while."

But she didn't seem to grasp the concept "I think you should go and see her in London."

"Mother, I don't think you understand..." he reacted quickly, but then he realized he needed no excuse. He really couldn't go to London.

His eyes quickly traveled to the files from the Pamuk-Grantham case. He had worked his ass off to keep the lawsuit under the radar when the scandal had broken on the papers. If he was to be photographed with them, and be part of another scandal... the lawsuit would have simply suffered from it. But all the same, should he go to London after all? Feelings and lawsuits aside, he really was concerned about Lavinia and her father.

"Is everything alright between you two?" his mother then said.

"Not really" he admitted.

"You don't have to explain. But regardless what is going on between you two, you should see how she is doing. For goodness's sake."

"I think you're right. I shall try and call her again. Maybe ask her if she needs me to be there."

"That's my darling boy. I have to go to the hospital now, but I send my love. I suppose I don't need to tell you how much I long to see you for Christmas."

"I miss you too Mom. Now go save lives!" he heard his mother chuckle and then closed the call. He tried Lavinia's phone once again, with no luck. His mind traveled to the Earl of Grantham and the case with the Turkish Ambassador. He knew he had to remain focused, that this particular week was very important. He grabbed his coat, his brief case and stepped out of his flat carrying the remaining papers on hand. If he couldn't reach Lavinia, if he couldn't see Mary, at least he would've tried his best with the case. Throwing himself completely into his work, classic Matthew Crawley. But that case was very important for his career, and that particular witness from the accusation might have been decisive for his strategy. He was determined to hear his statement first hand, to ask him his question, if he would have agreed. At this point he would've gone to see him by himself, even if it meant leaving Oxford for a few days.

* * *

Mary stared at the water boiling in the kettle. Since the Halloween Party she couldn't stop thinking about Matthew. His blue eyes, the perfect nose and his lips … so close to hers. For a moment she had seriously thought he was going to kiss her. But in the end, he hadn't. Yes, Sybil being in trouble might have had interrupted him from doing so, but for the rest of the evening he hadn't tried it again. He hadn't even come close to her. Even in the end, they parted so very politely, and he had said goodnight to her just as he had to Sybil and Anna. Mary had found herself brooding all that following sunday about it. If he didn't like her, if he didn't want to kiss her, then why had he asked to come to the Halloween party with her friends? Maybe he was lonely like Anna said, maybe he just had nothing better to do that night. Mary hated to feel that way. That was the exact reason why she didn't want to hear Anna's encouragement to go after him. But then he was everywhere, before Mary could realize it, he was occupying most of her thoughts. She wanted to just enjoy her first year at Oxford without any boy drama, she wanted an emotional break after Pamuk. She wanted to be happy and she didn't want her happiness to depend on anyone else but herself. But all that determination was useless now because she was miserable. She was miserable because Matthew hadn't kissed her. As much as she wanted to deny it, she was miserable because she wanted to kiss that pretentious jerk with the piercing blue eyes and the perfect smile. The following week she had set her mind on trying to decipher his intentions: she would have studied every smile, every look, every word. But with her greatest surprise and disappointment Matthew wasn't there. He wasn't doing office hours, he wasn't at class, he wasn't walking pensive through the cloisters of Christ Church. Then that day every first page was showing the same shocking news. Minister Swire, Lavinia's uncle, was stealing from the Nation's coffers, and to Mary everything became clear. Matthew must've been gotten caught up in Lavinia's problems. Mary bet she needed him more than ever, that she had called him right away when those proofs had been found. That he had ran to her in London, that he was helping her go through with all of it, that being so close had healed all of their problems. Mary bet that he was kissing her now. He was kissing her, and he was regretting almost kissing Mary. He was surely planning to move to London with her, or move back to Manchester. The Human Rights class was going to be over that semester. Maybe after Christmas he wasn't going to come back. She wasn't probably going to never see him again. Maybe it was for the best.  
"Mary" she head a muffled voice "Mary!"

"Uh?" she responded realizing it was Anna calling for her.

"I think your water is ready."

"Uh? Oh right!" she said and turned off the stove.

"Are you alright?" Anna asked concerned "Are you thinking about Matthew?" _boom! _"Mary, I'm sure he's just working, that's why he can't make it to class."

"It's not that. I mean..._nahhh forget it_."

"No, now you have to tell me." she said in a very resolved tone.

"Have you read about the Government scandal?"

"The question is who hasn't" Anna said in a bitter tone "Shouldn't you be kind of glad for it? It will definitely keep everyone away from your tiny scandal and the lawsuit."

"It not that" Mary said sadly "It's just that the minister, John Swire... He's Lavinia's uncle."

"And Lavinia is?"

"Matthew's girlfriend."

"Oh … I see" Anna said carefully "So you think he's with her now, in London."

"You know... forget I said anything." Mary said standing up.

"Mary... Only someone blind wouldn't say that Matthew has feelings for you. Even if he is indeed in London with her, it doesn't mean they will rekindle their relationship. Yes, they might get closer because of the scandal, but it will wear off, as it will, their problems will still be there."

"I just wish that it could've been simple for me, at least this once."

"It's pretty understandable. But even the scariest obstacles are worth overcoming when you really love someone." Anna smiled at Mary who smiled back.

"Anyway..." she breathed out " This is not my problem, at least for now, so I'm going to concentrate on easier tasks like acing this paper and make the bed for Sybil in the guest room."

"Oh right, Sybil! Can you pick her up a the station like the last two weekends? Because if you're busy John and I will be happy to do it!"

"It won't be necessary. This week she wants to take the bus and come home alone. I guess she wants to show us she can be independent." both girls giggled.

"Do you need help with that bed?" Anna asked as Mary took a look at her wrist watch.

"On second thought, I want to head to the post office before it closes, they should have a package with Sybil's clothes."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"What I want" Mary said wearing her coat " is for you to focus on your micro economy paper. You will have plenty of Crawley drama to deal with when Sybil arrives." she smiled affectionately at her friend.

"Just when I thought I found an excuse!" Anna joked "I guess I'll see you tonight at the club, I have the late shift!"

"Perfect! I'm really looking forward to the boys shouting and fighting over the pool table! This girl needs a romantic drama free night!" they both laughed and Mary stepped out of their apartment.  
Once of the ground floor, she took the purple umbrella from her purse and went out to face the rain. The bike wasn't probably a good idea, so she walked to that part of town where she never went, with music blasting in her ears. As her mind wondered, she realized she must have arrived in the right part of town. That neighborhood was very different from the part of town she was used to. No University building, no clothes shops or student cafes. That was the offices district and serious people raced back and forth with their working clothes and their black umbrellas. At the centre of the little square there was the post office. Mary speed up trying to fight her own thoughts. The music felt distant and muffled as she concentrated on her rubber boots splashing at her every step and on the rhythm of her heart beat. She was in such a trance that she didn't see the guy coming from the opposite direction and hit his shoulder pretty hard. With horror she realized about the mess she had made: all of this guy's paper work was lying on the wet ground.

"I'm so sorry" she cried and quickly bent down to collect the paper. She removed her headphones and felt the victim of her clumsiness bending down as well.

"Mary?" she lifted her gaze and stopped breathing. Matthew helped her up and she handed him the pile of papers "What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I'm going to the post office" she answered quickly "What are _you _doing here?" she asked defensive.

Matthew smiled and looked at her in the eyes " The firm I work in is right there" he pointed at a building not far from them "In fact, work has been pretty harsh this past week" he smiled apologetically, almost as he wanted to explain his absence in class. Mary felt quite embarrassed for all the thought she had been giving about his reason for being absent. He hadn't gone to London, he wasn't comforting Lavinia. He had been working hard, just like Anna had said. "How is Sybil?" he said then breaking the awkward silence "Has she got home safe?"

"No … I mean, she hasn't gone back home." Matthew looked puzzled "She enrolled in a boarding school in Oxfordshire" Mary explained " She's been coming here every weekend."

"Oh I see" he kept smiling " It must be thrilling for you."

"Yes" she smiled politely " Thrilling _and _concerning." Mary stopped to listen to the sound of his laugh. He looked serene, but Mary could tell he had something on his mind. _And what else could it be? _She asked herself bitterly. "How is Lavinia?" she then asked taking him completely by surprise. "I read the papers and I wondered."

"Thank you for that" he told her sincerely " The truth is I still haven't heard from her. They must be constantly harassed by reporters, Reggie and her." he caught her puzzled look "Uhm... Reggie is her father."

Mary nodded "It sounds awful" she suddenly felt sorry for the girl. It could have been her, harassed by reporters.

"I will try and call her again soon." he explained.

"Of course you will" Mary whispered, but hated the way he talked about her. She hated his concern for her, his closeness with her family. Who was she compared to the woman he spent six years with? Mary knew she was exaggerating, that him being concerned was only proof to his good heart.

"I'm very sorry Mary" he said at some point "I really have to go. But it was nice to see you" he smiled briefly and turned his head as he ran through the rain. And so they parted so politely, like two strangers sharing a cab. Where did the Mad Hatter and Alice go? Mary really couldn't tell.

* * *

Matthew closed the door behind his back and greeted the secretary as he got rid of his wet coat. He left the umbrella in the hall and let himself go on his desk. He breathed out heavily. Meeting Mary that way had been unexpected. He had wanted to say so many things to her, about Halloween, about his absence, about his feelings. But she felt so distant. Then she asked about Lavinia, and Matthew felt incredibly tense. It was like Mary had built an invisible barrier between them in that moment, a shield really and _how could he blame her_? Lavinia was still a reality and he was the only one responsible for that. He looked at all of his papers and yawned. _Focus on work _he told himself, but his mobile rang. The screen lit up showing him Lavinia's name.

"Matthew?" her voice trembled in the receiver.

"Lavinia thank god! I tried to call you many times! Mother and I were so worried!"

"I know, I'm sorry. It's been a crazy couple of days... our lawyers suggested we only turn our phones on for emergencies."

"I figured. How are you?"

That was a strange phone call. It didn't matter how many times he would try to ask her about her uncle and the scandal, she turned incredibly evasive and quickly changed the subject. She told him she missed him terribly but at the same time forbid him to come to London. _It really isn't necessary _and _we're going to see each other for Christmas anyway_ she said. Realizing how deeply shocked by the event she was, Matthew didn't have the heart to break up with her. Over the phone was just not the right, especially not after what she'd just been through. He had no idea if something would have ever happened between him and Mary, but Christmas holiday were less than a month away now and he decided he was going to tell her then. Breaking up for Christmas would have been dreadful, he knew it, but it was better than in that moment over the phone, and better than leading her anymore on. _Focus on work_ he told himself again as the conversation ended. Matthew breathed out and looked for the paper where the contact of that key witness was.

* * *

Mary panted as she arrived at John's coffee shop. She parked her bike near a lamp post and went to ring the shop's bell. Just a few minutes later Anna came to open the door to her. The familiar music haunted the dark rooms of the upstairs shop. Once down the spiral staircase, Mary waved at the whole group and went straight for the sofa where Daisy and Gwen were already sitting, Anna followed her.

"Fancy a cocktail, _m'lady_?" William joked offering a glass. Mary took it and thanked him, while Anna was giving her an amused look. "Do you want another one, _honey?_" William asked Daisy. Daisy dodged him quickly and went to change the music with Gwen, as William joined the boys at the pool table.

"Am I missing something?" Mary asked Anna who was looking at Daisy pensive.

"Daisy and William went on a date, she kissed him and now he thinks they're together."

"I see... Poor William" Mary sighed at the thought of the poor guy being led on. Anna picked something up from her look.

"What did you say you wanted to tell me in that text? Did you see Matthew?"

"Yes" Mary moaned "But please, let's not ruin our night over it."

"You won't be able to ruin his night!" Anna joked hinting at William who jumped up and down the room and shoot kisses at Daisy. Mary laughed.

"Mary" John called "Would you like to play with us?" he asked as she and Anna approached "Lover boy here is too distracted."

Mary nodded and took a stick, while Anna gave John a small kiss in the cheek. Mary saw Tom lost in his own thoughts on a armchair strumming a guitar.

"What is it with him, anyway?" she asked.

"He met some mystery girl last week" William informed.

"And he's been this sloppy ever since" John teased.

"You know I can hear you, right?" Tom cried as he stood up and approached them, guitar on hand.

"The worst thing is that he won't say a word about it" William continued.

"I'm not the type who kisses and tells, like somebody I know!" he joked and punched William in a friendly way.

Mary growled to herself. William was acting all lovingly and even Tom Branson now, who seemed to be interested only in politics, was smiling and humming love songs. So much for her romance-free night.

"Are you so taken with this girl that you will let this thing with the Minister of Education pass?" John asked.

"They only wish!" Tom turned serious "I might be smitten, but I've not gone mad. I've spread the word with the guys from my political club, we are organizing a public protest for tomorrow." Anna and Mary looked at each other carefully "You're all welcome if you want to come."

"I think we'll pass" Mary said has her ball fell into the whole.

* * *

Matthew lifted his head from the papers yawning. He looked at the time, it was 6 pm. _Time to lock up _he thought, as he tidied up the papers. He was pretty proud of himself, focusing on work had helped and he had managed to get a meeting with the key witness. He told him on the phone that he preferred to come to Oxford himself instead of being seen talking with the defence lawyer at his own University. That was actually fine with Matthew, who very much loved to stay in Oxford for the last month of lectures left. As the day before he locked up the office way long after anyone else had gone home. He turned the key three times (as Kim, the secretary, had taught him) and caught the lift for the ground floor. As he approached the exit and waved at the door man, he heard a loud noise coming from the streets outside. The door man caught his expression.

"There's a public protest" he explained "For that Minister thing."

Matthew sighed thinking about Lavinia for a moment and he stepped out, hoping to be able to spot his bicycle as soon as possible. The angry crowd was haunting the whole square, hordes of students were protesting against the police. It didn't look good at all. Matthew turned his gaze in the direction of his parking spot but noticed something else instead. In midst of all those agitated people Sybil, Mary's sister, was shouting and cheering. With her it was Tom Branson, Mary's friend. Was it possible that Mary knew about this? That would've allowed her sixteen years old sister to get caught up in all of this? It didn't look right at all.

"Sybil!" he shouted without success "Sybil, over here!" he shouted again now closer to the point where she was. Sybil and Tom turned together.

"Matthew?" she cried, distracted by the confusion.

"Do you know him?" Tom asked puzzled as Sybil nodded.

"Sybil, I think you should go home. It's dangerous!"

"I'm fine, Matthew really!"

"I don't think Mary would like to know that you're here!" Matthew tried to convince her.

"Mary?!" Tom look rather puzzled.

Matthew realized that the poor fellow had no idea of Sybil's identity, and something told him, of his age. Matthew tried to get closer to them, but a big group of people came to push them really hard. Matthew turned to check up on Sybil and realized she had fallen from the push. As Matthew got to the point when they were standing, he saw Tom's face horrified and Sybil laying unconscious on the ground. There was blood on her head and the agitated people were about to step on her. Matthew quickly picked her up and made his way through the crowd, followed by a very worried Tom.

"I... I don't know..." he was very confused.

"Stay calm!" Matthew ordered " We have to get as far away from here as possible and call an ambulance!" Tom nodded and helped him carrying her, while he took his phone and called the ambulance.

"I swear I had no intention to get her hurt" Tom said once they were away from the crowd "I didn't realized it would go so far!"

"When did they say they were coming?" Matthew asked him, half angry half worried.

"Five minutes." Tom said.

There was an awkward silence "Did you know she's Mary Levinson's teenage sister?"

"What? I- She told me she was in college..."

"She's sixteen..." Matthew explained calming his tone. Tom seemed pretty upset by himself, any further scolding would have only made it worse. As Tom caressed gently Sybil's peaceful face, the ambulance arrived, and Matthew helped the nursed loading her in the van. "Her name is Sybil Levinson, she is sixteen years old. She was swept away by the crowd and fell" he explain the doctor who was filling her card.

"Is any of you two family?" the doctor asked.

"No, I'm afraid." Matthew said, knowing what was comining.

"Then I'm afraid you can't come with us."

Matthew nodded "Can you tell us at least in which hospital you're taking her?"

"It's the Churchill Hospital." the woman said closing the ambulance's door.

The siren began to play and the vehicle disappeared through the streets and the crowd. Matthew could see how shaken Tom was.

"We should call a cab and go there" he cried.

"Wait" Matthew stopped him "We have to call Mary first"

"Right" he said breathing hard.

"Do you have Mary's number?"

"You don't?" Tom asked as Matthew nodded "Wait... Sybil's bag." he turned to have a look while Matthew waited for his answer " We put Sybil's bag in my motorbike's dashboard before joining the protest."

Matthew followed Tom to his motor, and when they got there he opened the dashboard containing Sybil's bag. Matthew reached for her iphone in the smaller pocket. He clicked on the address book and scrolled until Mary's name appeared. He clicked on it and a picture of Mary smiling while wearing a very beautiful dress in what seemed a gala. Matthew stared at the picture for a few seconds before hitting call, she looked so beautiful.

"Sybil, darling?" she answered right away "Where are you? You should have been home by now, did you get lost?" her voice was so concerned.

"Mary, it's Matthew"

"Matthew?" she asked puzzled and paused for a moment "Did something happen to Sybil?"

"Mary" he breathed heavily "Sybil was in the public protest down the street from my office. She fell and hit her head. We called an ambulance and they're taking her to Churchill Hospital"

Matthew could hear Mary's breath becoming irregular even through the phone "I don't know where it is" she whispered with panic in her voice.

"Please Mary calm down" _I'm here for you, _he wanted to say "Call a cab and let it take you. We'll see each other there."

"Ok... Ok... Churchill Hospital" she repeated as she closed the call.

Matthew put Sybil's mobile back in her bag and took out his own.

"What are you doing?" Tom asked.

"I'm calling a cab, what does it look like I'm doing?" Matthew was worried, but worried for Mary. He wanted to be there as soon as possible to be close to her. Her voice on the phone, he just couldn't bear it.

"Put it down" Tom ordered "We're going in my motor" he said handing him a helmet "We'll be faster this way." Matthew nodded and the two men rode the motorbike to the hospital.

* * *

As Tom had predicted they had arrived pretty soon, in fact Sybil had just been admitted to the ER. Mary was still nowhere to be seen. When the doctors put Sybil in a stretcher and drove her through the ER doors, Matthew and Tom could only sit in the waiting room. They weren't family and the hospital couldn't disclose any information. A while later, Matthew spotted Mary coming through the door.

"Mary!" he called and approached her quickly. She was shaking and Matthew could see from the red in her eyes that she had been crying. He wanted to hug her so bad, but he knew he had to give her some space.

"Matthew" she cried "Thank God you were there!" she sobbed, then she lifted her gaze "Tom?" she said.

"It's a long story" Matthew tried to explain " Now go and she how she's doing. They're only letting family in."

"Of course" she nodded " and thank you" she whispered and squeezed his hand. Before he could realize it, she had disappeared through the doors of the ER, his hand was still burning from her touch. As time went by Matthew advised Tom to go home, the girls would have probably been tired and Mary would probably have been furious with him. He agreed after a while and made Matthew promise to inform him as soon as he knew anything.

Then Mary came out of the ER and looked for him with her eyes. When she found him, she sat by his side and said "It was a blow to the head and a sprained ankle. They're getting her ready to go home" Matthew smiled to her and handed her a sandwich he had both for her. She ate it pretty quickly (she must've been angry) and thanked him. "Where is Branson?" she asked.

"I sent him home" he explained " I didn't think you would be so understanding tonight."

"You thought right" she cried frustrated "But you didn't need to stay" she said taking his hand. She looked looked at him with her eyes filled with tears. She was vulnerable and heartbreakingly beautiful.

"Of course I did. I couldn't leave you, the both of you alone here."

As he finished his sentence, the doctor walked through the door accompanying Sybil, who was still a little dazed. Matthew helped her walking outside, handing Mary her bag. They called the cab and went straight to Mary's house. This wasn't certainly the way Matthew had pictured going there. He helped Sybil off the cab and up to their flat. He also helped Mary putting her in bed and providing everything she needed. She tried more than once to justify Tom and take all the blame, but both Matthew and Mary agreed it was no time to talk about it. When Sybil finally asleep, Mary and Matthew went in the living room.

"Thank you for what you did today" Mary whispered once they were alone "Sybil told me you came into the crow to get her away."

"I wished I could have convinced her"

"You did more than enough. Sybil is too stubborn" she smiled.

"I suppose you are going to have to call your parents and tell them now..."

"Are you crazy?" she cried "They would kill me, then her , then me again" Matthew chuckled "Trust me, they're better off not knowing." Mary could feel him close to her, she could feel the warmth of his body radiating directly on her, she blushed. "You must be careful not to break Sybil's heart" she said capturing his attention " With you playing the knight in shining armour today, she might have developed a crush on you" she wouldn't dare looking him in the eyes.

Matthew smiled "What about you? Would you rather be turned into a Laurel tree in this moment?"

Mary sighed "I want to give you some piece of advice" she lifted her gaze, facing his blue eyes " You must pay no attention to the things I say." the looked at each other than at their lips and when the looked each other in the eyes again a realization came to them. Before Mary could speak again Matthew's lips were on hers. The moved gently together, craving one another with the same intensity. They opened their mouth to deepen the kiss, first slowly then more voraciously. Their hands had completely gone mad: she was passing her fingers through his silky blonde hair, while his were traveling from her back to her waist, keeping her close to him. Mary wished that moment could last forever. She wished she could froze time and keep kissing Matthew. That kiss was very different from Evelyn's kisses, but it was also different from Pamuk's. The passion burning inside of her wasn't any less powerful, but it was so very different. She didn't feel frightened, she didn't feel like she was doing something wrong. In Matthew's arms she felt completely safe, with him she could tackle anything. It only took a look in those beautiful blue eyes to know that he would never, ever hurt her the way Pamuk did. In that moment Mary realized that she was falling in love with Matthew, and this time she was so sure it was real.

But the spell broke as they heard the key turning in the lock. Anna and John walked in while Mary and Matthew parted, still red in the face, still panting from their kiss.

"How is she?" Anna quickly asked looking at Matthew puzzled.

"She's fine, she's sleeping now. Just a blow to the head and a sprained ankle" she paused for a moment and glanced at Matthew " Matthew was the one who found her and called the ambulance."

"But what was she doing there?" Anna asked worried.

"She was with Tom."

"Tom?" Anna repeated puzzled.

"She's the mystery girl, isn't she?" John asked.

"Apparently" Mary nodded.

"Well... We'd better talk about all of this tomorrow. It's late now and Mary you should get some sleep. Matthew you don't mind, right?" Anna gave him an apologetic look.

"Of course not. We all need some sleep I guess" he reached for his coat.

"Let me walk you to the door" Mary said and he nodded. Once on the door Mary stared once more at his blue eyes. Anna and John were in the kitchen. "Thank you" she said once more in a hushed voice.

Matthew smiled "I'll see you tomorrow … ok?"

Mary knew that was more than a polite way of saying goodnight. She simply nodded and smiled shyly. Matthew looked at her one more time and then went down the stairs. Mary stayed on the door until she could not see anymore of him. She wanted to have the perfect image of him before he could meet him again in her dreams.


	8. Key Witnesses and First Dates

_A/N: Ok I finally did it! It was a nice weekend with my friend who is, ironically, a Lady and loathes it as much as Sybil does. Anyway... I truly hope you like this chapter, it took me a while longer to put it down and I hope I did it justice. Anyway... I will leave you now with the aftermath of the kiss! Enjoy!_

**Chapter Eight: Key Witnesses and First Dates**

Sybil had recovered completely on Monday and so missed school. The school had called her parents then and got both Mary and Sybil in troubles. Mary saw no reason to keep lying (it had already done harm enough), so they told them the truth. Obviously they omitted the part where there was a boy involved, but Cora was onto them. Mary tried to calm down her mad father over the phone and convinced him that taking Sybil away from another school would've just drawn too much attention. In the end she had promised to behave in the new school and she was doing as much. Robert had agreed to Mary's conditions at one point: Sybil had to stay in school for the remaining weekends and not go to Oxford ( they would've talked more seriously at home during the holidays). Sybil had fought the idea for a while, but her sister convinced her she was in no position to refuse, if she wanted to be back in Oxfordshire after Christmas.

Regardless all of her family drama, Mary woke up with a big smile on her face. She sat on the bed and reached for her mobile. Her face lit up as she read something on the screen. She walked slowly to the kitchen, eyes fixed on her iphone.

"Am I missing something?" Anna asked after her appearance in the kitchen.

"Why do you ask?" Mary said nonchalantly, trying to pay attention to her roommate while still glancing at her mobile.

"I don't know..." Anna started with a mocking tone (Mary didn't notice) "The smiles, the sighs... You disappearing so quickly after class... If I didn't know better I'd say there's a pair of blue eyes involved."

Mary blushed violently and finally looked at Anna "We kissed" she whispered and smiled.

"When?"

"The night of Sybil's accident" she thought at that sweet sweet kiss and couldn't help smiling "You actually walked in on us and interrupted."

"You kissed him two weeks ago, and I suppose you've kissed him again since then" Mary had a pretty satisfied look " and you haven't told me anything about it?!"

"I'm sorry, I know! I am a terrible friend! It' just that..." Mary paused founding it difficult to talk about it "After having your summer fling printed and talked everywhere and by everyone... I don't know, I wanted it to be _my thing_, him and I. I didn't want it to be secrete, just _private _for a little while longer."

Anna paused and Mary tried to grasp what her reaction was going to be. Just a few seconds later, her blond friend came near her and gave her a hug "Don't feel guilty,silly. I understand. I'm just so incredibly happy for you. I think you and Matthew are so perfect for each other. You look so natural together."

Mary felt she could hardly contain her happiness. She decided that Anna should be the first one to know something, something even Matthew didn't know "I think... I think perhaps that I love him. I think I may have loved him for much longer than I knew."

"Mary, that's... that is beautiful. I think he loves you too, he doesn't look like the cheating type. He probably will leave Lavinia and you-"

"That's not it..." Mary looked rather serious "Anna, do you think I should tell him?"

_Oh. _Anna's mind hadn't really gone that far. "I don't know. I mean... but if you love him, if you're sure about it, then he deserves to know."

"I know I told you and that John knows too. But you are my friends, I know you won't betray me. Godness knows what might happen with him... I don't have the best luck in the love department."

"You can't know this. He might surprise you. Plus do you really think you can fully _be _with him, without telling him something so fundamental about yourself?"

"I know, but what can I do? How can I be sure?"

"Look for the signs" Mary looked at her puzzled "Look for that pure and simple moment of clarity. In that moment you will realize that you are in love with him, that you can really trust him and all those doubts... will seem pointless. If he's the one you'll know. I can't explain it, but you will know."

* * *

Mary noticed with one eye Matthew leaving class before its end. The professor finished his lecture with the informations for the remaining two weeks. Mary wrote down those points on her notebook and put it in her bag quickly as Professor Murray was wishing them a good day. Anna gave a quick look at Mary eyeing at Tom coming towards them from the back of the room. Mary rolled her eyes.

"You will have to talk to him at some point. I know Sybil does" Anna suggested.

Mary stood up and collected her things " Even if I wanted to I have extra credit now."

"Mary" Anna scolded her.

"I really have to go now, I swear" Anna didn't seem convinced "I'll come to the next club meeting, I promise" Anna's expression began to soften "When is it?" Mary asked reluctantly.

"Tonight" Anna informed her.

"Tonight?" Mary squealed, but thought about the possibility of having to face Tom in that moment and gave in. While she ran out of the class quickly, Anna was left to comfort Tom once again.

Smiling to herself, Mary stepped outside of the class and headed for the big stairs inside the building. Before she could climb them to go to Professor Murray's office, she felt an arm grabbing her and pulling her from a corner. She smiled as she felt the familiar touch pulling her close to him by her waist. In a moment she felt his lips on hers and put her arms around his neck. They both had grown way more confident around each other in the past few days, and Mary could feel that even he couldn't stop smiling through his kisses. After a while they parted gasping for air, but Matthew simply couldn't have enough and was now tracing a path of kisses through her neck.

"What a _looong _lecture" he groaned.

"I have to say, Mr Crawley... this is very unprofessional of you" she said before moaning from his kisses and his hands through her hair and under her shirt.

"My dear Miss Levinson, it's your last week of extra credit … I'm merely trying to make the experience as much enjoyable as possible." he showed that marvelous charming grin Mary could lose her head for. They exchanged a few more kisses but then Mary let out an annoyed sigh.

"It will be so hard to look at you with a straight face now in front of Michael." Michael was the awkward second year student Mary shared the extra credit hour with. Needless to say she was not happy to share those hours with Matthew with him, especially that last week.

"I thought so too" he teased and Mary looked at him inquisitively "That's why I convinced him to do tuesday and thursday. I told him that splitting you too but with my supervision would've been more productive." he definitely deserved one more kiss.

"You did lie about productivity though" Mary made Matthew laughed "So why are we still hiding in this corner and not going up in the office?"

"I gotta go get lunch, but I saw you and just couldn't resist" he gave her a quick kiss and stormed off "I'll see you upstairs".

Mary reached the office and started tidying up the office and making room on Matthew's desk to have lunch on it. Mary noticed how his screensaver was not his journey to Greece anymore, but one of the laptop's default. That simple gesture hit Mary hard: things were moving way faster than she had imagined, but at the same time they had been caught up so much on each other that they hadn't really had much time to talk. When was he going to leave Lavinia? Were they together _together _now? And more importantly, did she have the guts to tell him about her real self? About all of it? Mary found it was really hard to get her head on that topic when he walked back into the room. When the scheduled time was over, Mary helped Matthew locking up the office and together the stepped out of Christ Church. Once outside, Matthew automatically reached for Mary's hand, and that simple gesture full of meaning was enough to make Mary feel butterfly in her stomach. Not even all those expensive frocks and exciting balls put together would've made her more happier than she was in that moment.

"You know what? I would really love to take you on a proper date" he said at some point.

"Where? What did you have in mind?" she asked curious.

"Mmm... Let me think about it..." he stopped and took both of her hands facing her attentive gaze, he fixed one of her curls behind her ear "What about a nice dinner? I know a very good French Bistrot just outside town. It's very quiet and is on a small hill, so we can watch the stars after. Then you can tell me all about you, and I can tell you all about Manchester and mother and everything!" he could hardly contain himself.

"Deal" she smiled blissfully.

"What about tonight?" he asked eager "I really can't wait"

Mary's blissful expression turned upside down "I promised Anna I would face Tom tonight..."

"I could come and support you..."

"You know you can't...They would kill me even if they knew I told you. Plus... I won't be in the greatest of moods after anyway... and I want to be in my best mood" she gave him a flirty smile. Matthew looked at her in silence, his eyes filled with desire. _Where had she been all his life?_ "What about tomorrow, then?" she asked cheerfully.

"I can't" it was his turn to frown "I have a meeting, it's a very important case and-"

"Don't need to justify yourself, work is work" _yep, she was perfect _"but I'm gonna punch you really hard if I don't get to see you on friday!" Matthew stole her a quick kiss.

"Friday night, then. Get ready to the best date of your life."

"I'll be the judge of that" she teased him through one last kiss "Where is your bike?" she asked him then.

"That way" he pointed without breaking his gaze.

"Then it's time to part, I guess. Mine's in the other direction" she glanced one more time at their fingers intertwined and let go.

"Wait" he said before she turned her back "Remember when we bumped into each other at the exhibition?" Mary smiled and nodded " I got you this" he took something from his coat's pocket "I tried to work up the courage to give it to you that night, but I failed"

Mary took the small present in her hands and tore the wrapping paper apart. It was a keychain with a miniature of the Alice in Wonderland's statue "I love it" she smiled. She felt there was more meaning in that little keychain than on all the other things she had ever owned.

"I know it's a silly present, but I thought-"

Mary put her finger on his moving lips "Sssh" she ordered "I said I love it, Mr Crawley. You have to stop contradicting me" she said playfully placing a small kiss on his lips. Mary felt his hands on her hips and could feel his lips widen in a smile. When he left her lips, he stopped by her ear, first panting, then whispering.

"I can't wait for friday"

Mary smiled. _Me too _she was about to say, but something … someone she saw in the distance, behind his back made her completely silent.

_Evelyn._

She felt her throat closing up, the air leaving her lungs and her head spinning. She could see him talking with someone with his usual compound attitude. It was maybe too far to tell, but Mary was sure it was way he moved, the way he spoke... Mary had burned the picture in her head, dreading the moment she would've to face him eventually. But _why now? _Why that day of all day? Why when she was for the first time really happy?

It hadn't been long, but Matthew could feel with his touch that she wasn't so engaged anymore. He shifted his weight and took her face in his hands to look her in her eyes. That's when he realized she was panting, gasping for air, that her eyes were filled with horror and fear.

"Mary is everything alright?" he asked quite alarmed.

"I'm fine" she blurted out when her mindset finally broke "I've just a little bit of a headache. I'll call you later, ok?" she said putting her present in her bag and finishing buttoning her coat.

"Alright" he said placing a kiss on her forehead "I'll see you around".

Mary looked at Matthew reaching his bike and when no one was looking she ran towards her own. She needed to get out of there as soon as possible.

* * *

Anna hadn't come back home all day. She had probably been with John during her breaks and would've helped him locking up. As she looked at herself on the mirror she thought about who she saw earlier. Evelyn Napier. What the hell was he doing in Oxford? She was pretty sure he was studying ad St Andrews! But whatever reason had brought him in town, it had made something terribly clear for Mary. She thought that those months at Oxford had made her stronger, had helped her move on from the incident, the truth was that it all had been a sweet escape. Even Matthew in the end, was a sweet _sweet _escape from her past, from her real self. She had thought she had found herself for the first time being Mary Levinson, the truth was that she was still Mary Crawley and she was going to be her forever. She couldn't run away from that. Her cover was always going to be temporary, she was always going to reveal her true self at some point, even if it was after graduation. She had comforted herself with the fact that Anna and John hadn't changed their ways around her once they knew. That had given her hope, hope that in the end nothing would have really changed. But Anna and John hadn't met Mary Crawley, not really. They had never been part of that world. And if only peaking into her old world had almost given her another panic attack, was she ready to let Matthew into all of that? In all of that mess, he seemed to be the only little chance of happiness she had, and like everything in her life she could choose to get on with it living a complete lie, or let her past shatter it to pieces.

But she wasn't going to think about that now. She had to get ready, she had something else to deal with that night. In that moment, she had to admit, her little feud with Tom seemed pointless when she thought about all of her problems. Sybil had lied to him just as she had lied to her and their parents. Maybe it was time to bury the hatchet and let the poor guy get a break. Once she was done with her make up, she reluctantly put her coat on and stepped out grabbing her purse. She looked at her bike parked near the front door of the building, but she decided there was no time more perfect than this for a relaxing walk. She took a deep breath and concentrated on the sound of her boots tapping of the pavement wet because of the rain, the streets were almost empty and on the road of John's coffee shop, the only lights on were the street lamps and the banner of a pub and a bed and breakfast. She speed up her pace once she saw clearly the Red Lion banner in the distance, but something didn't feel right. She took the phone out of her pocket and dialled Anna's number. When it went straight into voice mail, Mary remembered there was no reception under the coffee shop. She kept with her pace, trying to shake off the feeling that someone was following her. But then she had the confirmation.

"Mary?" she thought she had recognized the voice, but decided no to stop just yet "Mary Crawley?" her heart started pounding at an excessive rate, she knew she couldn't stop now. She never turned her back, but felt the steps coming closer. She decided to turn unexpectedly on the left and get lost in the darkness. She dialled Anna's number again, still no answer. In the dark alley she stopped and held her breath until she could hear her follower's pace. When finally he was nowhere to be seen or heard, she collapsed there on the floor and bursted out crying.

In the coffee shop a few miles away, Anna was sitting on the comfy armchair. Mary was late. She glanced at the boys playing and chatting at the pool table. _Why couldn't Mary just let go?_ The more Anna thought about it, the more she got mad. And to top that, she wasn't showing up. She stared at Tom's anxiously eyeing at the spiral stairs, but her concern was caught by her own boyfriend.

"Stop stressing yourself about it" he said lovingly, giving her a small massage on her back "She'll come around eventually"

"But she promised, John. She promised me."

"She has a lot on her plate. She might have promised you, but she also promised her parents. She has a responsibility when it comes to her little sister."

"I know, I'm being silly. I just don't want things to fall apart in here..." her expression was still very melancholic.

"This isn't just about Mary, is it? It's about Christmas and what we've talked about..." John was very worried.

Anna took his hand "I told you I'm in for the long run, so don't turn all martyr on me. Please let me just be worried about Mary for tonight."

John nodded " Why don't you run upstairs, see if maybe she's on her way."

"This might be a good idea" she half smiled and went up the stairs. She looked at the silent street through the window, but she didn't recognize her friend's familiar silhouette. _Why was she doing this?_ She pulled her phone from her pants pocket and when she found the reception spot, it started to vibrate continuously. Six missed calls, all from Mary. She got her coat and quickly told John, asking him not to alarm anyone. She tried to call her but there was no answer. Anna pondered for several minutes if she had to call Matthew, but then decided she was going to check their apartment first.

It didn't take a lot of time with the bike, but Anna was so nervous and worried it felt like hours. She ran up the stairs of their building and quickly turned the key in the lock. The lights in the living room were off, so she got rid of her bag and coat as soon as she got in. She closed the door pretty quickly and threw her scarf on one chair, ready to run into Mary's room, but that's when she saw her. Mary was simply sitting on the sofa, wrapped in a blanket and showing Anna her back. She hadn't said a word to Anna since she had come in. _You've got to be kidding me_.

"Mary? Are you alright?"

Mary jumped and quickly tried to dry her eyes "I'm sorry" she whispered "I didn't hear you coming in"

Anna hesitated. It looked like she'd been crying, a lot "Mary, what's going on?"

"I'm very sorry about Tom and tonight... I screwed up... I'm unforgivable."

"He'll live. Right now I'm more worried about you. Did something happen with Matthew?"

"No..." Mary said smiling bitterly "He's sweet... just _so sweet._"

"Honey you've got to start talking because I'm getting really worried in here and-"

"I saw Evelyn today" Mary blurted out.

"Are you sure?" Anna asked shocked.

"I am" Mary sighed " and I'm pretty sure he saw me".

Then Mary completely lost it. She told Anna about all of her insecurities, her doubts and her fears, especially the ones involving Matthew.

"I want to tell him" Mary explained " I want to tell him everything about me … I'm just afraid he won't handle it."

"And do you think he will handle it any better a month from now? A year from now? There just so many lies you can pile up...It will fall apart sooner or later."

"I just don't want to lose him."

"You don't have to."

"Yes, but what about Evelyn and everything else. It only took a glimpse of him to make me like this. Will I handle it?"

"Of course you can. With Evelyn is different, you need closure. You haven't really talked after the accident, it's normal for you to still hang on that guilt."

"What is with you then?" Mary asked once she calmed down "You think I didn't notice because of my affairs, but I know something isn't right. Did you have a fight with John?"

Anna smiled, Mary didn't ask too many questions but was right most of the times "Not really. But there's something I can't really talk about and then there's Christmas."

"You won't be spending it together?"

"No. His mom is sick and he's going to visit her in London. It feels a little weird to be tagging along in these circumstances..."

"Of course. So what are you going to do?"

"Well... I have no home or family to go to, so I'll stay here. But it will be fine, I'll eat some popcorn and watch the Doctor Who special on the telly."

Mary had almost forgot that her friend had been in the foster system up until she was eighteen and on her own "Don't be silly! You are not spending Christmas alone, no one should! You are coming with me!"

"Oh Mary, please I wouldn't-"

"And if you really want to see that children show about aliens, I can assure you Sybil never missed it!"

"It is a really good show" Anna smiled and hugged her friend tightly "Thank you"

"You'll never get rid of me Anna Smith"

"As will you Mary Crawley" someway her real name spoken out loud from her best friend didn't sound that bad at all.

* * *

Matthew looked at the time reluctantly. It was time to lock up the office and meet the witness to the Grantham-Pamuk case, Mr Evelyn Napier. _No office meeting_ he had said on the phone, so they had settled for a dinner in town. While he was pretty nervous about the important development this dinner could have brought, Matthew's head was completely in another place. He hadn't heard from Mary all day, she hadn't even called on wednesday night like she had promised. He had even hoped to get a glimpse of her when he had gone to Christ Church for the office hours with Michael, but she was nowhere to be seen. _It could also be nothing _, he reassured himself packing a stash of paper in his briefcase. They hadn't seen each other so often to establish if they were that kind of couple that calls each other every day. _Hell _,they hadn't really established if they were actually a _couple_. Mary might have been annoyed by the whole Lavinia situation, but he was going to explain everything on her date. He was sure she was going to understand his reasons for wanting to break up official during Christmas, and in the end it was just a couple of weeks or less away.

Matthew waved at Kim while stepping out of the checked the email on his phone to make sure he had the right address of the restaurant. It was in the same area as his office, which meant Mr Napier didn't want to know people he was in town. The table was in the smoking area and Matthew asked the waitress kindly if she could point the table since he didn't know Mr Napier at all.

"Mr Napier?" he greeted politely.

"Mr Crawley, I presume" he grinned as Matthew took a seat across the able "You don't mind if I smoke?" he asked already cigarette and lighter in one hand.

Matthew shook his head "May I ask you what's so funny?"

"I just find really amusing that Robert has hired a lawyer with his same last name" he explained lighting up the cigarette "Unless of course you're related to them, but I've never heard them mentioning your name."

Matthew didn't like his attitude. He was another spoiled aristocrat who thought the world was at his feet. "I believe Lord Grantham trusts my experience way more than my last name" Mr Napier still looked amused, but Matthew ignored him "I believe you were involved with Miss Crawley and were the one who brought the late Mr Pamuk at Downton Abbey this summer."

"That is correct. Mary and I had been dating for years, I was just paying her a visit. Little did I know that she was going to screw my turkish friend and cause him a stroke."

Matthew wasn't really liking his language, especially when the name Mary was in the same sentence. It was funny how he had never really paid too much attention to Miss Crawley's first name until that moment. "Where you and Miss Crawley sexually involved as well that summer?"

Mr Napier looked rather annoyed by that question "I don't see how this would be relevant for the defence."

"Let me be the judge of that and answer the question" Matthew responded firmly.

"No" he blurted out visibly bothered "As a matter of fact Mary and I have never been sexually involved."

_Oh that's why_. Matthew could now see why he was acting like a twat. It was a matter of pride. "So you would say that it wasn't in Miss Crawley's character to indulge such a behaviour so freely." he said making some notes on a paper.

"I guess you could indulge any sorts of behaviour in Kemal Pamuk's presence" he commented bitterly, but that remark didn't leave Matthew at all indifferent.

"Would you care to elaborate on that?"

"About Pamuk being a ladies man? It was never a secret, the guy was so used to get what he wanted. I don't see how this is relevant though."

"But I do. In fact I think I shall use your testimony to make my case against the Pamuks. You will have to allow that of course."

"I won't allow anything I don't understand."

"Mr Napier... From your choice of restaurant I gather the scandal has indeed affected you, and you're not very keen on the idea of having to endure it much longer"

"I'm listening"

Matthew grinned "If I don't make a good enough case we will eventually go to court and then you'll have to forget about discretion, because a sex scandal with possible diplomatic backslash is going to be broadcast in all televisions and newspaper" he paused glaring across the table " From your testimony I see a young, inexperienced woman who was seduced by a man who wasn't at all new to these customs involving women. For all that we know he might have even forced himself on her."

"Is that what Miss Crawley told you?" he didn't sound convinced.

"No, I still haven't got her testimony. But in this case do you think they'll believe her? Your words on the other hand, make these assumptions all the more believable."

"Alright" he said at some point " I will allow you to use my testimony, but I wish not to be bothered again by you or Lord Grantham."

"I think we can manage that." Matthew finally said triumphantly.

* * *

Matthew was late for her last extra-credit hours. Mary had already started sorting the files she was supposed to while she waited. The past few days had really given her much to think about, and even though Anna made a very good point, she wasn't sure about telling Matthew about it all. At least not that night. The idea of spending a perfect evening with him, was the only thought who had kept her sane in the past hours. She wasn't willing to potentially ruin that as well.

"There you are" he said stepping into the office "Sorry I'm late" he gave her a sweet kiss on her lips and got rid of coat and briefcase.

"You look like you're in a good mood."

"There's been a good turn out for the case" he explained finally being able to hold her in his arms.

"Looks like there's one more reason to celebrate tonight" she said in a flirty tone, letting him kiss her at first more chastely, then more deeply.

"On that note, I'm afraid I'll have to run out of here earlier than expected" he said panting from the kiss. Mary gave him an annoyed glare, he smiled "I promise I'll make it up to you tonight" he kissed her again.

"You'd better..."

"Shall I pick you up at your house or here?"

"I don't know honestly, I will text you later".

They had a nice time in that quiet afternoon, but there were really too many things to do for them to just mingle and stare at each other in the eyes. Mary locked up the office and went home, she was going to study at the Red Lion hoping to catch Tom and apologize, so she decided to change already for dinner if it was too late. She wore a pretty black dress and put her heels in her bag (she was going to change shoes in Matthew's car). After replying to one of Sybil's annoyed texts, telling her about the date, she stepped out the apartment and close the door behind her.

Thanks to Anna's generous dose of caffeine, Mary got a lot of work done that afternoon and basically finished her final paper for Human Right History. She was pretty proud of it, but she wasn't going to show it to Matthew as he had suggested (it didn't seem right, and quite frankly legal).

"What time is it?" she asked while Anna was refilling her mug.

"It's almost five thirty" Anna said "Maybe you should give up on Tom. John says he hasn't seen or heard of him all day."

"It is kinda late" Mary agreed "I think I'll just stop by at Matthew's office and surprise him. He was going to pick me around six anyway."

"That's a good idea." Anna smiled and couldn't quite contain her excitement. Mary packed her bags and paid for her coffee while Anna wished her good luck and gave her advises. Mary stepped outside the shop and couldn't stop smiling. She checked google maps in her phone and turned the corner to reach Oxford's office area. When she recognized the square and the tall building she took a deep breath and speed up her pace. Nothing was going to ruin her night.

"Mary" she was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't recognized the voice and turned "It is you then." Mary froze instantly. Standing in front of her was Evelyn Napier, flesh and blood. She tried to open her mouth but nothing came out of it. She just couldn't deal with him in that moment "Please, don't run away. I just want to talk to you. Will you sit down with me just for a couple of seconds?" In the end Mary couldn't help nodding, and they sat at a café nearby. "I didn't think they had let you go to Oxford anyway. I thought you were hopping around in some american college by now."

"Evelyn, you have to understand... Nobody knows that I am here."

"What do you mean?"

" Father has a deal with the dean. Here I am known with the name of Mary Levinson."

"Of course... I should have thought Robert would've had some tricks up his sleeves..."

"Listen" Mary interrupted him wanting to get it off her chest " I understand why you didn't want to talk to me after _that _happened, but I wanted you to know that I am so very sorry... There isn't a day that goes by that I don't regret everything that happened and not just for the consequences, but also for the way I hurt you."

"I got to think a lot about us these days, you know? About our years spent together..."

"We never really were together, were we?" Mary said bitterly "I know that now more then ever."

"Because you're seeing someone." Evelyn's words were rushed but sharp.

"Excuse me?" Mary cried interdicted.

"I saw you the other day near Christ Church. You were kissing some blond guy. You seemed really into each other."

"Evelyn, I-"

"Oh Mary you don't need to explain. We've grown up and we've made our mistakes, now the only thing we can do is go on. I realized I was kind of a jerk not talking to you all of these months... I never really thought about the shock that it must've been for you..."

"I'm ok now, I promise."

"Just tell me one thing. Did he hurt you? Pamuk...Did he force himself on you? The thought has been keeping me awake..."

"I did like him, I wasn't... pushing him away. But honestly I had no idea of what was going on by the time he was done with me..." it wasn't easy for Mary to say to those things out loud, but she was glad Evelyn had asked. He was lifting a very heavy weight from her shoulders. They talked a little more about school and their lives (even though the love department was a little awkward) and then said goodbye wishing each other luck and a happy christmas. When Mary looked at the time she realized it was too late and Matthew had probably already gone home. She called a cab to take her home, thinking she could have used some time alone to breath for one moment. But when she finally got in her apartment she had to face yet another surprise. Sybil was there curled up on the couch with Tom where they were kissing.

"What are you doing here?" Mary said raising her voice.

"Mary?" Sybil cried visibly in panic "You were supposed to be out with Matthew right now!"

"So you can screw around with college boys behind my back?"

"You don't understand! You weren't going to hear Tom out, so I decided to come anyway this weekend to reason with you!"

"Oh yeah? I waited three hours for him to show up at John's coffee shop! How could I know that he was here, in my apartment instead? When you are supposed to be in school?!"

"Please Mary" Tom intervened "if you could just listen to us for one moment"

Mary threw her keys and mobile to the side " Let's hear it."

"I thought about it a lot since the accident. I know that Sybil is sixteen and I am twenty... I would've run as fast as I could in any other cases but I really really care for your sister.."

"And what? You think that is going to solve anything?"

"I am in love with her. Whatever will come I will be able to face it."

Mary burst into a hysterical laugh "That's just cute … Really cute. Love is going to fix everything? Oh yeah... Wait until she tells you the whole truth!" incredibly mad, Mary took her coat and stormed off leaving her keys and her phone there.

"Where are you going?" Sybil cried desperately.

"None of your business" she had said bitterly before closing the door violently behind her back.

* * *

It hadn't been long since Matthew had started to worry. Mary hadn't call him all afternoon and she wasn't at the coffee shop either. A puzzled Anna had told him that she had decided to surprise him at the firm, but she had never showed up. While he drove his car in the traffic, he desperately tried to call her once more. This time someone answered, but it was not Mary.

"Sybil?" he cried incredulous, hearing Mary's little sister's voice.

Sybil was a little shaken. Apparently she had once again lied and disobeyed her parents orders and she and Mary had a big fight. She said she had never seen her like this, that something else must've happened to her. She wasn't at home or with Anna and she had no mobile phone with her. Matthew looked at the digital clock of his car and made an unexpected turn.

He had to almost bribe the guardian at Christ Church, who told him visiting hours were almost over. _It'll be a minute _he assured him _I'm just looking for someone._ And there as he imagined she was, seated on the wooden bench, staring at the colourful windows who weren't really watchable with the dark outside. It was she and him, once again, in the dining hall.

"I bet we lost the reservation" she whispered, so glad to see him walk through the door.

"It doesn't matter" he said reaching for her hand "I hear you've had another round with Sybil. Are you alright?"

Mary turned her gaze to face his beautiful blue eyes "Are you sure you want to embark in this crazy ship which is my life?"

Matthew leaned down to kiss her gently "I've never been more sure about anything else"

"I'm sorry about tonight... I ruined everything..."

"It doesn't matter. This only mean that you won't have to make fun of me because you know more about wines and french food... I'm ok with that" he joked making Mary smile "Besides... I make a very good omelette".

They ended up at his apartment, when he offered her a very cheap bottle of wine and they talked and talked... Matthew had told her about his intentions to break up with Lavinia during the break and Mary had told him about seeing Evelyn in town which had made her so upset. She didn't go too deep into details though, and when she thought she was ready to blurt it out, her mouth proved to be engaged in another activity. It took almost one touch, one kiss and maybe too many glass of that terrible wine to get things a little bit out of control on that couch. His jacket was gone and Mary was unbuttoning his shirt slowly, while he was moaning and kissing her neck.

"Oh Mary" he groaned in her ear while he reached for the zip of her dress. Mary was done with his shirt and ordered to take it off, still kissing him wherever she could. Once that was out of their way, they exchanged a few other heated kisses before Mary reached for his belt. Matthew stopped for one moment to look her in the eyes " Are you sure about this?" the last he wanted was for her to feel obliged to do this. Mary didn't answer and chose to kiss him passionately again. Matthew finally finished to unzip her dress completely, when something caught Mary's eyes. She froze instantly. Before he could ask her what was wrong his mobile rang from the other room.

"I have to take it" he sighed "It might be important" he loosened their embrace but noticed Mary was distracted.

"What is that?" she asked pointing at the file case on his coffee table saying _Grantham-Pamuk._

Matthew got up and adjusted his pants "It's the case I'm working on. A stupid aristocrat girl almost causing a diplomatic drift between Uk and Turkey, would you believe it?" he panted while disappearing in the other room where the phone wouldn't stop ringing.

Mary sat there completely frozen, staring at those files with horror. Matthew in the other room was talking calmly and confidently, completely unaware of what was actually going on. Before she could even let herself think about the ramifications of her discovery, Mary zipped up her dress again and reached for her boots and her coat. When Matthew came back smiling in the room she found her standing in the doorway.

"What is going on?" he asked completely oblivious.

"I can't do this... I just can't" she promised herself she wasn't going to cry. Matthew raced to her instantly and grabbed her hand, trying to get her to look at him "No please, don't touch me... I can't! Please leave me alone!" she cried loudly and stormed off the flat. Matthew couldn't believe at what had just happened. He relived in his mind everything that had happened, everything he had said... but nothing could explain why she looked so horrified by him, why she had ran away from him so quickly. After debating it for one moment, he decided to go outside looking for her, maybe she was still in the lobby, maybe she was just outside. But in that cold winter's night, Mary was nowhere to be seen.

_A/N: Oook! Finally the big reveal and the big cliffanger! I sincerely hope you liked it and I would love to hear what you think, and your predictions for what's to come. I don't need to tell you that this is a big turning point to the story and that a lot of drama is coming next. Well now it your turn! Tell me what you think!_


	9. Christmas at Downton Part 1

_A/N: Here we are! It was supposed to be one chapter about the holidays, but it was becoming too long so I decided to split it in two, maybe it works best this way. Besides I wanted to give you an update today :) To respond to one of the reviews: no I haven't studied at Oxford, in fact there's probably tons and tons of mistakes about Oxford student life! Anyway I will leave you to more and more drama!_

**Chapter Nine: Christmas at Downton Part 1**

When Mary and Sybil had laughed at her and told her _Don't worry, we will find a room for you in the house_, Anna hadn't quite grasped how big Downton Abbey was. When she thought about it, it was a little stupid not to imagine its magnitude seeing that it was called _Abbey. _The truth was that Anna had never in her wildest dreams dared to imagine someone living in a place so big. Mary had explained that , _obviously_, great part of the house was a museum now, but that didn't mean that the private part of the building was as big as you could get. Mary also mentioned that since the museum was closed for Christmas, the could actually use some of those rooms for their Christmas celebrations. Christmas and New Year had come and gone now and Mary and Anna were going to come back to Oxford in the middle of january when classes started again, while both Sybil and Edith had to come back to school a little bit earlier.

"Good Morning Miss Smith" Carson the butler greeted her that morning "Do you need my help to find the dining room?"

"Is it so obvious?" Anna cried blushing. Almost two weeks in the big house and still she couldn't find the dining room each morning "and please, as I have already told you, call me Anna. If we were in another century, I'd probably be working for you by now".

The butler smiled at her. He seemed like a very nice person and he seemed to be very proud of his job, despite the fact that he was probably one of the last butlers in the world. Also, he seemed to have taken a liking to her, but Anna knew it was all because of his soft spot for Mary.

"Miss Smith... Anna, I know it's not my place to have an opinion but I wanted to thank you. Lady Mary seems a little down, which is understandable given her current situation, but your presence seems to light her up. Here is the dining room, I believe Lady Edith and his lordship are already having breakfast."

Anna stepped into the dining room and greeted Edith and Lord Grantham. It was so strange to think that in 2011 there were still people who had servants who brought them breakfast in bed. Beside Mary's family, her aunt Lady Rosamund Painswick was staying with them for the holidays and her grandmother the _Dowager Countess of Grantham _( as Carson had kindly reminded her many times) Lady Violet, was practically coming to the house everyday. _Traditionally _Edith had explained _is only married women who are entitled to have breakfast in bed, but Papa is being forgiving these days since we are all living outside the house. _She was referring to her sisters not showing up at the breakfast table. When she made a snarky comment on how she wouldn't have procrastinated so much during holidays if she was at Oxford, her father had ordered not to talk of her sister behind her back.

Everyone in the house seemed to be both pitying and scolding Mary at the same time because of Pamuk (beside Edith who only loved to scold her about it). Her sweet mother, Lady Cora, and Sybil in particular thought that her bad mood during her favourite holiday was related to her being back at the house where the infamous incident had happened. Little did they know that if Mary was always changing the subject when the lawsuit came up, it was not because of the late Mr Pamuk, but for the lawyer who was representing her. _Oh yeah the lawyer_, the oblivious Matthew Crawley. Anna hadn't exactly agreed with Mary's wish to keep him unaware of her discovery, but since she knew how much it had affected her best friend she hadn't said a word about it. For the remaining two weeks of class Mary had always preferred to sit in the back with her and Tom (whom she had forgiven and apologized to since she had bigger problems) and then run away as quickly as she could by the end. Matthew had come by John's coffee shop everyday hoping to see her, desperately trying to get an explanation, but Mary wasn't going to let him find her. In the end when the email with the results of their last paper arrived, Mary had received an extra part of the message which said _Please talk to me, I miss you_. Mary hadn't answered to that either and it was the last time Matthew tried. He stopped calling her, he stopped texting and in the end he stopped coming to the coffee shop. The whole thing was almost painful to watch even for Anna, who thought they were both so silly because it was evident they really loved each other and they could've saved what they had if only they'd been honest. To top that Sybil had been left oblivious on the matter and wouldn't stop asking for explanation, but when Christmas came she was easily distracted and didn't mention Matthew at all since they had arrived at the big house.

Anna hadn't told Mary that just before their break up Matthew had added her to his facebook friends, and she had almost forgotten it until he had liked her status about spending the Christmas holidays with Mary and Sybil. Anna thought that maybe he was facebook stalking her to get a glimpse of how Mary was actually doing, but she had been pretty clear about it: no pictures and not to many words about her in the social networks, protecting her identity was still her primary task. It was only one day after New Year's eve while checking her inbox for John's messages, that Anna clicked on Matthew's profile and found out that _yes, things can get even worse_. Matthew's relationship status had changed from _it's complicated _to _in a relationship with Lavinia Swire_, and if you were to have any doubts about it, he had recently been tagged in a photo of a New Year's eve party in Manchester where he was kissing Lavinia at midnight. Anna knew that this new piece of information would've crushed completely Mary's heart, but she also knew that keeping it from her would've only damaged their friendship. But not even in her wildest dreams she would've thought Mary would've reacted the way she did.

"That is actually good news" she said that afternoon while they were in her room. Anna could see Mary's eyes filling with tears while she stared at the laptop emotionless, but she had to admit that her voice did sound relieved.

"What do you mean?" Anna asked puzzled.

"Well... Professor Murray's class was only for one semester. He will probably move to London to be with her now. This- It means I won't have to see him again" Mary explained breathing heavily. She couldn't help going through those New Year's eve pictures, studying Matthew's expressions and imagining how his friends would be like. She knew she had to stop.

"The problem is you _will have to_ talk to him at some point. Regardless of everything between you too, he's still your lawyer. And from your father's praise, I don't think that's easily gonna change."

"I know" Mary paused and looked away from the screen when the picture of the kiss popped up again "But I've worked that out as well. I've written down a statement and signed it, I'm gonna tell Papa tonight that this will have to be enough..."

Anna watched her friend carefully. She surely knew how to avoid someone if she wanted to. She thought that perhaps it was time to stop staring at that horrible picture and clicked on the facebook logo to go back to her news feed. Mary was about to protest, when the door opened revealing a cheerful Sybil jumping inside.

"I gather your spying has been successful" Mary greeted her "Have you found which boring relatives are coming to dinner?" Mary thought it was so silly that each year for their anniversary on the 5th of January, her parents would host a big dinner at the house with some unfortunate relatives (beside Aunt Rosamund of course) who inevitably ended up being picked on by Granny. Mary knew that each year that event was an excuse to parade their _beautiful daughters_, but she had thought that year more than ever they would've wanted to keep things in the family, especially their daughters. Once again, evidently, Mary had to come face to face with the Crawley's stigma of not being able to let go of traditions.

"No luck, I'm afraid" Sybil moaned jumping on the bed "Who are you facebook stalking right now?" she asked oblivious, with a big smile on her face.

"Just checking up on John" Anna quickly said, saving Mary from an awkward excuse.

"Oh right! He's ok, isn't he?" Anna nodded " Let me give a quick look at Tom's profile" she said giggling and grabbing Mary's laptop "Mama has been breathing on my neck all day!"

"How is Tom doing anyway?" Mary asked while her little sister typed her boyfriend's name excited.

"He's good! He's in Dublin at his mom's right now... Look here he is with her, how cute!"

"Who's the other man?" Anna asked.

"He doesn't look well at all" Mary commented.

"It's his brother. He's a drunk apparently...Anyway! Tom told his mom about us, isn't it sweet?"

"I imagine she will be thrilled that his son is dating the teenage daughter of an Earl!"

"Edith said the same thing! Anyway if you must know she thinks we're pretty foolish!"

"Wait a minute! You talked to Edith?!" Mary shot Sybil a deadly look, Anna would've never wished to be in her shoes.

"She's my sister as well! Plus she apologized about school and-"

"Sybil" her furious eyes were not leaving her sister's.

"Relax! I haven't told her anything about you" Sybil paused and Mary chose to believe her. If Edith did know, she would've never heard the end of it. "Mainly because I don't know the whole story either."

"I already told you. There's nothing for you to know... it's over and that is final" Sybil looked at her like a puppy almost hinting once more how much she liked Matthew for her sister, but Mary decided stop her from expressing those thoughts "And if I were you, I would've thought about it more seriously before telling Edith."

"Oh please, Mary!" the annoying voice came from outside the door. When it opened, Edith came through carrying three dresses "We all know you are concerned only on saving your own skin, so let me reassure you" she let go of the dresses and sat in a chair near them " I won't blurt out the fact that Sybil is dating a twenty years old revolutionary irishman who is one of your friends too. I imagine the stroke Papa would have" this time even Anna felt a little insulted.

"Did you bring everything?" Sybil asked shattering the tension in the room. Anna had understood from the past weeks that it was a tradition for the three of them to get ready all together in Mary's room for a big night.

"Yes" Edith answered and showed them the dresses in the plastic bags "The green one for you, blue for Anna and the yellow one is mine."

"What colour are you wearing, Mary?" Sybil asked excited.

"Red" she grinned.

"Obviously" Edith commented in a sharp tone.

"Ehm... girls" Anna intervened "You really don't have to lend me one of your dresses! I have something, it's fine!"

"Oh shut up Anna!" Sybil cried affectionately "You are practically one of the Crawley sisters now!"

"Besides" Edith specified " As much as we would want to wear simple dresses as well, we're hosting a dinner and if we're not proper Granny will never leave us be."

"I'll have to agree with Edith on this one" Mary said shocking the small crowd "So I'm sorry, but you will have to look like a princess whether you like it or not" she finished smiling to her friend. They talked and laughed for the rest of the afternoon (it had been raining all day, so there was not much to do) and when the time came, they started to get ready. Mary and Sybil spoke highly of Anna's ability with hairstyles, so she ended up doing everyone's hair. In the ended when she saw herself in that beautiful blue dress in the mirror, she almost didn't recognized herself. She preferred not to know how much it was worth, because she was positive it was at least twice as much as everything she owned.

"It's Versace!" Sybil cried causing her almost to choke.

Mary bursted out laughing, recognizing her expression "Honey you shouldn't have told her that! Now she won't be able to enjoy her night!"

"You bet! I probably won't eat because I'm too scared to stain it!"

The group of girls started to laugh together when the door of Mary's room opened once again. It was Cora, Mary's ridiculously good-looking mother, who looked absolutely stunning in her pearl dress. "I'm glad you are all in a good mood tonight!" she greeted them "You sure look beautiful! Anna darling, that dress looks perfect on you!" Anna could hardly believe it, but thanked her anyway. "Look girls, our guests are already here..."

"It's awfully early" Mary commented sharply.

"It doesn't matter what time it is. Your father wants you to come down as soon as possible to greet them" Mary rolled her eyes.

"Edith and I are still doing the last adjustments, I'm sure he won't mind if only Mary and Anna come down with you now. We'll arrive shortly" Sybil told her mother while looking at herself in the mirror.

"I'm sure it will be fine" Cora smiled and offered her eldest daughter her arm. Mary reluctantly caught up with her, pulling Anna with her. They both ordered Sybil and Edith to be quick and went down the big stairs with Cora. Mary could feel that something was wrong. Her mother was being way to nice with her, squeezing her hand and holding her affectionately. When they were almost arrived by the door of the room where the usually received the guest, Mary asked:

"Mama, is there something wrong?"

Cora let out dismayed sigh betraying herself , but managed to say "It's fine, let's go!"

"No" Mary ordered both her mother and Anna to stop " Now you have to tell me who's behind that door!"

"Darling" Cora surrendered "You wouldn't allow us to speak to you about it, so your father decided it was best to invite him-"

"Him? Who did Papa invite?"

"The lawyer. He called last week and said he really needed your testimony so-"

Mary looked as pale as a sheet "This can't be happening" her voice was trembling, she let go of her mothers hand. Anna ran up to her quickly to hug her and squeeze her hand tight.

"It's going to be alright, Mary... It's going to be alright."

"Darling you don't have to be so scar-" but her mother's voice was interrupted by the door swinging open.

Robert stood there and widened his gaze when he saw them "There you are! I was about to send a search party, come on in!"

Before she could realize it, Mary found herself thrown into the room. It was fast, too fast. She hid behind her mother and father but then she saw him. Looking more handsome than ever in black tie.

"Matthew this is my wife Cora" Robert introduced her mother.

"Delighted" he said kissing her palm.

"And this is my daughter-"

"Mary?!" it was Matthew's turn now to be as pale as a sheet. Mary could see the horror filling his magnificent blue eyes in that exact moment. She decided to stay strong and put up a face.

"You already know each other?" Robert asked puzzled.

Before Matthew could get his chance to speak, Mary intervened " Mr Crawley was the professor's assistant in one of the classes Anna and I attended" she clarified while the eyes of everyone in the room were pointed on them "It's nice to see you again, Mr Crawley".

Matthew stared at her for a few seconds, unable to respond. She looked absolutely stunning in that velvet red dress, but her beauty hurt him as much as her indifference. Matthew had to stop all the thoughts flowing in his mind from the realization, all the feelings that were about to overwhelm him completely. With his voice trembling he managed to say "The feeling is mutual. And you too of course, Anna".

Anna smiled and shook his hand as well, however odd it felt. With her greatest surprise, Anna witnessed her friend confidently leave Matthew's gaze to concentrate to the ginger haired girl by his side " You must be Lavinia" she smiled as Matthew's eyes were not leaving her for a second " Mr Crawley has talked a lot about you during the extra-credit work. He even showed us the pictures of your lovely trip to Greece!" her words were sharp, Anna wanted to stop her but it seemed impossible.

"Really?" Lavinia shyly asked glancing at Matthew adoringly "It is nice to meet you, Lady Mary"

"Oh darling you don't have to call her _that_" Matthew almost snapped.

"He's right" Mary teased "He doesn't, so I don't see why you should..."

The tension formed in the room was fortunately interrupted by Sybil and Edith walking in the room. Robert was about to introduce them to relieve the tension, when Sybil cried "Matthew?! What are you doing here!" regardless of her sister's situation she was really happy to see him.

"Hello Sybil" he smiled sincerely.

"Darling, you know Matthew too?" it was Cora's time to intervene.

"Of course I do! He's Mary's...friend" _so much for calling him Mr Crawley _"He's the one who found me during the protest and called the ambulance!"

It seemed almost too much information for everybody to sink in "I guess dear Matthew that we owe you more than we imagined!" Robert tried to light up the room.

"I'm sorry" Violet suddenly spoke causing all of the awkward stares to cease "Can you please continue all of this at the dinner table, so I can at least sit down?"

* * *

That had to have been the most awkward dinner ever. Mary would've paid to have had a couple of boring old relatives instead. But she had to endure a five course meal seasoned with Granny's snarky comments and everybody's eyes (Carson's included) going from her to Matthew. Honestly, it had started to feel like a tennis match. So when the tournament was finally over and they moved to the drawing room, Mary didn't want to give him the satisfaction to catch her alone.

"I'm afraid you'll have to excuse me" she announced " I feel really tired, so I think I'm going to head upstairs" Matthew's heart missed a beat "Anna you're going to come with, aren't you?" Anna nodded and this change every idea on Matthew's head to follow her.

"Mary darling are you sure?" her mother stopped her.

"What about the song? We always sing the song for Mama and Papa's anniversary" Edith cried.

"I don't think think we're going to do that this year." Mary answered bitterly.

"I don't see why not" Robert stated, completely oblivious of the awkwardness of things.

"Come on Mary!" Sybil whined instantly drawing all of the attention on their debacle "We had worked out a new a new coreography as well!" Cora looked excited "You shouldn't be ashamed! Matthew has already heard you sing!" Sybil let slip from her lips.

Anna quickly looked at Mary who was desperately trying not to blush, while the eyes of everyone else (especially Lavinia's) had turned to Matthew. "_Has he?_" Violet's sharp question was the icing on the cake.

"Fine" Mary reclaimed the attention " I'll sing the bloody song and then I'm going to bed" her unladylike statement seemed to have restored the order in the room and Edith took her threatening look as an order to head to the piano.

Matthew took a seat beside Lavinia like the rest of them. When Sybil ran to sit next to Edith at the piano, he found himself facing only Mary turned in his direction. As the music started to play and Mary's soothing voice filled the elegant room, Matthew tried to loosen his collar, gasping for hair. He glanced at Lavinia, who was completely captured by the brief show, and let out a frustrated sigh, that was actually too much to bear. What maybe made everything more difficult for him was how serene Mary looked, she wasn't going out of character for a single moment. She was moving around following the rhythm and making eye contact with her audience, but never ever crossing his gaze. There were however a couple of lines of the song that caused her to look in his direction and made her glance flinch even if imperceptibly.

_For once in my life I won't let sorrow hurt me_

_Not like it's hurt me before_

_For once I have something I know won't desert me_

_And I'm not alone anymore_

Their moment lasted just a few seconds because Mary had suddenly turned her back to the audience and was offering her hand to Sybil. Sybil stood up and the sisters started to dance together following the steps of the song. As the others started to clap for the apparent surprise, Matthew couldn't stop thinking about those few seconds when her eyes had met his. What a beautiful mess he had made.

When Mary and Anna were finally allowed to dismiss themselves, Matthew recognized again her eyes filled with sorrow. How he wished he could just go to her and comfort her. All the weeks trying to figure out when all went wrong , if he did say something he shouldn't have. All those days, and never it had occurred to him to make the connection between Mary Levinson, _his Mary _and Lady Mary Crawley. And yet the signs were all there: she was too beautiful, too elegant, too bright... Matthew had frequently asked himself if she came from a different world, but never could imagine that she actually did. And then there was her ex-boyfriend, yes the very same one he had met in the restaurant, the one she was upset about that night. The one she was confiding to him about before- Matthew couldn't believe his own stupidity: there in the restaurant he had given his client enough reason to convince someone to testify, yet he wouldn't be convinced by those reasons himself. Instead he had spoken out of turn, so proudly, and had called the woman he had fallen in love with a _stupid_. How much he wanted to go to her and explain himself, beg her forgiveness if she was ever willing to give it to her.

But what on earth could he tell her? That he loved her, that he had messed up and there was nothing that could ever make things right? That they must accept their faith even if going back was the only thing he could wish for in that moment?

Mary closed the door of the drawing room behind her back, she knew she couldn't hold the tears for long. Anna walked her to her room and agreed to spend the night there, where she took care of her heartbroken friend. Nothing made sense in that moment, but one thing was clear: Matthew wasn't going to magically disappear the next morning, and with all the eyes of the house pointed in her direction, she didn't have the faintest idea on how to face him.

* * *

The next morning Mary knew better than go down for breakfast. Robert had explicitly forbid them to have breakfast in bed when they were having guests, and Mary decided she wasn't much hungry anyway. Anna had told her that Edith had organized a visit to the Rose Garden, to show it both to Anna and Lavinia. Mary waited until everyone seemed to be out of the house and sneaked into the stables instead. She went directly to find her magnificent black thoroughbred Diamond, and assured Linch that she didn't need riding clothes because she wasn't going to a proper ride. She collected her long wavy hair into a ponytail and mounted on the horse. She spent the whole morning galloping throughout the estate, letting go of all the problems that had been nagging her all night. When her panting had started to increase and even the horse seemed to get tired by the ride, Mary decided to slow down their pace and spotted her favourite bench under the old oak tree. Once they reached it, she dismounted and gave diamond one of the carrots she had brought in a bag.

"Good boy" she said smiling, before ting the horse up. She did a little bit of stretching and let her hair down before letting herself go on the bench.

"Can I sit with you?" she recognized the voice, but when she turned it was simply too late to run away.

"If you must" she chose to answer bitterly.

"Mary before you run away from here or start to avoid me again, you must know how very sorry I am" his blue eyes were searching for her gaze, but she wouldn't have it.

"Oh no" she started "I am sorry that you had to come all the way down here for a _stupid aristocrat girl._"

"If I could take back those words I would. I spent all of those days reaching for you, torturing myself about it... If you only had told me..."

"What?! What if I had told you? Things would be different?" her eyes were now facing his, but were filled with anger "Because all I can see now is you coming to my house with her."

"That is more complicated than you think."

Mary bursted into a bitter laugh "Please let me uncomplicate it for you" she stood up and started to untie Diamond " Things were getting a little boring with that pretty redhead of yours, but she is good she can forgive everything. That's when you decide that screwing one of your students for a semester just to spice up things a bit. But we all know you are going to go back to your precious little redhead in the end eventually."

"You don't mean that" he said firmly standing up "You know that is not true."

"I know one thing to be true: the only thing you're really sorry about is that in the end you couldn't have your way with me" her sharp words were meant to cut deep, just as much the past few days had cut her.

Matthew went after her and grabbed her arm, he just couldn't let her go "Please, if you only just listen to me."

Mary instantly let go of his hand "Don't touch me. I don't want to see you and I don't to breath one more word to you. Please just do whatever my father tells you to do and go away" before Matthew could open his mouth and try to explain, she was already on her horse disappearing into that january morning fog.

_A/N: Part Two of Matthew's visit at Downton is coming soon. There are more characters involved in the second part and it was really becoming too long. So the drama continues, why is Matthew back with Lavinia? Get the tissues ready..._


	10. Christmas at Downton Part 2

**Chapter Ten: Christmas at Downton Part Two**

Mary was dreading the day Sybil and Edith would have left Downton for school. As absurd as it sounded, she really didn't want Edith to leave. Less people in the house meant more chances to bump into the _happy _couple and way less ways to avoid it. Oddly enough she wasn't too opposed to occasionally spend time with Lavinia, as much as she wanted to she couldn't hate her. If anything, she felt really sorry for that apparently sweet girl, break or not he had practically cheated on her ( and broken another girl's heart, but that's a different story). What Mary really couldn't stand was looking at them together: the adoring look on her face, the concerned one on his and just their general easiness around each other. They looked like a picture perfect couple, like the ones you see in those bridal magazine, both so attractive and so complicit with one another. But then when no one was looking, Matthew would point those two sapphires in her direction. Having those eyes on her hurt as much as having them looking away, Mary couldn't stand it. She wished more than anything that the week would be over and she didn't have to be around him anymore. It was too soon, and not even all those years spent mastering the art of ignoring Edith, helped when she was suffering that much. She felt like she couldn't take control of her own emotions and she hated it. At least in all that mess she had someone who she could truly be herself with, and that was her best friend Anna. As soon as the door of her room would shut, Mary would pour her soul out completely to her friend. Every night she wished those feelings would just go away and she would cry all of her tears at the thought of him going to bed with Lavinia just a few doors away. Some times she even wondered if he could hear her sobbing through the walls at night, but she knew very well that the old walls of Downton Abbey were also built to keep their secrets within.

Despite the many times Robert or Cora had tried to catch her alone to push her to talk about Pamuk with Matthew, Mary had managed (mostly with the help of Anna and Sybil) to avoid it successfully. The problem was that she knew that moment was coming whether she liked it or not. Robert was going to play the _concerned father _card and then snap telling her he wasn't going to appear unprofessional in front of his lawyer because of her. Everybody was going to tell her that they were just trying to help her and she would have had to give in the end. _Just not today, _she kept saying to herself _not today_. And when she thought she had worked up the courage do it and get it over with (as Anna had suggested) she would look at him and hear those judgmental words over and over again in her ears.

_A stupid aristocrat girl almost causing a diplomatic drift between Uk and Turkey, would you believe it? A stupid aristocrat girl... Would you believe it?_

It was hopeless.

That morning Anna had sneaked something to eat into her room as usual, and now she was waiting for Mary to get ready for tea in the drawing room. Mary knew that Lavinia was going to be there as well, but she also knew that her parents had gone to Ripon with Matthew, so it was safe to come down. When they both arrived cheerful in the bright room, they were really surprised to find only Rosamund and Lavinia there. Aunt Rosamund looked like a fierce lioness and Lavinia like a poor scared lamb. Well... she looked like that most of the times, but Aunt Rosamund could be very scary some times.

"What happened to Sybil and Edith? I thought they came down for breakfast."

"Indeed they did" Aunt Rosamund was a perfect example of british aristocratic manners just as her mother " but I'm afraid your dear mother has locked them up in their rooms to finish their homework for the holidays" Rosamund was obviously joking about the locking up.

Anna and Mary took a seat beside the two women and Carson started to serve tea. "Poor darlings" Mary commented to break the ice " I think I might go and help Sybil with her philosophy assignment after. She filled my and Anna's ears with complaints about it when she came over to Oxford" both Anna and Mary chuckled.

"Mary, darling. I was telling the sweet Lavinia here how odd it is we have never met each other in London"

"Oh Aunt Rosamund, you can't expect everyone to attend the same social events as you!" Mary scolded her smiling at a very shy Lavinia.

"At first I simply thought I had never seen her because she must have been living with Matthew in Oxford, but it turns out they have made the very brave decision to keep a distant relationship." Mary shot daggers at her aunt. _What game was she playing? What was she hoping to achieve?_

"Actually" Lavinia intervened "I meant to tell you and Anna both that Matthew and I have been taking a break for the past few months, that's why he's never talked to me about you two. I just wanted to assure you that I never meant to be rude. Now that we are fully back together I'm going to do my best to keep up with his new friends."

Anna hoped with all her heart that Mary wouldn't crack, she decided to save the day by answering first "We never thought you were being rude, don't worry" Anna smiled.

"Plus" Mary mumbled "We've been reviewing a lot of course work, that's why we've been less around... You know it's Oxford..."

"Oh please don't justify yourself, I do remember the old days in Cambridge" she smiled so politely she almost made Mary want to puke. _Why did she have to be so nice as well? _"Besides... Your mother and sisters have been very kind, I couldn't have asked for a better company."

"It mustn't have been easy for you in the big city with your uncle's scandal..." Rosamund voiced at some point.

"Aunt Rosamund!" Mary cried baffled and glanced at Lavinia who looked even more pale.

Luckily Anna was sweet enough to take Lavinia's hand and say "We read it in the papers, it must have been awful!"

"I'm sorry girls, I thought she might have wanted to confide about it, especially since the circumstances of the reveal have been so mysterious..."

"I don't see why she would want to talk about something that is so troubling for her" Mary surprisingly took Lavinia's side.

"I apologize" suddenly Rosamund said with a change of tone " I seem to forget how troubling the theme of scandal is for you too Mary, I'm truly sorry" believe it or not she sounded sincere.

"Then we can all agree to avoid the topic altogether" Mary's words were soon followed by Rosamund's nod and Lavinia's smile of gratitude. The four women kept drinking their tea and making conversation, as Mary realized with shock that she had, in that strange turn of events, earned Lavinia's trust and respect.

* * *

"Good Morning Carson" Mary greeted him cheerfully the next morning walking down the stairs.

"A very good morning to you" he responded visibly happy "It's nice to know you found your appetite again, m'lady"

You bet she had. She had waited so long for a morning in which she could go down and have breakfast without having to bump into unwanted company. This time she actually had Edith to thank for because she had organized a ridiculously boring trip up the hill behind the house to pick up the camellias in full bloom. Everyone had responded positively to the idea and Mary was just lucky enough she had been asked for tea at Granny's and no one in the house would have ever dared to object to that.

Her mood had improved exponentially now that she could smell all of the delicious food in the dining room. She couldn't believe she had been missing her favourite meal for that jerk.

Mary waved at Carson and opened the door of the dining room while humming a merry tune. She didn't even look at the dining table and dived directly in the food on the side table. She filled her plate quickly with eggs, bacon and some deliciously smelling waffles.

"Someone's in a good mood today!" her father's voice interrupted her humming. Mary turned her back to find both her father and Matthew having breakfast at the dining table. Robert was visibly happy to see her being cheerful, and as Matthew saw her he shot a hopeful smile in her direction.

"I—I thought you were all going on Edith's trip." she mumbled, hesitantly taking a seat where Robert was pointing. Her father sat at the head of the table and Matthew at his left, in the place that was chosen for her she would've been forced to look at Matthew in the eyes, and _worse _he would need no excuses to stare at her.

"It turns out Matthew here isn't a fan of flower picking either" the two men shared a complicit look and laugh which looked very weird to Mary's eyes "And so are you, as I recall" he teased.

"I was lucky enough to be requested by Granny for tea. No one dared to go up against her" her witty words were followed by Matthew's musical chuckle which caused Mary to look at him. It would have been a perfect picture if Mary didn't know that that honest, beautiful smile was actually not honest at all. She felt incredibly uncomfortable all of a sudden and hoped that her father wouldn't catch her abrupt change of expression.

"We were thinking that maybe we could go over the case with you later..." Robert blurted out at some point "We thought you might appreciate the privacy of the house today."

"I don't know" she managed to say " As I have told you, I have tea with Granny in a couple of hours-"

"We can talk in the afternoon" Matthew dared to intervene.

"But I also have course work, and my father surely doesn't want me to cut any slacks on Oxford..."

"Don't worry about that darling, Matthew has told me how brilliant you've been doing in his class."

"Well..." she said standing up "Matthew forgets I have other classes beside his. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get ready".

Mary stepped out of the room leaving his father bound to give Matthew an apologetic look. Mary ran upstairs both annoyed and mad and quickly went into her room. She opened her wardrobe and searched for the clothes she had chosen frenetically. She wore a cashmere sweater, a skirt, the leather boots and a ridiculously expensive headband. She tidied up her room a bit and after she did her make up she realized one of her pearl earrings was missing. She looked around the room for it for a while, but then she thought she must have dropped it the night before in the room where Anna was sleeping. Knowing that her best friend wouldn't have minded, she stepped in the corridor to reach her room. When she entered that guest room she was very surprised to find Anna sitting on the bed while showing her back to the door.

"Hey!" Mary cried surprised.

"Oh hi" Anna greeted her still not turning her back.

"I think I dropped an earring in here last night that's why I'm here." Mary informed her.

"I put it on the nightstand."

Mary quickly spotted it and wore it instantly "I thought you were going on Edith's trip with everyone."

"I didn't feel like going this morning" her tone was awfully calm but Mary didn't notice right away.

"You could have told me! I had to go and face Matthew alone this morning at breakfast! It was rather awful and-" she had finally approached her friend and could now see her face "Anna, darling, have you been crying?"

Anna quickly removed any traces of tears from her face "It's nothing really..."

"You don't strike me as a person who cries for nothing" Mary said sitting by her side and stroking gently her hair "Do you want me to stay here with you? I can cancel on Granny"

"No please, please don't do that..."

"It doesn't change the fact that I'm not moving until you tell me what's going on."

"There's something about John I haven't told you about..."

"Is that what made you upset that day before the holidays?"

Anna nodded and took a deep breath before confiding in her " John is married."

"What?" Mary almost jumped on her seat "Why didn't you tell me! How could you keep such a burden all by yourself!"

"You really have to ask? Mary you have your life upside down, I didn't want to dump on you all of my problems as well. I couldn't..."

"Darling, I already told you... Never, and I mean it _never_, think even for a small second that my life, my _problems_ are somehow more important then yours! You've spent weeks here comforting me, I think it is my duty to do same thing for you" Anna hugged her friend tightly as the tears started to flow "What is it with this wife? Did you find out or has he told you?"

"No no.. Mary he is a good man. I don't want you to think otherwise" she said between sobs "When he told me he loved me but he didn't want his issues to affect me, I took the responsibility and he told me everything." Mary offered her a tissue and she accepted it gladly " He got married at eighteen, when he was _young and stupid _he says, but the war opened his eyes. His wife was bad news and had cheated on him repeatedly while he was in Bosnia. When he came back she got him in trouble many times,but when he left he decided not to divorce her because it would've ruined the both of them financially. He never saw her again and he never had a reason to divorce her until..."

"Until he met you." Mary concluded.

"Yes" Anna whispered half smiling "So he tried to get in touch with her. I told him it wasn't necessary, we're not going to marry any time soon. But he told me that he wants to be with me properly, that I am not to be anybody's mistress." Mary smiled at John's pureness of heart "But his wife asked around after he asked the divorce and found out about us."

"And now she won't sign the divorce papers"

Anna nodded again holding the tears "And there's more. He called me yesterday and told me she showed up at his mother's house in London. The poor woman in dying and she has decided to ruin his last moments with his mother."

"Oh darling that's really awful!" Mary said holding her friend.

"I just want to be near him... But he says it's best if I stay clear of his wife's air."

"He's probably right. Such a mad woman... I wonder what she might do to you! Just hold on, it's only a couple of weeks away..." Mary stayed there on the bed with Anna for a while and then looked at the time "I can stay here really... I'm sure Granny will understand"

"Oh it's time for you to go, isn't it? Please don't let me keep you"

"Unless you want to come with"

"Oh no, thank you for the offer but I'd rather be alone for a while. I'll clear my thoughts and maybe study a little. It's going to be fine."

"Alright, I trust you will. But keep in mind that I'm going to put Carson in charge of your well being while I'm gone!"

* * *

Mary pulled over near the gates and left her car keys to one of her grandmother's staff. Believe it or not, Violet still had people who would park the car for you. The butler greeted her and showed her to the drawing room where Mary surprisingly found not only her grandmother but also her aunt Rosamund.

"Aunt Rosamund?" Mary asked. The two of them together had never meant anything good "I thought you were with the others."

" I had a couple of things to take care of for Mama, but I'm going to meet up with the others later. Mama said you were coming around for tea, so I thought I could spare some more time. Sit down."

"What is going on here? I don't like it when you two are in cahoots" Mary said sitting down, noticing her grandmother's smile.

"Mary, Mama has been making me notice something these past few days..."

"Aunt if you have to embarrass me like you did yesterday please-"

"Settle down you two" Violet scolded them "Rosamund, maybe it's best if I go first" she gave a peremptory glance to her daughter and started "Mary, darling... I think that there's something going on between you and that gentleman your father has invited-"

"Granny I-"

" No no... Darling we're all too old for lies now. I don't want to know what happened between you two, but I do want to make sure you know you are not in the position to have affairs with men who are involved with other women. You are in the tabloids' radar now and we can't have you being targeted as a harlot or a home wrecker."

"I understand Granny, I do. I assure you that there is nothing going on between me and Matthew, not anymore at least."

"I am glad to know. However good of a lawyer he might be, we have to face the possibility that you will go to court and that the story will be on every paper again."

"Which brings us to the second point of the discussion" Rosamund intervened " It isn't just your lovesick expressions that we've noticed. We have seen him looking at you more than once, and it was very improper for someone who's taken."

"What is your point?" there was no need to put more salt in her wounds.

"He is being unprofessional and you have to remind him that he is working for you. And I don't mean you avoiding him like you've been doing. Because I can assure you my dear, this could drive a man crazy. You need to talk to him for real. Be professional, answer his questions and say whatever you need to say. But don't mention a single word of your involvement and be as cold as ice. This way he will know you are in charge and you don't want him to be distracted. Trust me my darling, men work way better when they don't think they are in love with you." Mary pondered on Rosamund's words. Whereas she was pretty sure Matthew wasn't in love with her at all, she thought that being professional and get it over with wasn't such a bad idea. "Think about it darling" her aunt added "I have to go now, or Edith won't stop nagging me about it."

Mary and Violet nodded and greeted Rosamund goodbye. The sipped their tea and talked about the weather, but Violet noticed Mary's sad eyes. "I don't agree with her entirely, you know."

"Why? What do you mean?"

" I agree of course on keeping things professional since he is indeed working for you, but I believe that we are missing a very important piece of the puzzle."

"Which is?"

"You are in love with him Mary" Mary opened her mouth to respond but Violet zipped her with a gesture "Don't try to deny it, I was watching you the other night when he arrived with that little blonde thing. You looked like... Juliet on awakening in the tomb."

"Oh Granny... I thought I was the one reading too many novels"

"Shakespeare is practically a bible, my dear..."

"Granny I..." she hoped to find the words before losing it completely "I thought you wanted me to stay away from him. That you summoned me to make sure I don't get involved with him again..."

"But you love him."

"What difference does it make? He is with someone else and... as Aunt Rosamund said he works for me.."

"I'm not saying you should throw yourself at him. But you have to be honest, if you love him that much you have to tell him. You don't know if he'll break up with his girlfriend, but mind my words: you will regret it if you don't tell him."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I was young and proud once and I let your grandfather go to war without confessing my feelings. I sent him to war without saying a thing and for years I wondered. I don't want you to make the same mistake."

"Granny, Matthew isn't going to any war..."

"But you might not see him again, am I right? And if you tell me that time will heal every wound, I'm going to respond that the war lasted almost six years."

* * *

Mary pondered a lot on Granny's and Aunt Rosamund's words. Who should she have listened to? Mary felt torn by sense and sensibility, although it felt incredibly weird that Granny should be the latter in that situation. She stepped back into the big house and after being greeted by Carson she gave a look around to find it almost completely empty. She decided to go check on Anna and maybe get her prospective on Granny's advice. She knocked softly on the door but decided to go in when there was no response. The room was dark and Mary noticed Anna sleeping soundly. She smiled to herself and decided she couldn't bring herself to wake her. Instead she headed to her room and looked at the time before laying on her canopy bed, grabbing with one hand the novel she was reading at the moment. Tea with Granny had become lunch and it was now around four pm, which meant Mary had approximately two hours to herself. Two hours in which she could lose herself in someone else's life through those pages, two hours in which she didn't have to think about her messy one. She laid on her stomach and went through the pages until she found the bookmark. She got back into the story so easily she didn't even hear when the door of her room swung open.

"Please forgive me for the intrusion..."

Mary almost screamed when she lifted her gaze and found Matthew standing in her room. She immediately managed to sit more properly (the idea of him finding her that way was extremely embarrassing) and he closed the door behind his back.

"You scared the hell out of me" she complained.

"I'm sorry" he smiled sincerely.

"I don't think you should be here, if my parents-"

"Actually" he interrupted her mumbling "This was your father's idea. I promise you, I'm only here to talk business" Mary couldn't fight that "Can I sit down?" he asked eyeing the chair.

Mary nodded and watched him take a seat in front of her. This was just happening too soon, Mary hadn't had the time to think about that, she simply wasn't ready! Was she supposed to be all professional like Rosamund suggested, or should she just be honest and pour her soul to him in that very moment? Mary's line of thought was interrupted by his deep voice claiming her attention.

" You don't need to say anything special, I just need you to go through the facts again with me so I can add your statement to the ones of the other witnesses. Unless there is something you _want _to tell me." Mary told the story from the beginning, from the brief kisses in the rose garden to the night when Pamuk had come in that very same room to claim his price. "Mary, I know you may find this uncomfortable, but if he did hurt you in any way, you must tell me."

"As I have told Evelyn already, no he did not force himself on me. It was consensual but if I have to be completely honest, I had no idea at all of what was really going on until it was over. Then he just sighed and-"

"Did you love him?" Matthew asked all of a sudden.

"It is unfair of you to ask me that question, and you know that."

"Can you answer it anyway?"

Mary looked into his deep blue eyes and found herself completely lost. He was _begging _her. Why did he keep doing things like that? Why would he lead her own like this if he had chosen Lavinia? Why? "I think you got everything you needed" she said standing up, Matthew did the same "But this has to stop. I'm not angry right now, I truly mean it. You can't say those things to me, you can't look at me like that, not here and not while we are having dinner or tea. You can't look at me like something you lost because you didn't lose me, you chose somebody else. You chose her and you brought her here so-"

"She's pregnant."

"What?" Mary almost chocked her words.

"Lavinia is pregnant. She is expecting my child."

"I heard you, I just can't understand. How can it be possible? You have been in Oxford for over three months-"

"When- When you wouldn't see me or answer my calls, when I _gave up_ , I decided to come back to Manchester earlier. She was _there_ and I was _heartbroken _and _lonely _and we-"

Mary found it extremely hard to hold her tears "And you just couldn't stop yourself..." she was hurt and bitter.

"Don't talk to me like that" his voice was trembling as much as hers, his hand searched for hers and grabbed it "You wouldn't talk to me, you wouldn't see me! I was lost..."

"Don't you see? Don't you see as this... as this makes everything simple for you?"

"Simple isn't exactly the word I would use"

"Will you do the honourable thing and do right by her? Will you take your responsibility and be a father?" Matthew painfully nodded "Then you have it... It's simple." her voice was mocking and emotionless.

"Oh Mary, I am so sorry" his words on the other hand were filled with pain and loss.

"Don't be. As soon as you finish dealing with my case, you won't have to see me again. You will have your life in London with Lavinia and I will be Mary Crawley again. I will live in Oxford and the girl you knew... _Mary Levinson_, she will no longer exist."

"But we are not going to London."

"I thought it was the most sensible thing to do since you're done with Professor Murray's class."

"Mary... Professor Murray doesn't teach only that class. I am staying in Oxford... I am staying and Lavinia is coming with me. We will stay until the baby is born and then... then we'll figure things out".

_A/N: Ok ok ok! Please don't hate me! *hides from the rocks you're digitally throwing* Here you have the tragic end to the tragic Christmas holidays Mary is having. I want to take a moment to thank once more all the new people around and for your lovely reviews and private messages! _

_I do apologize for all the grammar/syntax mistakes you come across. I will try to reread each chapter more carefully but I don't know any mother tongue who would be willing to beta the story. _

_Also I want to specify that this particular turn of the story was planned from the beginning and it wasn't just something I put because I was out of ideas. I know it's tragic, believe me, but bear it with me please!_

_And lastly to answer CloudyDream: I still don't know if Matthew being related or not with Mary will show up in my story but I can say that as for now, it has no particular relevance in my story._

_Until the next time ( I'll try to be as quick as ever, but it will probably take longer)_

_xoxo_


	11. Crushes and Complications

_A/N: Alright, alright, got myself some hate. I had expected it of course, but I am very sorry that I had to post that very sad chapter on the same night that the picture of a particularly important prop of season 4 has been released. Also I realized many US readers are also new to the pain that was the 2012 Christmas Special, so I'm very sorry if I have caused you even more depression (I am, really). But I've decided that I am not going to fill you with crap to justify the plot development and beg you to keep reading, because, first, I don't want to spoil anything and, second, I don't think there's anything I could say to make you feel better besides, well... reveal the whole plot. But I am going to say one thing: I am a believer in happy endings, and that's all you need to know._

_As always I want to thank everyone who took the time to read and review my story so far, and I want to thank those who sent Private Messages encouraging me to go on, regardless of the recent dropouts. I won't abandon you, I promise. And last but not least, I want to thank everyone who offered to proofread the story! My choice of proofreader was only based on timing, so I thank everyone who simply wanted to make the time to do that for me. :) On this not, a BIG BIG THANKS goes to __**jmu **_who proofread this chapter and put up with my eagerness to give you the chapter as soon as possible.

_I am going to make it up to you, I promise._

**Chapter Eleven: Crushes and Complications.**

_February_

John's mother hadn't made it to the end of the month. He had spent the rest of January in London while Anna and a few other employees were taking care of the coffee shop. It was the first weekend of February and the club meetings had officially reopened. This time, especially, all of the regular members had decided to hold a little surprise party for John just to show him how much they cared for him. Anna was almost moved by the idea, and since Sybil was going to come over anyway, Mary had decided to let her come as well. It was a small environment anyway, and Mary really couldn't take the drama that would have followed by saying no to Sybil.

Mary hadn't seen Matthew since he and Lavinia had left Downton Abbey. She knew that they were both in Oxford (she had some papers delivered to her apartment which needed to be signed), but she was glad that their different schedules had made it impossible for them to bump into each other. But even if the formula _Out of Sight, Out of Mind_ seemed to work most of the time, Mary inevitably found her mind wondering in that direction at times. It was the new Creative Writing class that had really opened her mind: besides the regular assignments, Mary had decided to start a diary of all that had happened to her since the Pamuk incident. It might have seemed a bit masochist, but in the end she had all of those feelings bottled up inside and letting them out (even if no one would ever read those pages) was a great way to let off her steam. She loved writing and she was glad that she had found out, even if it had taken so much heartache.

One pleasant turnout from all of that emotional turmoil was that, for the first time in weeks, and you could also say... months, Mary had realized she was attracted to someone - someone other than Matthew, of course. Both Anna and Gwen (and even Tom at times) had been making her notice pretty faces or just simply nice guys all throughout the campus, but Mary certainly wasn't someone simple and she wasn't going to settle down for just _anyone_. It had been with relief, concern, and excitement that Anna and Sybil had received the news that Mary was finally crushing on someone, but that someone was the second semester Creative Writing class's professor, Sir Richard Carlisle. He was very smart and charming and very pleasant to look at, only in a way that men in their thirties can be. When Sybil had asked for her plan of action though, Mary had quickly assured her that she wasn't trying to _fish _him at all. She had to admit that she really enjoyed this early stage in her crush. She really liked the fuzzy feeling she would get when he walked into class or casually glanced in her direction. She wasn't eager to complicate things. But she really wanted to work up the courage to go and talk to him, not with Sybil's intentions but because she would love to have his personal feedback on some of her writing (not her personal stuff, of course).

On the bright side of things, John's wife had disappeared just in the way she had showed up and Sybil was being more responsible. She never missed a class, she had not gotten herself into trouble at school and she was also starting to get good grades. Mary knew that this sudden change of heart had something to do with her situation. Her little sister had realized the pain that Mary was in and was trying her best to not give her any more things to worry about, and Mary loved her dearly for that. That was why on that Friday both Anna and Mary were looking forward to seeing that little devil. Having to deal with problems bigger than themselves, they had learnt to love and cherish the little moments again: Sybil's weekly report on the boringness and pretentiousness of her school mates, the movie nights when Anna, Mary and Sybil ended up in popcorn-throwing wars, and even simply just those times when they would all get ready together, making a mess of Mary's bathroom.

"I told you Mary. That lace dress of yours is essential for me tonight! I haven't seen Tom in two weeks! We have a long distance relationship; I need to find ways to keep him interested!"

Anna and Mary burst out laughing. "Oh, darling!" Mary cried. "I highly doubt _anyone _would get bored with you!"

"Does this mean you won't lend it to me?" Sybil pouted, crossing her arms on her chest like a little girl.

"Of course I will, silly! It's not like I have anyone to wear it for..."

"What about that sexy professor of yours?"

"Yeah, 'cause I'm sure showing up dressed like _that_ would be totally professional!"

"It would surely speed up things for you, if you know what I mean!"

The girls started to laugh hysterically again; they had indeed missed Sybil. As they were finishing getting ready for the surprise party, the topic of Sir Richard came up again.

"You still haven't showed him to me, though!" Anna cried.

"Yep!" Sybil added, "We want pictures!"

"I am a woman with class, darlings. Just trying to keep the mystery alive!"

"Oh Mary", Anna called, picking something up from the top of the dresser. "Is this the new keychain you got? It's cute!"

Mary turned, puzzled to find Anna holding the Alice in Wonderland keychain that Matthew had given to her. "No, no, no", she answered quickly, taking the small reminder from Anna's hands and putting it inside one of her sock drawers as fast as she could. "That's just nothing- I have the new one right there." She pointed at the nightstand and thanked God that Sybil had been in the bathroom at that moment. Funny how such a small object would bring up so many bittersweet feelings. Mary chased away those thoughts from her mind and urged the two girls to speed things up if they wanted to get to the party before John did.

The little surprise was a success. John had been looking forward to that night, but he would've never imagined such affection coming from all of those youngsters. As they were drinking and messing around, John had grabbed Anna and publicly professed his love for her before kissing her. Everyone was cheering them at that point and Tom took the chance to speak.

"You know Mary... My Sybil here has been really good lately, you should be proud! She didn't dare come to Oxford behind your back during the weekends that you and Anna were still on holiday."

"Well that's just because I didn't give her the house keys this time!" Mary joked, receiving a punch from her little sister.

" If I really wanted to defy you I would've slept over at Tom's!" Sybil protested.

"Even you know better than to do that!" Mary kept teasing her, causing everyone else to laugh hysterically at Sybil's whining.

* * *

_March_

Another month had passed and Mary was relieved to have finally left her teenage years behind. For the weekend of her twentieth birthday she sincerely begged Anna not to throw her a party, surprise or not. Her mood had improved for sure, but she wasn't feeling like celebrating her life at all; she was actually glad she had made it through the past year. But both Anna and Sybil weren't going to let her do nothing at all, so to solemnly salute Mary's lost teenage years, they settled for a girls' night and a Mean Girls rewatch. Mary had never understood what she found so compelling about that silly American comedy, but at the same time she couldn't understand how any girl wouldn't love it.

She sat down at lesson on Monday morning and started taking notes on the brand new notebook Anna had given her for her birthday. It wasn't as expensive as the presents her family had sent her, but it surely showed how Mary's best friend would quickly catch up on her latest interests and passions. As usual, the lesson ended more quickly than Mary had imagined and after she had packed her bags, she gave a quick look at her pocket watch to check if she had time to grab a coffee before the following lecture.

"Miss Levinson, could you wait for just a minute?"

Mary turned around just before stepping out of the room. He heart jumped as she realized Professor Carlisle was actually requesting her attention. "Of course", she answered shyly and waited for him to get settled.

"Miss Levinson... Can I call you Mary?", he asked charmingly as Mary nodded. "Mary, I finally had time to read those pieces you gave me and including the papers for the class, I wanted to tell you they're really really good. You have a talent, a future even, in this business."

Mary tried not to appear overexcited. "Thank you Professor! Thank you very much! It means a lot coming from you!"

"Oh please Mary! I don't care for all of this useless nonsense; when lesson is over just call me Richard." Mary wasn't sure how much of that was actually professional, but she decided to concede to his charismatic attitude. "I was wondering if you might want to get a coffee some time, or dinner..." Mary couldn't believe it, was he asking her on a date, just like that? "... to talk about your work, and maybe mine as well." He finished the sentence smiling.

Mary breathed out in relief, "I'd be delighted" as she accepted politely.

"Brilliant, so I will email you when I am free so we can arrange something." Mary nodded and waved at him as they both left the classroom. When her day of lectures was finally over, she still felt very excited and couldn't wait to tell Anna everything about it. On the walk home (there was a thin layer of ice on the streets and Mary didn't feel like cycling around) Mary decided stop by the grocery store. Anna had promised to make her famous curry chicken and Mary _loved _curry chicken. She went inside to grab the remaining ingredients but on her way to the checkout she noticed something, _someone _that made her heart skip a beat. Lavinia was just outside the checkout counter trying to find a way to carry all of her bags. If Lavinia's pregnancy had somehow played the role of recurring bad dream in Mary's mind, her baby bump was now a very crude slap of reality. And _boy _did she look big! She wasn't _huge, _but she surely was _big_ for a three-month pregnant woman. Mary maliciously joked to herself that those were probably the signs that Lavinia was going to get really fat at a certain age. She tried to pay quickly and pass Lavinia as soon as she could, but she found it impossible to remain indifferent in front of her difficulty with managing the bags.

"Let me help you", Mary began, not sure how to greet Lavinia exactly.

"Oh Mary, hi!" She cried a little too excited. "It's so nice to see you!", she continued. "I don't want to disturb you, I'm sure I'll find a way to manage."

"Please, let me help you", Mary said almost against her will. "A woman in your condition shouldn't be afraid to ask for help."

Lavinia smiled warmly and let Mary help her out of the store. When they were finally out, Mary rearranged her bags in a better way for Lavinia to carry them, but she wearily massaged her back and realized how far she still had to walk. She let out an annoyed sigh. "Actually...", Lavinia said before Mary could bid her goodbye, "Would you mind helping me carry the bags to the flat? I wouldn't ask it of you if I wasn't so tired."

Mary felt incredibly embarrassed. No, she didn't want to go back to the stupid flat! Not when the last time she was there, she was getting naked in front of someone who had called her stupid! But how could she refuse to help a pregnant woman? Mary didn't believe in all of that nonsense, but she was pretty sure Dante Alighieri would have thought of a very painful punishment for that sin. Sighing in resignation, she faked a smile and nodded. Just when she had accepted, Lavinia mindlessly asked her, "Do you know the way to Matthew's flat?" Mary froze for a few seconds, incapable of responding. When she found her clarity again, she managed to shake her head and Lavinia offered to lead the way. Needless to say, Mary would have found a better shortcut.

The agonizing walk and talk finally came to an end when Lavinia turned the key in the lock of her front door. Horror flashed through Mary's eyes when she realized the lights in the flat were on. She tried to say her goodbye and run away, but someone beat her on time.

"_Pumpkin _I told you... You shouldn't go to the grocery store by yourself!" Matthew's voice filled the room before he actually stepped into it. When he saw Mary he froze.

"Honey, look... I came across Mary and she offered to help me out!", Lavinia cried cheerfully.

_Offered _to help you out? You practically made it impossible for me to refuse, _Pumpkin. _Mary thought, waving uncomfortably at Matthew. He quickly came towards them and freed their hands from the bags.

"It was very nice of you to do this, Mary." He sounded grateful and surprised.

"Indeed," Lavinia agreed, "Please Mary, let us offer you a cup of tea!"

"Oh no, no, I really should go", Mary quickly responded, "Anna is waiting for me and I don't want to worry her", she said as she headed to the door.

"How... is Anna?" Matthew asked her, still not letting her go. She knew the real question was "_How are you?"_ And how could she even begin to answer that?

"She's fine... despite everything." Mary said bitterly and headed for the door once more.

"Mary, listen... I really need to talk to you." What _now_? Was he going to do _that _in front of _her_? "There have been some developments in the case lately. I already talked it through with your father, but I think it's only fair that you know too."

"Nothing alarming, I hope."

"It depends. I understand it's best for you not to be seen at the firm, so what do you think about coffee? Next week, maybe?"

_Great_. They had never been out on a real date and _now_ they were going out for coffee? _How ironic_. Mary decided to be mature about it and agreed to meet. The sooner she did it, the better.

* * *

The week after Matthew had taken an afternoon off from the firm. He didn't have much to do for Professor Murray's class either, so he thought he could just relax and mentally prepare for his coffee with Mary. As he walked up to his flat, he pondered how strange it had been to see her. He realized he had been stupid to think that all of his feelings for her would've just magically disappeared with time. As he stepped into the flat and waved at Lavinia who was sitting on the sofa (she was _always_ there) he decided not to dwell too much on the topic. As much as he would have loved to differ, he was the _only_ maker of his own misfortune. He should've been honest with Lavinia right away when another woman had begun to inhabit his every thought. Instead he had led her on for months and when Mary had run out on him without any explanation, he had given up to his weaknesses. He had been able to ease his guilt about Mary with the excuse that she didn't want him, that she didn't want to see him anymore, but after his visit to Downton Abbey he couldn't bring himself to do that anymore. It was all his fault: he had ruined everything with the woman he had felt alive with, for the first time in his life, and he was going to lie and play happy with another woman for a lifetime. He could have lived with deceiving Lavinia, but he would have had to pay for his deceit of Mary for his entire life.

"How was work today, Honey?" Lavinia asked him, her eyes still fixed on the television screen.

"As good as it can be", Matthew answered, and that brief exchange was apparently enough. It almost drove Matthew mad how Lavinia could be so calm about it all. How could she just come there and play wife, when they still hadn't talked about their issues? Was she really that oblivious? Did she really think that everything was alright between them? It couldn't be! They were hardly a couple at all, besides the fact that they lived under the same roof and slept in the same bed. Matthew had his reasons for finding it extremely difficult to simply touch her, kiss her. But that didn't explain why she wasn't eager to be intimate with him either. _It is the pregnancy_, Matthew assumed. That sadly didn't change the fact that they were now stuck in playing in shadows of their own past selves, and if Matthew could endure it, it was only because there was Mary's case to keep him busy. Settling that matter for her would have been his very tiny way of making amends.

"Did Mother make her daily call?" Matthew teased to lighten the mood.

Lavinia chuckled "Yes she did. I suppose she will be very relieved when she's going to come and stay here..."

"Stay here? I beg your pardon?"

"I told you yesterday. She wants to come and stay with us for the last months of the pregnancy. I think she will come around May or June. I assumed it was not a problem."

"Of course not", Matthew quickly responded. He already couldn't breathe inside that place; he didn't think adding his mother to the equation would've made much difference.

A couple of hours later he grabbed his briefcase, saluted Lavinia and headed out to meet Mary. He was actually really glad she had chosen a neutral place. He had been almost sure that she would have suggested meeting at her friend's coffee shop, and as much as he thought he deserved disapproving looks, he really wanted to do a good job for her without any distractions. When Matthew found the place in that different part of town, he parked his bicycle and spotted Mary waiting by the entrance of the nice café. As usual she had managed to look absolutely stunning; the vision felt like hundreds of tiny knives stabbing him repeatedly. Before he called out for her, he took a few seconds to just look at her without having her gaze to make him feel incredibly guilty.

"So, what is so important that you had to drag me here?", Mary asked legitimately once they sat down and ordered.

"There have been some developments in the case, some... _complications._"

"I had thought that my testimony, alongside Evelyn's, were the missing pieces of the puzzle or something..."

"Yes, they were. The problem is that the doctor who visited Pamuk when he first arrived to England, the one who identified his heart condition... He changed his testimony overnight. He said he had read the wrong file or something... Some lame excuse anyway..."

"So you think the doctor is lying?"

"He hasn't said a thing for months, but when I finally come up with a perfect case to avoid court, he has a change of heart. I'm pretty sure he's been paid very well to risk lying in a court of law."

"But _why_? Why are the Pamuks still holding this grudge? I never knew them! The man happened to have a heart attack in my bed; why would they want to take it out on me?"

"Honestly Mary... I don't think this has anything to do with the Pamuks anymore," he paused to look at her puzzled expression. "I think it has become Turkey targeting the UK..."

"What does that mean?" Mary looked decisively in Matthew's eyes. "For me? What does it mean for me?" In that precise moment, all of their history was put aside.

"It means that...", he started, incapable of facing her, to tell her that he might fail "… it means that if I don't find some other evident proof of his heart condition, the case _will _go to court."

"So that's just it, isn't it? If the case goes to court, it's over for me. No more living a normal university life here …"

"I've told your father and I will tell you now... I will understand if you want to choose a different lawyer with these latest developments..."

"No." Mary quickly answered. "It's not your fault... I see no use in that", she admitted.

"But I promise you one thing", he said, calling for her complete attention. "If I fail and the case goes to court, I promise you I will do anything in my power, _anything _to make sure you won't have to testify. If you don't, you won't be photographed and there will still be a chance for you to protect your identity."

They discussed all of the details of the case and the hours quickly passed. Neither of them dared to speak of their personal involvement, or the pregnancy, or anything too painful. But it was apparent to the both of them that the spark hadn't quite gone out yet. It was clear in their nostalgic glances, in the tremble of their voices, in the accidental touching. Only when they paid the check and headed outside did Matthew feel like saying something on _that _note:

"I hope it doesn't bother you that I've told Lavinia to meet up here."

"Not at all", she quickly said, putting on her coat. "I'm meeting someone for dinner as well."

"_Oh_", he sighed, opening the door of the café for her.

"Here he is." She smiled and waved in the direction of a well-dressed older man. The man reached the two of them and greeted Mary by kissing her palm. After she smiled charmingly and greeted him as well, the man looked both puzzled and annoyed in Matthew's direction.

"Oh, I almost forgot!", Mary cried. "Richard, this is Matthew Crawley, my _father's lawyer._" She then turned politely in Matthew's direction and introduced the man to him. The name did sound familiar but Matthew was too busy torturing himself as to why would Mary ever want to date someone as stuck-up and self-centered as that man. Matthew never thought he would ever be so relieved to see Lavinia coming their way.

"Oh there's Lavinia... Darling, here!", he called out.

The pale girl reached them as soon as she could. "Hello Mary", she cried quickly, but froze completely when she saw Richard at Mary's side. Before anyone could introduce them, Richard spoke.

"Lavinia Swire", he greeted her in his posh voice. "What a pleasure to see you again! I see you've worked things out with your man... in your own way."

Matthew felt the urge to protect Lavinia from this man's arrogance, but decided to calm things down for everybody's sake. "You know each other?", he asked Lavinia.

"Richard has been - at many parties at my uncle's house in London", she informed them.

The awkward encounter luckily came to an end and the two couples went in opposite directions. Richard took Mary to a very fancy restaurant and she was really pleased. She had found Lavinia's reaction to be very odd, but she wouldn't have given up on this new man, especially if the advice came from Lavinia. She had already taken one man from her, and that was enough.

"What does your father's lawyer need to talk to you about?", Richard asked as some point during the main course.

Mary caught his tone of jealousy, but this time she was actually flattered by it. "Oh you know... Contractual bits for the house here in Oxford. My father has decided to buy it for me."

"I see."

"You on the other hand seemed to know that Miss Lavinia Swire very well", Mary teased.

"One knows many people when one works in the newspaper business."

"I see", she echoed him flirtatiously.

"About the newspaper. I wanted to ask you if you would like to write something for me at times... Tiny bits to start, maybe gain some experience in the field." Mary looked thrilled. "Also... I wanted to know if it would be possible to see more of you..."

Mary smiled confidently and held Richard's gaze. "That's two very different questions... Which one do you want me to answer first?"

* * *

_May_

Two months had passed since Mary had started seeing Sir Richard. They had been very discrete given the fact that he was her professor, but they were both very considerate people and they had managed to keep their relationship proper until that point. Sybil and Anna had the opportunity to meet him but didn't seem to find Richard very compelling. At that point, however, Mary didn't really care if her best friend and her sister weren't crazy about the man. He wasn't the type of man you could really be mesmerized by. But he was rich, educated, charming and Mary really enjoyed being taken to fancy book readings and fancy restaurants with fancy cocktails. It was like a return to the basics: a peek into her past life, or the life she was supposed to have. It was not that she wanted to return to the girl she was once before... What Sybil and Anna couldn't understand was that Mary wasn't looking for the sort of romance she had with Matthew. She had no need for a heart-wrenching love story. She enjoyed her new relationship at this _simple _stage. She loved that Sir Richard appeared to love having her around and he wasn't pressuring her in any way. Maybe this was the relationship she was supposed to have. Maybe love wasn't supposed to be _that _complicated. Maybe what she had with Matthew had simply been _wrong_.

Mary cycled happily to the coffee shop on that sunny Thursday morning. Anna was expecting her for lunch and had agreed that for the sake of their friendship, she would stop with her Carlisle doubts talks and just accept her friend's happiness for that moment. She knew maybe more than anyone how Mary truly deserved happiness. They sat at their usual table and had their usual Thursday lunch filled with silly chatter and laughter. As usual John would take care of their orders and occasionally make fun of their absurd discussions.

"Babe! I said more water," Anna protested playfully as John was failing to fulfil their orders. "Babe?", she asked concerned when there was no answer. Both Anna and Mary got worried and hurried to the counter to see why John had suddenly frozen. A rather nasty looking woman had just stepped into the shop.

"Vera?" He managed to say and Mary recognized the horror in Anna's eyes. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh Bate_sy! _This is no way to greet one's wife!" She walked confidently to the counter and took a seat. "I was just passing through and I thought that I really needed to tell you this funny story I heard in London while I was working for a caterer." The three pairs of eyes laser focused on her, dreading the words she was about to say, but couldn't have actually ever foreseen them. "It's about a poor little aristocratic girl who was on every tabloid a few months ago. The funny part is that, in order to have a normal university life, she is actually living here in Oxford under her mother's maiden name. Pretty funny, don't you think?"

_A/N: Comments and constructive criticism are ALWAYS appreciated. I only want to say that despite the hate, I will go on the way I've planned. I'm sorry I've lost readers but I'm not going to let it affect me. What I can do for you is try to give you daily chapters to show you as we go on that I'm not heartless after all. This was more of a transition chapter, but very important for the future developments. The next one will be very important and there will be parts to look forward to. You won't regret it, I promise._


	12. Riots and Ramifications

_A/N: Thank you everyone for the reviews, the favouriting, and most of all, for sticking with the story! I do agree that in certain cases "hate" is not the right word to use, but I was not referring to the people who simply expressed their concern to me. I know the beginning of the story was fluffy and happy especially in the M/M area, but to me every good story needs a twist (I'm not saying this is a good story, I'm just trying my best) and in the categories I did put "Angst" from the beginning, so you had been warned in a way. Also I want you to keep in mind that I am doing a modernized version of Downton Abbey, I don't think some events in canon would actually make sense in a modern setting. Why would Matthew feel so obliged to marry Lavinia? __The Matthew in my story is a good man, but he also lives in a modern world and it is not so dishonourable to break an engagement anymore, but the possibility of leaving a child fatherless? Well that would be dishonourable in any century. I can't respond to your predictions directly, of course, but I will say that I won't be using Death to adjust everything; that was just odd in canon and I don't want that in my story._

_Also, an announcement: you will have two chapters (this one included) before Wednesday, March 6 and then I will be taking a break for about a week. I have people coming over and then I'm going on a mini-vacation to London (can't wait). It won't be too tragic to wait, I promise, and when I come back there will probably be a couple of chapters left. _

_As last time, kudos to __**jmu**__ for proofreading the chapter!_

_Enjoy this chapter! (Might have to rate it M for safety)_

**Chapter Twelve: Riots and Ramifications.**

"Mary I already told you what I think", Anna said firmly as she refilled two of the three glasses with white wine.

When Vera had dropped _the bomb_ just a couple of weeks earlier, she had given John until the end of the month to decide. Either he had to come with her and leave Anna for good, or give Vera 50 thousand pounds, which was just as absurd. It would have been useless to deny the story being true; that evil woman didn't care and she was going to sell it to the press anyway. Mary looked at the digital clock in the kitchen of her apartment; Sybil and Tom were going to be back in about an hour. Mary decided to keep what happened a secret from Sybil, mostly because of the way Vera had found out. She had been catering at a high society event during what was now a faded memory of the famous _London Season_. Apparently Aunt Rosamund had taken Edith there while she had been visiting, and the middle sister couldn't stop whining to their aunt about the possibility of having to go to Oxford under a false name as well. "_Sure I like Anna, but hanging out with Mary's band of misfits? No thanks. Plus, Edith Levinson just sounds wrong._" That was when everything had clicked for Vera. She had heard about John's Anna and their friend Mary Levinson, and when she decided to do a little research on the Crawley family she realized that that secret must have been worth _a lot_. As much as Mary would have loved to blame it all on Edith, she realized that pointing fingers wouldn't have helped anyone. That's why she preferred keeping it all from Sybil, and the fewer people that knew, the better. That was the last week of May, and together with all the finals for their classes Anna and Mary (and John of course) had only one week left before Vera's deadline.

"Anna, there's no use in telling Matthew! What can he do? Make it all disappear with his super-powers? I don't think he will find any more solutions than us! Plus he's already beating himself up with the case and has a pregnant girlfriend! I don't want to drag him into this." Mary was unmovable. It wasn't a question of pride (although some of that was involved) but Mary really believed that in _that_ case, Matthew wouldn't have helped. He would have made things only more confusing for her.

"I don't want to bring you guys down", John intervened taking a sip of water. "But we all know which one is the only conceivable solution."

Before Anna could let out her cry of protest, Mary stated firmly "No." Both Anna's and John's eyes were on her. "I'm not going to be Anna's reason, or yours for that matter, for unhappiness. You are not giving up on what you have because of _me_. I'm sorry John, but that's the only _conceivable _solution for me."

Anna smiled at her friend, moved by her words. John was grateful, but he still had reason to dispute her. "Mary, I told you how grateful I am. But this is _my_ responsibility, and I am not going to accept your father's money..."

Mary pondered that for a few moments. "I'm starting to think it wouldn't be of use anyway..."

John replied, "If you won't let me go with her, it means I will have to come up with that kind of money on my own."

"But there's only a week left!" Anna cried.

"No", Mary interrupted them "You didn't listen to me: my father's money or _your_ money won't help! Who can guarantee us that Vera won't sell the story anyway? There won't be any binding contract in any case, and an Earl giving that kind of money to a stranger will appear suspicious..."

"Then there's no getting out of it!" Anna cried sadly. She was starting to give up any hope.

John caressed her hand; it was painful to say "I told you, I w-"

"No!" Mary interrupted him once more. "Listen...I have an idea. It's _crazy_, but it might be just crazy enough to get us all out of it."

Before Mary could lay the plan out for them, the sound of a key in the door lock startled them. Sybil and Tom stepped in laughing, still dizzy and cheerful from their date. Anna and John had to wait.

* * *

"Do you realize you are filling my plate with too much information at once? How do you expect me to react to all of this?"

Mary sat in Sir Richard's office in Christ Church. She was trying to breathe regularly, her hands were resting protectively on her thighs, her eyes wouldn't dare face his. Richard on the other hand found it incredibly difficult to sit down. He had been pacing the room back and forth since Mary had arrived.

"I do realize it Richard-"

"You are telling me that you are in fact the daughter of the Earl of Grantham, the one who has been in a _sex scandal_ … In all the months that we've been seeing each other, you've never thought of telling me … But now... now you have to save your own skin, so you've decided to come to me."

"But I _am telling you _now. Do you think I would just blurt out my secret to _anyone_ after only two months of dating? I know I'm putting you in an unfair position here, but I am … _trusting you _with this. Out of everyone. That must mean something to you."

"Silly of me to think that with the class ending this month, we could finally take our relationship public..."

"There's no reason why we shouldn't. Unless, of course, you don't want anything more to do with me after my shocking revelation..."

"_God Mary_. You paint me a far more cruel man than I really am."

"I'm just saying you have _every right _to despise me now."

Richard decided not to address Mary's last sentence. "So, how do you think I can be resourceful to you?"

"You own many newspapers. I thought in some way you could make sure the story doesn't get printed. I don't think giving _this woman _that kind of money would be enough to shut her up."

"You are a very clever woman, Mary. That is one of the things I like the most about you."

"Does this mean you will help me, after all?" Their eyes locked together, challenging each other. The scene looked nothing more than a business transaction. It was hard to believe that these two were actually romantically involved.

"_Alright_", Richard groaned. He walked behind his desk and grabbed a piece of paper and a pen. "Write down all of the information you have about this woman. Every detail and mostly the way to contact her. I will call you when I figure something out."

Before Richard's hand left the paper, Mary grabbed it. "Thank you." She didn't know if he was doing this out of affection, out of _love_ or simply out of pride. Sir Richard Carlisle was a very difficult person to read. But whatever his reasons were, it didn't mean Mary didn't appreciate it all the more.

A few days later Vera was back in Oxford. John had refused all of her propositions just as Mary had told him to do. That is why she was very eager to meet Sir Richard Carlisle that afternoon.

"I have to say", she began without greetings once she was in his office. "Never in my whole life would I have imagined being summoned by a fancy Oxford professor."

"Oh... My teaching position is more of a hobby. These..." he placed on his desk all of the newspapers and magazines he owned "...are what I devote most of my time and passion to."

"Interesting", she smiled mischievously and took a seat beside his desk. "What I'm curious about is how you've heard about me."

"I know everything that goes on here and in the big city."

"And what's the hurry?"

"I'm a newspaper man. When I hear of something good I have to make sure I have it straight away." Vera nodded understandingly "But you understand it will have to be exclusive. I couldn't have you peddling different versions of the story to my competitors."

"Of course I understand. But I can't help it if they pick up the story once you've published it."

"Indeed you can't. But I will control the timing. That's why I need you to sign a binding contract."

"I expected that."

"Here is a check for 65 thousand pounds." Vera eyed the check greedily. "It will be yours once you've signed this." Richard handed her the contract and the pen. "And I warn you, I'm unforgiving when someone breaks a contract with me. One word out of place and you will find yourself in court."

"I expected that too. But don't worry, I will have what I want anyway", she grinned and signed the contract without thinking about it twice.

"Well", Richard said handing her the check. "You sold me the story, now it's time to fulfil the second part of the contract."

Vera's expression went from satisfied to puzzled. "Excuse me?"

"The binding contract you just signed included your obligation to sign these." Richard put another stash of papers on his desk. The contract had been safely locked in one of the drawers.

"What is the meaning of this?!" she cried horrified, looking down at the desk. On it there were John's divorce papers. Richard grinned with satisfaction and pressed a button on the phone next to him.

"Beth... _Let them in._" He let go of the button and shortly after the door of his office swung open. Vera looked shocked and angry as John, Anna and Mary walked in.

"You think you're sooo clever...", she growled at John.

"You have signed a contract", Richard reminded her.

"If you walk away know, it will mean jail for you Vera", John informed.

"_You bastard!_"

"Settle down you two", Richard scolded them. "Mr. Bates... I think we all know the lady here doesn't want to go to jail, so there's no need for us not to behave like proper gentlemen. Am I right?" His last question was addressed to Vera. She let out a very angry sigh, but signed the divorce papers in the end. Anna tried to contain her excitement and relief, and squeezed John's hand. "Enjoy your money _Mrs._- Oh wait I guess it's not _Bates _anymore." Richard grinned triumphantly and everyone in the room other than Vera smiled. She shot the three visitors a deadly look and stepped out of Richard's office without saying a word.

"I can't believe it!" Anna cried happily jumping and hugging both John and Mary.

"Thank you very much, Sir", John said gratefully.

Richard shook his hand. "It was a pleasure to help Mary's friends", he said seriously and glanced at Mary for a moment.

Mary smiled and let Anna and John understand that it was okay to leave her alone with him. The happy couple left the room waving at Mary. When the door closed behind their backs, Mary turned to Richard. "Thank you", she sighed. "So very much." Her tone was incredibly grateful and she took both of Richard's hands. "You have no idea how much this means to me. I will pay you back every cent."

Richard gently stroked Mary's palms and came closer to her body. "Nonsense", he whispered dangerously close. "But you understand, Mary... This changes things." Mary's expression changed abruptly. "I own you now."

"What do you m-"

Richard's hands travelled to her wrists and pushed them violently on his desk. Mary was trapped now between the desk and Richard's body. "This _means _we are going to take things more seriously now. You _will be_ my woman in every way. You _will do_ as I say and fulfil my every desire." One of his hands violently brushed her thigh, the other one travelled perilously from her stomach to her breast. "Are we clear?"

Mary held back her tears as best as she could. Painfully, and against her entire will, she nodded. Richard grinned and Mary thought she was seeing his true self for the first time. His hands suddenly left her body and grabbed her head firmly. Mary closed her eyes as Richard rushed his lips on hers and forced his tongue into her mouth. It was the most disgusting and violent thing she had ever suffered.

* * *

_End of July/August_

Summer had come. Finals were finally over and Mary could finally rest a bit. As Matthew had predicted, there had been no way to avoid court. Most of the doctors who had ever visited Kemal Pamuk were Turkish and were absolutely not willing to share any information with the defence. The court date had been set for the second half of August in London. Mary's father had suggested she stay in Oxford for the time being. The House was opened again for visitors which meant it was harder for security to keep the reporters away. Although the court date had been set, the newspapers remained silent. Mary had to see Matthew a few times to catch up on the developments of the case. He was working his ass off to keep her off of the Witness List. He was confident he could do so, but recognized he couldn't turn his back for even one second. They had decided not to talk about their private lives (so neither Lavinia nor Sir Richard were ever mentioned), but it had slipped from him that his mother was in town and was driving him nuts. Mary had chuckled at that complaint, but Matthew could see that _something _was wrong. He could read it in her eyes. One of the last times they had met, he was so concerned that he couldn't help asking "_Are you okay? Is everything alright with you?_"

"_I'm fine. Everything is fine, why shouldn't it be?_"

But everything was _not _fine. Mary was _terrified_, _horrified, neurotic. _She had kept busy writing those articles requested by Richard for his papers, but couldn't shake those horrid feelings. She had not told anyone about Richard's conditions and now she found herself walking like a ghost, terrified that he would do something to her when no one was looking. She had been lucky that since his obligation to the University was over, he had travelled a lot since then. He hadn't yet been able to put his hands on her... Well... He had touched her inappropriately a few times, but he had never gone _all the way_ with her. _Not yet_, Mary kept telling herself. She carried on each day, writing articles, writing in her journal, playing nice - just to _not_ go completely insane from fear. A couple of times she had even drunk so much at their club meeting, both Anna and John had to drive her home. Her best friend had obviously noticed Mary's changing behaviour, but Anna had also assumed that she felt depressed because she had to see Matthew more often. Mary preferred to let her keep thinking that. If Anna knew the truth, she would have never forgiven herself, and Mary was simply... _tired_ of this story spinning out of control, hurting her and the people she loved. The price to pay was high, but she was willing to pay it if that meant keeping everybody else out of it. In the end _she _was the one who had started all of this with her mistake one year before and _she _had to be the one to suffer the consequences. But even so Mary did realize that it would only take one more bad thing, only one, to crush her completely.

"Please Mary! Pleeeeease!" Sybil cried loudly. She had chosen a public place to make her indecent proposition. _Smart_, Mary thought, as she smiled gratefully at John who was refilling her mug with coffee. Sybil had been staying in Oxford full time now that school was over. Their mother thought it was a kind gesture to keep Mary company before the trial, but she didn't know that Mary wasn't the one benefiting from _her company_.

"Darling it's a messy period, you do understand why I have my concerns about agreeing to this..."

"But Mary...", she cried childishly, "I am _seventeen _now, I know things!"

Mary laughed. "Of course Darling, but you are still a minor and _I _am responsible for you, at least when we are here."

"I know, I know. And I appreciate all that you and Anna have been doing for me. But it will only be for a few days. Mom and Dad will never know! Tom will take the plane from London to Dublin and he will be gone for the rest of the summer. We won't see each other until school starts again!"

Mary pondered this. Sybil was asking to spend a few days in London with Tom just before he went back to Dublin. It was true, there was no way of her parents finding out. They were so harassed by photographers that it was impossible for either of them to come check on their daughters in Oxford. And Sybil had been so good for all of that time... Mary felt she might even deserve this little escape. Mostly she also felt like she had absolutely no strength to take on Sybil's resentment.

"Alright", she finally gave in. "But you have to promise that if anything happens, anything at all, you will call me or in an emergency, go to Aunt Rosamund's."

Sybil nodded "YES!", she cried and ran up to hug and kiss her. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" She let go of her older sister and immediately grabbed her mobile. "I gotta call Tom, he will be so pleased!" Mary smiled sincerely at her sister, she was simply happy … well, that Sybil was happy.

"Oh and Mary?", she said while the phone was still ringing.

"Yes, darling?"

"You won't have to testify. I am sure Matthew will find a way."

Mary nodded and looked at her sister telling the good news to Tom excitedly. She was glad for her sister's concern, but had to laugh bitterly inside... Because she realized that the trial was maybe the less scary thing for her at the moment.

* * *

The day came and Sybil and Tom had left for London. Tom had rented a car to travel more comfortably and to _spend more time alone with Sybil, _as he said. All of this sweetness was starting to make Mary sick to her stomach, so she was more than happy to help the two lovebirds load their trunk on the day they left. Once the trial was over, Sybil planned to drop the bomb about her and Tom to her parents. Mary suggested she make sure that they had paid tuition for Sybil's following year of school before saying anything, but she had in the end agreed to back Sybil up. Tom was a good guy, even if rebellious and borderline anarchic, but he was more than _good, _and especially good to Sybil. Mary had learned the hard way how rare it was to find that kind of man nowadays.

It was the 6th of August and Mary had learned with much discomfort that Anna and John were also going away for a few days. They had been working so much that they had hardly celebrated Vera's departure enough. Mary knew they both deserved it, but the thought of being left completely alone scared her to death. She couldn't tell anyone of course, but she had been quite relieved when she had learned that Richard wasn't going to be in town as well, for at least three more days. That obviously reassured Mary about her _physical _safety, but not so much about her mental state. She knew herself too well, so she knew that having no company around would make her even more closed off unto herself. She would have been lost in her own thoughts and fears; she could only hope they wouldn't eat her alive. _At least, _she thought, _she had the journal_. It wasn't the same thing as confiding in someone, but it would have kept her from exploding, or better, _imploding _at any moment.

She looked at the time on her pocket watch and couldn't quite believe that it had been already six hours, more or less, since Anna had left. She felt a little proud of herself and then decided to go check the fridge so she could think up something for dinner. She stepped forward and opened the door and..._empty._ Now the apartment really did miss Anna. Since Mary thought ordering pizza for one was just too depressing, she decided she would go for a walk and pick up a pizza instead. It was a chilly evening despite it being August, so she wore a pretty denim jacket with her flower dress. The sun was setting and a pretty orange light was filling the sky as she arrived on the street where the pizzeria was. Mary was a little bit surprised to find so many people inside the pizzeria and outside of it. The town had almost emptied with all of the students going home for the holidays, so it was really strange to see that place so crowded even on a Saturday night. As she got closer and pondered whether to go to another place, she realized the crowd wasn't acting normally. People were talking to each other heatedly, some of them sounded confused, horrified, worried. Mary opened the door of the restaurant and heard the familiar sound of the bell. That sound, however, had been easily overwhelmed by the noises of the people chatting and the volume of the TVs brought to the maximum level. Mary wondered what the fuss was all about and noticed that everyone's eyes, even of the men who were making the pizzas behind the counter, were fixed on the screens. Mary lifted her gaze to the televisions and what she saw at first was only flames, flames everywhere. She read the subtitle of those images and learned that that fire had been in London. She wandered why so many people would be interested in a simple fire, but then she heard what the journalists were saying. Following the tragic event of a local citizen shot to death by the police just a few days ago, people had organized a big protest in London, which had begun in Tottenham, the same borough where the man had been shot. Just in a few hours the protest had spun out of control, reaching several more boroughs in London and other cities as well. The news showed fires, buildings and windows destroyed, police vehicles and double-deckers torn apart. The journalist said this had all been originated by students, unemployed, and all different kinds of people who were disappointed in the new government. They were calling these events _riots._

Mary took a deep breath and headed out, grabbing her mobile phone from her purse almost automatically. She clicked on the address book and touched her sister's name. Sybil's smiling face appeared on the screen as the phone warned her it had started the call. Mary waited, but after a few moments of silence it went straight to voicemail. She tried again... twice, then three times, then a fourth. Still the voicemail. She tried to keep her cool and dialed Tom's number. When the same thing happened with Tom's phone, after she tried over and over again, Mary froze. She could still hear the screaming people from the televisions in the pizzeria. Her legs became suddenly weak. She felt like she couldn't stay up on her own feet. Without any care for propriety she let herself go and sat down on the dirty pavement, bringing her hands to her head. It was in that moment that she realized that this was all it took. That horrible horrible news. That's when she broke.

* * *

Matthew locked up the office well after everybody had gone home, as usual. It had been almost the same every day of that month. He would wake up without finding Lavinia by his side, get ready and then leave for work while his mother was already teaching the future mother of his child some very ridiculous breathing exercise. They had decided already the he wasn't going to witness the childbirth; Lavinia preferred Isobel, and so he had been relieved from the duty of learning all of those things. Relationship-wise, things had gotten even worse, the hormones had kicked in and all he and Lavinia did when they were alone was fight. Well..._discussing, _because nothing with Lavinia was actually a fight, not in her eyes. The only time they really tried to behave with one another was when his mother was around. She told them it was normal, that having a child was unnerving. But Matthew knew better. He had known for a while now, it had just been very hard to accept. The only way he had been able to cope with all of this was working. Working full days, working on the weekends, working extra hours. If anybody asked, he could simply say that he needed the money for the baby on the way.

He stepped out of the lift and as he waved at the door man, the _Déjà vu_ hit him. He could still remember the voices of the crowd in the square just outside the building. The doorman warning him about the protest, seeing Sybil in the crowd, and then the hospital. But Matthew's mind quickly travelled to what happened after the hospital. Him bringing Sybil up to Mary's apartment, the two of them being alone, her beautiful face so close to his and then... the taste of those lips on his. As he recovered his bicycle he realized that maybe he just had to be grateful for what he had had. Even if only briefly, he had known love, _true love_. He had _tasted _it, he had _smelled_ it, he had _touched _it. Not everyone could say the same thing. Maybe just that sweet sweet memory was enough for him to go on, to lead a life without her. To do that, however, he also needed to know that _she _was happy. Maybe it was time he accepted the idea of that Sir Richard being with her. But he needed proof. He needed that, but he also needed to win the case. Win it for _her._

He cycled slowly, cherishing the time he had left to himself before stepping back into his flat. His eyes were fixed on the orange-coloured sky as he turned yet onto another silent Oxford street. He had nearly arrived, when the crowd in front of a pizzeria caught his eyes. He wasn't a meddling person by nature, but that picture there sure looked odd. He decided to cycle by just to make sure everything was fine; he heard the crowd buzzing as he got closer, but once nearly at the door something else caught his eye. Mary was just sitting there on the pavement, her arms around her legs in a fetal position. Horror filled his eyes.

"Mary?", he cried in disbelief, but the girl didn't seem to hear him. "Mary!" He yelled and left his bike stranded there, to reach her. "Mary, can you hear me?", he said kneeling down to her.

She lifted her head, her eyes were filled with tears, she looked so confused. "Matthew?", she mumbled.

"Yes! Yes Mary, it's me!", he said caressing her cheek. "Come on, we gotta get you out of here!" He helped her up and looked around them. He couldn't just show up at his flat with Mary. He didn't care about his mother's or Lavinia's opinion, but he thought that bringing her to that crowded place would have just made things worse. He thought about it for a second, and remembered the way to Mary's place. He had only been there once, but he had a good memory. When he finally recognized the building, he took his phone out of his pocket and called his mother to say that he was working late. He didn't know in that moment why he had lied.

* * *

Once in her apartment Matthew helped Mary lay on the sofa and started making some tea. He didn't know much about medicine despite his mother being a doctor, but he did know a sweet beverage would have helped. He also opened different drawers and doors in the kitchen to find something to feed her. Once she had drunk the tea and eaten some cookies, Matthew had found Mary starting to feel a little bit better. Slowly she had started to tell Matthew about the riots and Sybil being in London, being unreachable. He realized how shocked she was and tried to be rational for the both of them. He recalled her saying that she had told Sybil to go to Rosamund's for any emergency, so he advised to start by calling there. Mary thought it was a brilliant idea, but asked Matthew if he could make the call, her voice being too shaky. When the woman on the other end of the phone realized who she was speaking to, she responded snobbishly but listened carefully when he told her the bits about Sybil. She told him Sybil had not tried to reach her but that she was going to mobilize her best people to find her. She asked at the end to talk to Mary and suggested that Mary reach her in London the next day, and for God's sake, to keep everything secret from her father. After she finished the call, it wasn't long until Anna and John called Mary as well. Once she had talked to them and explained everything, she stood up and went into the kitchen where Matthew had just finished washing the dishes.

"Thank you", she whispered. "Thank you for everything." He simply smiled and nodded. An awkward silence fell until Mary said, "So I guess I'm headed to London tomorrow..."

"I can drive you, if you need me to", he cried as he came closer to her.

"You know you can't", she voiced sadly and realized he had caught on her words. "But I won't be alone, so you don't have to worry. Anna and John are coming back first thing in the morning."

"Good...good. I am relieved by that", he said and noticed her gaze wander away from his eyes.

"What is it?", he asked.

"Nothing", she half smiled. "I just remembered... The last time you were here..."

"I kissed you for the first time", he completed her sentence. He had been thinking the same thing, for hours now.

"You know...", she began and this time she actually looked him in the eyes, "That time I actually felt safe for the first time with you. In that moment I truly believed you would never hurt me..."

"_Oh Mary_", he sighed repressing with every fibre of his being the need to touch her face, her hair. "I am so so … sorry", he wanted to yell how foolish he had been, how much he loved her, and how he deserved everything he was going through because of the way he had treated her. But then he _saw it_. The same gaze, the same light in her eyes that he had seen so many months ago in that very same room. He recognized the evident _need _in her eyes, the need for him to _kiss_ her, to _touch_ her. That was it. That was all it took for him to abandon any moral high ground in his mind.

Mary moaned as his lips touched hers, as his fingers went through her hair. She felt a single tear line her cheek as she put her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. _Oh how she had missed it! _His hands, his lips, his eyes, his hair... She had no idea how she had managed to go on without them. As the kiss progressed, everything and everyone else disappeared from their minds. There was no Sybil, no Richard, no Lavinia... just the two of them. Just Matthew and Mary. Two magnets pulled together by an uncontrollable force. Mary felt her legs move almost automatically as he gently removed her denim jacket. She walked backwards, her lips never leaving his, in the direction of her bedroom. Before they stepped in, even his jacket found its place on the moquette. As she lay on the bed on her back, with her gaze never leaving his, Matthew looked at her with desire and knew that there was no going back from that moment. As she started to unbutton his shirt and he lowered the straps of her dress, he felt as if the earth somehow had stopped spinning. His whole world was being redefined by that particular moment, by the little strands of hair on her face, by the sound of her moans, by the beauty of her naked body now revealing to him. Mary's hands went straight for his belt, but he just couldn't resist kissing her, touching her for a moment. He helped then her trembling hands to get rid of that hideous belt, and then the pants, revealing the massive bulge in his boxers. He kissed her again to reassure her, to make sure she was feeling good and safe. When her eyes let him know that it was alright, they removed the boxers together and let the fall under the bed. That was when Matthew started making love to her. He started slowly, carefully and then gradually moved faster following the rhythm of her sighing. In the blissfulness of that act Matthew was hit by the clearest realization that he didn't know anymore where he ended and where Mary began. He couldn't even think about comparing making love to her to sleeping with Lavinia. In that moment there was only Mary, only _them_. As their bodies parted, due to exhaustion versus lack of desire, Matthew searched for her with his arm as he lay on his back, panting. Mary reached him and put her head on his shoulder and one arm around his chest.

"Are you sleeping?", he whispered softly after they just laid there for over an hour.

"How could I?", she whispered back, drawing circles on his chest with her finger. "I want this moment to never end." Matthew felt exactly the same way. How beautiful would life be, if he could just lay with Mary there, forever? "You don't have to marry her, you know", she cried softly at some point, almost regretting to have spoken those words. Matthew turned his head to look her in the eye, begging for an explanation. "We are not in 1920. You can still be a good father... _hell _you could be even a _better _father if you're not trapped in a loveless marriage."

Matthew pondered her words. "You are right. But still … It wouldn't be fair to you. How could I ask you to be with a man who is also committed to a child? You are just twenty years old, why would you want to waste your time, your youth following me?"

"Because I love you", she whispered in disbelief. "I- I have tried not to but... it is just impossible for me! Especially after tonight."

"_Oh Mary_", he said facing her eyes once more, his hand caressing her cheek. "I love you too. So much...Oh my darling!" He couldn't help placing a quick kiss on her lips. "I think I've loved you since the first time I saw you... Since the time... you first insulted my career choice!" He laughed and she laughed with him. "You have to understand... I think I only started living when I met you. This time that we've been apart I... I just felt like I was dead inside." Mary took his face between her hands and started kissing him, at first chastely, then more passionately. It was after a while that they both noticed that a phone was ringing.

"It's not mine", she informed, not recognizing the ring tone.

"Who could it be at this time of night?", he asked more to himself.

"You should take it", Mary urged him and watched as he left the bed to answer the phone in the other room. She sat on the bed and covered herself with the bed sheet. Matthew came back to the room a few minutes later, his face which had been red from the heat, was now as pale as the sheet she was holding. "What is it?"

"It was my mother", he mumbled still in disbelief. "The hospital called. Apparently Lavinia was out and she didn't feel well and fainted." He stood there unable to make up a coherent thought. His deep blue eyes locked with hers.

"Go", she whispered.

Matthew looked around him to identify his clothes. "Mary..."

"I said you have to go. She needs you."

The look he gave her was worth more than a thousand words. He loved her so much, and maybe he loved her even more in that moment. "I promise you", he said as he was dressing, "_This _doesn't change anything between us. When tomorrow comes I'll still love you. I will be there for you, we will find a way." And in that instant, looking into his beautiful blue eyes, Mary believed him.

_A/N: Soooo. I'm pretty proud of this one, I hope you feel the same way. Now you know why I chose to place the story in 2010/2011. Before you make any crazy predictions and feel the need to punch me or something, Mary won't get pregnant from this and Sybil is fine (I said I wasn't going to kill anyone). All the doubts about Lavinia's baby still stand though, and yes the Anna-Bates drama is over, I never really liked the way it went in canon. Minor shout-out: one of the lines regarding Matthew's feelings while he's making love to Mary is a quote from Anna Karenina. I recently went to see the movie and remembered this line from the book. I think it's beautiful, so I put it in. _

_Now it's time to hear what you think, I hope I made some amends._


	13. Newborns and Tabloids (Again!)

_A/N: Hi there, here's the new chapter! I'm so pleased you liked the last one, I was really nervous about writing Mary's and Matthew's first time. I hope I did it justice! To answer some of you: yep any relationship between professor and student is totally inappropriate and would be cause for dismissal. The point is I needed to place Richard in the story, and since he's not the champion of propriety, I guess it kind of worked! As for relationships with professor's assistants, I don't know if they're completely inappropriate, but here in Italy they sure are very common. I know I have been a big meanie to you all :P. I hope you'll find yourselves satisfied with the new developments! I'm really interested now about how you'll react at the turn of events here! _

_Shout out to my beta __**jmu**__! _

_Enjoy and let me know what you think, I'll see you in a week!_

**Chapter Thirteen: Newborns and Tabloids (Again!)**

When Mary, John and Anna had finally arrived in London in Mary's car (since the riots were still ongoing, public transport wasn't recommended), they had with greatest relief found both Sybil and Tom at Aunt Rosamund's. Rosamund really did know her way around the police forces in the city, her late husband being Chief of the Secret Services, so it didn't take too long for her to find them. Apparently they had been caught up in the middle of one of the biggest riots, unwillingly, and in the panic of the crowd Tom had been injured while trying to protect Sybil. Showing a far greater willpower than Mary had ever imagined possible, Sybil had kept cool and helped Tom to an abandoned building where they had hidden, only to be found by Rosamund's men at the first light of the new day. For how absolutely careless Mary was in letting her baby sister go to London alone with her boyfriend (as Aunt Rosamund kept telling her since she had arrived), Mary felt incredibly proud of Sybil and how much courage and wisdom she had shown for her age. Mary wanted to hug her tightly and tell her that, but decided not to wake either Sybil or Tom, who were now sleeping soundly after the shocking past day. Aunt Rosamund had also called a doctor to check on Tom, who had apparently suffered a second-degree burn but was going to get better in a few days. When Mary had gently asked for her Aunt's discretion with her parents, Rosamund had bitterly answered:

"You can very well expect my silence!" she had cried defensively. "God knows what your father- or worse, _my mother_, would think if they knew that I have been involved in any of this."

"Honestly Aunt, I thought they'd actually be grateful."

"Whatever … I would never want anyone to know that I've sheltered a revolutionary, and _possibly _a criminal..."

"Tom is not like that. He is- well... very _open_, and not ashamed to state his opinions, but he would've never brought Sybil to something like these riots, of this I'm sure."

"Oh, so you too are on first name terms with this individual. I bet he's also the one who brought Sybil to that protest in Oxford, when _she _got hurt. If only your dear parents knew who their _little girl _has gotten involved with..."

"Oh they will know. And Sybil won't ask for anyone's permission, I can assure you of that. But there's no need to paint him as much more dangerous than he really is. You can very well imagine it won't make things any easier for either Sybil or Mama and Papa".

"I imagine tears will be shed" Rosamund said snobbishly.

"Oh yes... But they won't be Sybil's".

Mary couldn't really blame her aunt for her concern and indignation (she would have felt the same way not so many months before), but she thought it was really pointless to go too deep into the matter. Sybil was by all means fine, and the events of the past day weren't going to be spoken of beyond the incredibly elegant four walls. Aunt Rosamund would've never revealed her involvement in normal circumstances, let alone with the trial about the Pamuk scandal in two weeks. But what Mary had actually been immensely grateful to her aunt about was the fact that she had not spoken a single word about Matthew. She didn't know if it was because of common sense or simply lack of memory, but she had heard Rosamund's suspicious tone on the phone the night before, and the rest of the night had proven those suspicions to be completely legitimate.

It didn't matter how big of a mess their lives were, Mary, even in that moment, couldn't help feeling butterflies in her stomach whenever her mind would travel back to Matthew. If it hadn't been a matter of Sybil's safety, Mary probably wouldn't have been able to think about anything else. His hands on her, the taste of his lips, the sound of his groans and the utter perfection of their bodies melding together. She finally fully understood all of those romance novels that Sybil would oblige her to read. Every quote she could think of, every sweet song's lyrics seemed to be about what she felt for Matthew. She felt so silly when she realized she couldn't stop smiling and actually had to remind herself not to do it too much. To her friends' eyes she didn't have many reasons to be happy and that unusual broad smile on her face would've raise too many suspicions. She hadn't quite worked out if she should tell Anna and Sybil about her night with Matthew. She knew they had been his biggest fans regarding her love life, but would have they been so supportive of it now that Matthew was a father? As absurd as their prospects might appear, Mary knew what she had to fight for now, and she surely wasn't going to let _all of that _slip away from her fingers, not now, not _ever._

Matthew had kept the promise he made before leaving Mary's apartment, and had been texting her ever since. He was concerned about Sybil's as well as Mary's well being, and had informed her that Lavinia was fine but the shock she experienced had caused early labour. The baby was born after only seven and one-half months, but that wasn't uncommon at all. Plus, as Matthew said, she seemed to be a very strong little girl. It was silly for Mary to be so worried. Mary was able to tell even through text messaging just how thrilled Matthew felt about his daughter. It's said that a baby changes everything for a couple, but what about when the woman isn't, indeed, the mother of the child? Mary had truly believed in Matthew's words of commitment to her, but he had spoken them before laying his eyes on his little girl. How much time would he have left for Mary, now that fatherhood had claimed him? Maybe Mary hadn't thought their situation through enough, but one thing was perfectly clear to her: she couldn't have loved anyone else as long as Matthew walked the earth. Those months during which she had tried to convince herself otherwise had ended up being pointless.

The group didn't stay in London for too long. Anna and John especially wanted to avoid spending the night there. That's why when both Tom and Sybil had recovered their forces, they all decided to hit the road again. Tom had missed his flight anyway, so he had decided he would go back to Oxford with them and book another flight around the time of the trial. Mary's and Anna's apartment had been incredibly crowded the following days; Tom had been staying over since to the dorms being closed, and although he had his own apartment, John basically ate every meal at their place.

"Thank you for helping me cleaning up the mess which is my bedroom,Anna, you're an angel!"

"Are you kidding me? John has been sleeping over practically every night and this flat has become a hostel, it was the least I could do!"

It was an early morning and Anna was helping Mary out before going to work at the coffee shop. Keeping her room clean during such a stressful period had proven to be more difficult than Mary had thought, especially since she'd always had someone to do it for her.

"What is _this_ doing down here?" Anna pulled a blue tie from under the bed. Mary blushed violently. "_Oh _Mary … Please don't tell me you've brought Richard here! I know he saved us and all, but it just feels funny to know that he's been here..._naked._"

"No, no, no!" Mary cried a little too anxiously "This is not _Richard's-_ I mean … we have not-"

"And whose it is, then?"

"It's-" Mary hoped with all her heart that her expression wouldn't betray her. "It's _mine_!" She quickly got hold of the blue tie and threw it in one of the drawers of her dresser.

"You were ties now?" Anna didn't sound convinced at all.

"I- I thought I needed it for an event in Christ Church, but it turns out I was wrong!"

"Still doesn't explain what it was doing on the floor", Anna kept torturing her ,"You have a very funny sense of order, sweetie..."

Mary sighed in relief, "You know me... A mess inside, a mess on the outside!"

"Well", Anna cried standing up, "I gotta collect my things and go now, if I don't want to be late."

Mary nodded and watched her friend stepping out of her bedroom. Once she was out, Mary grabbed her mobile and started to compose a text message.

_Remember that tie you thought you lost? _She hit send and headed to the kitchen. The phone buzzed again shortly after.

_Yep, what about it?_

Mary smiled to herself and texted: _Found it._

She put the kettle on and noticed Sybil tapping on her laptop fiercely while seated on the sofa.

"Why are you so mad at the keyboard, darling?"

"I just got an email from Papa. Did you get one too?"

"I haven't checked, what's it about?"

"It says: _You are to come home at once. I won't accept any more disobedience, young lady!_" Mary laughed a little at her sister doing their father's voice. In the meantime Anna was back in the living room. "I don't get it, Mary! It doesn't make any sense to go back at Downton when the trial is so close!"

"Let me check my email", Mary said, going through her iphone.

"Your phone has sure been buzzing a lot lately", Anna commented.

Mary blushed again, but managed to justify. "It's all of the relatives who are hearing about the trial", she explained without taking her eyes off her phone. "Here. An email from Papa, it's from this morning. _I don't need to tell you how disappointed I am in you too, Mary. We'll talk properly after the trial._" Mary raised her eyes from the mobile, puzzled. "What's this about, now?"

Sybil sighed. "Don't worry, Mary! They manage to find something new each month to be disappointed about. I'm sure they'll get over it soon!"

As Anna announced her departure, Mary got the tea ready and while near the door Anna greeted Tom who had just come back from a few errands he had run. Anna waved at all three of them and Tom stepped inside closing the door behind his back.

"Here" he said. Placing the grocery bags on the counter, Tom left the groceries and took the newspapers and magazines out. "Mary, I know I owe you for letting me crash here, but did you really have to make me buy such crappy tabloids?! I have dignity!"

"They're Richard's" Mary explained as Tom took a look of the headlines. "There should be one of my articles inside as well..." she said emptying the bags.

"_OH. MY. GOD._" Tom cried, alarming both Sybil and Mary.

"What is it?" Sybil promptly asked. Tom was unable to speak a single word, so he pointed at one of Richard's tabloids instead. Mary approached him behind the counter and read in disbelief the first page of _her boyfriend's _magazine:

_Lady Sybil Crawley, the youngest daughter of the eight Earl of Grantham, joins the London Riots. Wasn't a sex scandal already enough for the respected aristocratic family from Yorkshire?_

Mary's jaw dropped as the three read the article which featured also pictures of Sybil and Tom during the riots, speculating on Tom's identity and his relationship with a teenager. As anger began to fuel her veins, Mary realized that her father's _e_mail made perfect sense.

* * *

"What is the meaning of this?!" Mary yelled, slamming the door of Richard's office.

"_Mary, _good morning! I have missed you too!" He grinned still without looking at her.

"I asked you, _what is the meaning of this!_" her eyes were furious as she placed the tabloid on his desk.

"_Oh, _I see you've been reading my publications lately!" His tone was mocking and full of himself.

"Richard, we had an understanding! I came to you and told you my secret! I didn't do that so you could print my family's business on the front page!" Mary knew that Richard would've had no idea what Sybil looked like if they hadn't started seeing each other.

Richard finally turned to Mary; he grinned and grabbed her wrist "But darling, I haven't broken any part of our arrangement...Tell me, do you see anything about Mary Crawley?"

Mary let go of Richard's hand quickly. "So you are entitled to write about my sister? And what about the ridiculous comment: _wasn't the sex scandal enough_? Honestly! Even for the _poor _example of journalism you run, _this _is _low_." Her despising gaze was fiercely locked on him.

"Interesting", he said almost laughing. "You finally show some sincerity towards me..."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you haven't been completely honest with me as you had claimed!"

"_What_? I have told you _everything _about me! My deepest secret! But now I'm starting to regr-"

"Oh please, quite the saint act! I'm talking about _your father's lawyer._"

Mary froze. It took all of her determination to keep her spirit up and face him. "What- _about him_?"

"When you first introduced him to me, I obviously made sure he was actually your father's lawyer, and when you told me about your identity I found out he's your attorney for the case against the Turkish embassy.. "What I had no idea about", Richard's finger ran along her arm, "was that he's been performing _other services_ for _you_."

"I don't know what you're t-"

"_Please!_" Richard grabbed her face with one hand, his fingers squeezing from cheek to cheek. "It is written all over your _pretty porcelain face _how you have _screwed _him!" He squeezed very hard and then let go.

Mary brought her hand to massage her cheek, still red from the pain. "You don't know what you're talking about..."

"Oh I don't? Then how come my men saw him leaving your apartment late at night last week?"

Mary hesitated. She felt completely trapped in his office. "You had me followed?", she asked in disbelief.

"I was merely making sure that my property stays, indeed, _mine_."

"Oh and did your _men_ tell you that I had a panic attack and collapsed in the middle of the road? Because I was scared for my sister's life? Did they tell you that Matthew helped me out when no one, _them included_, would help me?"

"_Oh the noble Matthew_! I wonder what filthy little secret I can find out about him!"

"_No!_" Mary yelled, getting far away from Richard. "You leave him out of this! And you can forget about me too, for that matter!" She took her purse and headed to the door.

"But _Mary_ … We have a deal, _I own you_. Or would you like me to run a follow-up on the Pamuk scandal, telling the country that the _sweet innocent _Lady Mary Crawley has been living in Oxford as Mary Levinson, introducing her _teenage sister_ to her revolutionary friends while having an affair with an assistant professor who has recently fathered the child of another woman... Would you really like me to print _that_?" Mary couldn't even bear to look at him anymore. She didn't answer his challenge; instead she opened the door to leave. "You are _mine, _Lady Mary Crawley. Don't ever forget that!", he said as she left the room, slamming the door with the same force that she had used to open in.

* * *

"Oh Mary, _darling_!" Sybil cried, immensely worried. Mary had summoned all of her friends to John's coffee shop right after her debacle with Richard. For the first time she told them all about the threats and _conditions_ Richard had imposed on her right after the situation with Vera.

"You should have told us", John said seriously. "Getting rid of Vera has been a blessing, but _this … _This price is _too high to pay_."

"It's not your fault John, you couldn't known", Mary reassured him.

Anna took her friend's hand, worried. "What are you going to do now?"

"I don't know …" Mary sighed, tired.

"I hate these crappy tabloids...", Tom stated (he was new to their strategy meetings, so he didn't really know if it was his place to speak). "I think it should be _unconstitutional_ to print such stories, not to mention-"

"Honestly Tom", Mary interrupted him. "I don't mean to be rude, but I don't give a shit about your political beliefs right now..." She was very pissed; "_no offence_", she raised her hands in a sign of peace.

"You're right, I'm sorry", he mumbled and shot an apologetic look at Sybil.

"The thing is...", Mary continued, "Despite his … _rudeness,_ I really thought he cared for me. I thought that was just his way of defending himself, by being so controlling..."

"I didn't want to tell you, sweetie but..." Anna whispered, drawing everyone's attention to her, "... the day Vera signed the contract and the divorce papers, and we were all in sir Richard's office..."

"_What_?" Mary urged, wondering what her friend might have caught on to.

"I read the names of all the newspapers and tabloids he had laid down for Vera. All the ones he owned", she paused once more almost unable to break the news. She had kept this all to herself. "Mary, Richard was the one who first published about you and Mr. Pamuk. His paper was the one that made the story public."

Mary couldn't believe her friend's words. She had never paid too much attention to all the titles that Richard owned. _Who _had _not _been honest now? Mary should've known better than to trust him from the start. "I can't believe this..." was the only coherent thing she was able to say.

"So Sir Richard owns The Spectacle?", Sybil asked pensive. Anna quickly nodded. "He's also the one who first published the story about Minister Swire's gambling addiction and the missing money", Sybil informed.

Mary laughed bitterly. "You'd be surprised how Richard has _ears _and _eyes_ everywhere!" She had chosen not to tell them about Matthew. She really couldn't stand the judgment right now and she had figured it was the best way to protect him.

John refilled everyone's mug with some hot tea and checked beyond the counter if any customers needed him. Tom was holding and caressing Sybil with one hand, but his mind seemed to be elsewhere. "Even so!", he cried causing for everyone to turn. "You can't let this m- this _pig_ win. You can't give him the satisfaction of running the story about you, not when the trial is in less than a week!" Mary took long glance at him. "Oh, you're right Mary, I'm sorry- It's none of my business!"

"No, no!" Mary cried, her pupils dilating. "You are a genius!"

* * *

Mary found herself at the front door of the building where Matthew's flat was. She had in the end answered one of her father's many calls and managed to convince him that it was absurd that Sybil should go back to Downton Abbey that day. Not with all of those reporters at their door and the trial coming up in a few days.She also referred to something about the trial having gone wrong, but that she would tell him all about it in person. Mary breathed heavily as she stepped into the building and chose the stairs instead of the lift to calm her nerves. She finally arrived at Matthew's door, but before she could ring the door bell the door swung open. A woman, probably in her late fifties, was coming out of the flat and gasped at the surprise of finding someone there.

"I—I'm sorry", she said awkwardly "Who are you?"

Mary didn't think in that moment and answered, "No, _I _am sorry. I must be in the wrong place!"

"Wait!", the woman stopped her from going away. "Are you looking for either Matthew or Lavinia?"

Mary turned immediately and realized this must be Matthew's mother, Isobel. She smiled politely and thought sadly at how the woman had no idea of who Mary was.

"I—I'm Mary Crawley, Matthew is my lawyer...", she managed to say.

"Oh, _of course_", the woman said and stepped out of the flat. "I don't know if you knew, but we have an addition to this small flat", she smiled broadly "If I didn't know how much this case means to my son, I wouldn't let you in..."

"I know about the happy news, Mrs Crawley", she tried to say hoping not to appear intimidated. "I wouldn't have come here if it wasn't very important..."

"Oh no, no, please don't take that as an offence! I'm only mad at my son for working too much! You can let yourself in, I'm headed out."

Mary nodded. "Have a nice day".

"You too", Isobel whispered before stepping into the lift.

Mary watched the woman disappearing into the metal box and turned to the open door. She took a deep breath and stepped into the flat. Once she was inside the dark hall, she closed the door behind her. There was a light coming from the living room; Mary followed it through the corridor to find the cream-coloured crib by the large window and Matthew next to it, looking mesmerized. She tried to be as soft as she could when she walked in, but Matthew heard her steps and turned his head.

"Mary?", he was surprised, a little bit nervous but also very very glad to see her.

"I'm so sorry to come here unannounced... I-"

"Nonsense", he smiled lovingly. "I'm glad you're here. C'mon... let me introduce you to someone." He extended his hand in her direction to urge her to approach the crib.

Mary walked slowly and when she reached the crib she glanced first at Matthew's overjoyed expression, then at the little girl resting in the crib. Mary dangled her finger above her and the little girl grabbed it. "Hi", she whispered softly.

Matthew laughed lightly. "Mary, this is Millicent." Mary glanced once in his direction and Matthew explained, "It was Lavinia's mother's name."

Mary smile and nodded, "Millie Crawley … I like it." Matthew couldn't help wanting to touch Mary's skin, so he gently placed his hand on the same hand who's finger Millie had grabbed. Mary felt the heat spreading from the spot Matthew was touching. She let out a deep sigh and tried to come up with something to say; otherwise she would've just grabbed him and kissed him. "Um... She sure looks good for a premature child," she commented.

"She is... she is. She is very strong." He smiled and glanced at his little girl again.

"I thought she would have blue eyes." Mary said, glancing at Millie's soft strawberry blonde hair.

"She might", Matthew said and then noticed Mary's puzzled expression. He chuckled and explained, "The eye colour changes through the months, it won't be final until the twelfth month at least."

"Oh", Mary gasped. "Then I'm hoping she gets your eyes." She glanced at his hand on hers but then quickly turned to look him in the eyes. The look he gave her was so penetrating she couldn't sustain it without blushing violently. She smiled and then looked away, realizing someone was at the door.

"Lavinia", she cried and Matthew let go of her hand instantly. "Hi."

"Hello Mary", she greeted her, looking pale and tired.

"Congratulations on the baby", Mary smiled politely. "She is a true gem."

"Thank you Mary, that's very kind of you", Lavinia managed to say, looking sick and fragile, holding her blanket tightly.

"Dear", Matthew intervened, "Mary is here to talk about the case. Would you mind leaving us alone for a bit?"

"It's fine", Mary interrupted him. "Lavinia can stay. She knows everything about my identity anyway."

Matthew looked puzzled. He had used the case as an excuse, he didn't actually think Mary was there for that reason. "If this is about the Witness List, Mary I can assure you that you are still off of it, and I will do my best to keep it that way—"

"Actually", Mary interrupted him once more, "I'm here to tell you that I've changed my mind, _I want to testify"_.

Matthew looked rather puzzled and Mary decided to tell him about Sir Richard. She didn't tell him _all of the details, _of course (she surely didn't say anything in front of Lavinia about Richard finding out about their night together), but ultimately she told Matthew that she couldn't let that man use the information as power over her. If the secret had to come out, at least it would be of her own making.

It took all of the strength Matthew had to keep his cool in that moment. He agreed that Mary's decision was the right one and the bravest. "You need to stall him, but even if you can't... He's smart, he won't publish right away. With all of the eyes and ears pointed towards the riots, Richard knows that even a story such as yours would be worthless." He pondered a bit. "Mmm... let's lay out a plan... You stay here and wait until I can collect the papers from the firm. As soon as I get back we'll start working on a strategy, okay?" Mary nodded, and after having grabbed his briefcase, Matthew was gone. Lavinia stood there, curled up, on the verge of crying. When she approached the crib and looked down at her daughter, the tears started to fall relentlessly.

"Lavinia", Mary mumbled in disbelief and helped her sit down in a chair nearby. "What's wrong? Are you alright?"

"I feel like such a nuisance", she sighed between her sobs. "Dead weight."

"Why would you say something like that?" Mary asked, taking a seat beside her. She patted her back gently trying to comfort her.

"I know he is in love with you."

Mary froze, her tongue became dry and her hand patting Lavinia's back was now doing the gesture mechanically. She had to figure out something to say. "But—How...?" _How? Really Mary? Really?!_

"I guess I always knew there was someone else here in Oxford. Then we went to your house in Yorkshire and I saw the way he looked at you. I've tried to tell myself it wasn't true since then. I have to say he hid it pretty well... but— it was the little things. The way his head would turn whenever your name was spoken, the way his breathing changed... The ...cologne he used to wear whenever he had to meet you for coffee, the way his smile shone when he came back from your meetings. He didn't think I would notice but..." Another trail of sobs came to her making Mary feeling terribly guilty and embarrassed.

"Lavinia I'm so sorry—I"

"Don't be!", she cried lifting her gaze full of tears. "It's my fault! I caused all of this... _unhappiness!_ And if only I had been honest, I could have warned you about Sir Richard!"

"I—I found out about the papers. He's the one who published your uncle's scandal." Mary said carefully, and for a moment it seemed Lavinia wanted to add something, but she just nodded. "I found out today that he's responsible for publishing my scandal as well. But please, don't feel guilty. I want to be honest with you... I noticed you weren't so pleased to see Sir Richard that day, even if you would have warned me... I probably wouldn't have listened!" Mary remembered that day, she remembered the odd look in Lavinia's eyes, but she also remembered her firm decision not to take that as a warning. Now the poor girl was weeping, feeling guilty for something she didn't even do. Mary wished there was something she could say to make her feel better, but she wasn't going to apologize to her either. What was she supposed to say? _I'm sorry I fell in love with the man you had planned to marry and have a life with? I'm sorry that he fell in love with me too?_ Those would've been very stupid apologies. She knew more than anything now that _love _wasn't something you could apologize about. It wasn't something you could simply switch off. She realized how right her Granny had been those many months ago; she should have had told Matthew. She knew now it was absolutely hopeless to deny it, even back then. Luckily the awful silence was soon broken by the baby crying, which brought Mary and Lavinia back to reality. For a few seconds, Lavinia still seemed in a trance.

"Millie's crying", Mary warned her, not realising that she'd already nicknamed Lavinia's daughter.

"She's probably just hungry", the redhead said, standing to pick the little girl up from the crib. "Mary, would you mind taking two packets of freeze-dried milk? They should be on the dresser in the bedroom, with all of the other hospital stuff."

"Sure." Mary nodded and while Lavinia put the kettle on, Mary went into the bedroom—Matthew's bedroom. It was weird to think that this is where he slept since everything in the messy room seemed to belong to Lavinia. She made her way in and identified almost instantly the infamous dresser. There were alot of packages on it, so Mary started to read all of the titles on the boxes. When she finally found the freeze-dried milk, though, something else caught her eye. It was the papers from the hospital, laying there with Millie's tiny bracelet. They said: _Millicent Isobel Crawley_, _mother: Lavinia Catherine Swire_, _father: Matthew Reginald Crawley_. When her eyes landed on Matthew's name, Mary couldn't help feeling her stomach flutter; she even hated herself a little for that. But it was another detail stated in those hospital papers, just under the box of the physical features that completely caught Mary's attention and made her jaw drop. It said that the baby had been born after nine regular months. Mary's suspicious nature let her to do a little calculation in her head. It wasn't as she thought, it couldn't be … She started counting down … _August to July, July to June, June to May, May to April … W_hen her fingers counted nine, she realized the month she had spoken in her head was _November. _If the baby was a full nine months, she must have been conceived in November. But that couldn't be right; Matthew was in Oxford in November and Lavinia was in London. She counted down again, but the result was always the same.

Mary walked slowly to the kitchen where Lavinia was getting the baby bottle ready. She was rocking Millie and humming a song. She seemed so serene, so tranquil... Mary stepped into the room, making noise intentionally. Lavinia noticed her presence and smiled, but when she glanced at her she noticed something seemed wrong. "Mary, is everything alright?"

Mary stood there incapable of speaking for a few seconds. Her hand was holding firmly the milk box, trying so hard not to crush it. "Lavinia?", she whispered and Lavinia nodded. "Is—is Millie … Matthew's?" Lavinia froze. The kettle started to whistle but neither of them moved to turn the power off. Mary challenged Lavinia with her eyes and inevitably the redhead's were filled with tears once again. It was in a stupor that Mary spoke the words which followed a grave realization; "Lavinia, is Richard Millie's father?" As Mary finished speaking, Lavinia's eyes were completely filled by tears, and a long shocked sigh escaped Mary's mouth as Lavinia nodded.


	14. Publicists and Revelations

_A/N: Hello I'm finally back from my vaction! Thank you for all of your interesting insights! The way I see it … It's not that Matthew isn't particularly bright for not having noticed the baby is too big. To me Matthew hasn't been paying attention at all to Lavinia's pregnancy; he did the right thing, but chose to separate himself completely from it at least on an emotional level. But the baby is here now and Matthew is a good man so he is thrilled, plus he could have never believed Lavinia would be capable of such a lie. I realize that maybe my Lavinia might be slightly OOC, but my sister made me notice that she is indeed a weak person, so given her circumstances in my story, she might have done it. As for Isobel, she probably did notice the baby is nine months, but for all she knows Matthew and Lavinia have been together all this time, so they might have seen each other! Well I leave you know to the developments and the reason Lavinia made all of this mess! _

_Kudos to my lovely beta __**jmu**__!_

**Chapter Fourteen: Publicists and Revelations.**

Mary removed the kettle from the cooker, the whistling was driving her mad. In complete silence, the two women worked together to get the milk ready for Millie, and when the bottle seemed to have the right temperature, they both sat down.

"It was two months after he'd moved away," Lavinia began while Millie was sucking her milk peacefully. "He had been calling less and less, and even when he did … I knew there was someone else on his mind, even he couldn't hide that. I was _heartbroken_. The master's degree itself was not proving to be as motivating as I had expected, and living with my father and uncle was harder than I thought. You see... my dad has a severe heart condition, and the real reason he moved his firm to London was because there's a very good specialist there. My dad was very sick, my uncle would come home drunk almost every night and I was … _alone_. I wanted to talk to Matthew about it, but he felt so _distant_, and I didn't want to appear needy. One night my uncle came back home and told us he had lost a great deal of money in gambling, but it wasn't his money, it was the government's money. Somehow he managed to have me convince my sick father to give him the money he needed; I felt so terribly guilty because of that so I called Matthew. But he... he was at a party. I thought it was funny since he and I hadn't been at a party in years. The next day there was this grand reception at my uncle's. There were many important people there and I had to play nice and smile to everyone. I couldn't bare it," she paused for a moment to allow Millie to breathe a little and avoid choking, "Richard was there, he was one of the few people under the age of fifty. He offered me a glass of wine and the more I drank the more I talked. I - I ended up in bed with him. I told him about Matthew, my father and my uncle. A few days later the scandal was published by one of his newspapers. He had used me." Mary couldn't help feeling a little sorry for Lavinia, but the next part of her story didn't really make it much easier. "A month later I found out I was pregnant. I didn't know what to do! He was a dangerous man! He had destroyed my uncle's life; I was afraid of what he might have done to me once he found out! So I came back to Manchester to clear my head and maybe even ponder about abortion … I wanted to ask Isobel, but when I went to her house Matthew was there. He was so sad and heartbroken … I - I know it was something terrible to do, but — he was there and … everything just seemed to fall into place. He told me there wasn't any other woman in his life and … I had thought we were supposed to live our lives together anyway, so I - I took advantage of him, I _seduced _him when he was so despairing …"

Mary breathed heavily to repress the urge to just slap Lavinia for having done that to Matthew. In that moment she didn't even care about all the pain the situation had caused to her as well. All she could think of was Matthew feeling _weak, vulnerable _and _desperate for affection_. And that woman, a woman who claimed she loved him, had taken advantage of his fragile state. Lavinia had _abused _him and then she put such a responsibility on his shoulders, making Matthew feel guilty about his true feelings.

"You were with Richard, weren't you?" Mary whispered, "The night Millie was born."

"Yes," Lavinia admitted without facing her in the eye. "But how...?"

"_I _was with Matthew that night." There was no shame, no guilt in Mary's admission.

Despite how extremely difficult it was, Lavinia managed to go on. "I went to see him. The guilt was driving my mad. So I went to his place here in Oxford and told him about the baby. He was so angry, Mary … He looked crazy." In the moment Mary could feel Lavinia's fear as her own. "I was … so lucky that my water broke. If it wasn't for the baby —if it wasn't for Millie … I think he might have hurt me." Mary looked at the peaceful little girl and at her mother, scared to death. "Instead he drove me to the hospital and just left me there, alone."

Mary had to stand up and pace the room back and forth. There wasn't an easy way to take this news. Lavinia had been wrong, so terribly wrong, but it wasn't right to just feed her to the wolves. All the pain she had caused was not enough to leave her, helpless, at the mercy of Richard Carlisle. Mary knew what that man was capable of and surely Lavinia wasn't deserving of his cruelty. But even if she was, the beautiful little girl she was holding in her arms surely wasn't.

"I imagine you will tell Matthew now," Lavinia whispered rather hesitantly.

"No," Mary stopped suddenly, "It's not my secret to tell." She turned to Lavinia, "But you will have to."

"I - I couldn't! If I do, he won't look at me anymore!"

"But you _have to_. He deserves this much," Mary got closer to Lavinia and held her hand, "I understand you fears, believe me. But this — this can't go on." Lavinia slowly and sadly nodded.

The noise coming from the front door broke the palpable tension in the room, and Mary let go of Lavinia's hand. The redhead stood up quickly and adjusted Millie in her grip. When they both got into the living room the little girl was soundly asleep.

"Here I am!" Matthew began, once in the room with them. His breathing was heavy and probably due to the fact that he had chosen to run up the stairs instead of taking the lift. Lavinia didn't have the courage to look at him and turned her back, laying her daughter carefully in the crib. Matthew gave a hesitant smile to Mary and said, "We can get started in the kitchen. I called a publicist to help us through the pros and cons. We'll meet her first thing tomorrow."

"Actually Matthew... I - I can't stay," Mary mumbled and reached for her purse. The air inside the room had simply become unbreathable for her.

"Are you alright?" he asked, concerned.

"I'm fine but — you really need to talk to Lavinia." Her last sentence was almost a whisper, which ended with an encouraging look in the other woman's direction.

"What? What is th— Mary!," he began, but Mary was already down the hall. He shot a look half puzzled half apologetic to Lavinia and ran down the hall to catch Mary. She was just about at the door, but Matthew managed to grab her hand and caress it gently. "What's going on? Please tell me..."

"I can't, I'm sorry," Mary turned to get a look at his beautiful puzzled blue eyes and felt her own tearing up. She lifted her right hand and placed it on his cheek ."Just talk to her," she whispered and without a care for Lavinia, she placed a soft but meaningful kiss on his lips. When Matthew opened his eyes again, she was gone.

* * *

Mary stepped back into her apartment, still overwhelmed by the confrontation with Lavinia. She didn't even greet the two couples hanging out in the living room, and realized she was breathing heavily. The room was much too crowded to let her breathe properly and collect her thoughts. She threw her keys on the counter, and after abandoning her purse on the armchair, she went straight in her bedroom's direction. Anna and Sybil instantly shared a worried look and left their significant others to follow Mary.

"Sweetie, is everything alright?" Anna sang as both she and Sybil stepped into Mary's room. Mary was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed, staring at an unspecified spot on the floor.

"He's not the father," she whispered.

Anna and Sybil jumped on the bed as well and tried to make sense of her mumbling. "What are you talking about? I thought you went to tell Matthew you want to testify," Sybil intervened, "Is there something wrong?"

Mary took a deep breath and tried to tidy up her thoughts. "I did. I was there," she paused, "But I accidentally found out something else."

"What is it?" Anna urged.

"Matthew is not the father of Lavinia's baby," she managed to say, fully pondering every word.

"Oh my-"

Before Sybil could finish Mary blurted out the rest. How Richard was indeed Millie's father, and how he had tricked Lavinia, as well, into revealing her uncle's secrets. Anna and Sybil listened carefully and were just as shocked as she was by the revelation. But they didn't know there was more. They didn't know how this new piece of information changed everything for Mary. Maybe it was time to let them know.

"I haven't been completely honest with the both of you lately," she began, changing the tone of her voice. Anna and Sybil's alarmed look was telling her to go on. "The truth is … I am in love with Matthew." Both girls looked relieved and instantly shared a complicit look.

"We knew that already, sweetie," Anna smiled broadly.

"It wasn't exactly a secret," Sybil chuckled.

"No," Mary cut them off, "You don't understand … I mean, _we _are in love with each other. The both of us." Anna and Sybil still didn't seem surprised. Mary sighed and kept going "We _have been seeing each other_, we … _have been together_ … _here,_" she pointed her finger to the bed that they were sitting on.

"Ah ha!" Anna joked, "So, he's the mysterious owner of the blue tie!" Mary blushed violently and nodded.

"But … Mary, darling, why haven't you told us?" Sybil asked, a little bit hurt. "You know we have been Matthew's greatest supporters!"

"I wanted to tell you!" Mary cried. "But I was afraid you'd think less of me. Sleeping with someone who's having a baby with someone else isn't exactly a noble thing to do."

"But your situation was different. Anyone with eyes could see how much you and Matthew love each other! No one ever doubted that Lavinia's baby was an accident!" Anna said.

"But this solves everything, doesn't it?," Sybil promptly asked. "You can finally be together properly!"

"Yet something is still bothering you, isn't it?" Anna continued. "What is it?"

Mary almost teared up thinking of Matthew's puzzled expression. It was painful to think of the beauty of those eyes filled with worry and uncertainty. "I left him," Mary mumbled, "I left him there, unaware of the hurtful news. I knew he was going to be crushed by this, but I left him there alone with Lavinia anyway. I feel so awful, I can't bring myself to think of what this will do to him...," she paused, determined to not let the tears out, "But I just couldn't stay … I felt like I couldn't breathe..."

"Calm down, sweetie," Anna cried, gently stroking her back, "You did the right thing. It was not your secret to tell, it was Lavinia's. It's already bad that she let you find out _before_ Matthew. He is going to need space now. If you had been there it would've been much worse."

"It's just — you haven't seen him with the baby... He looked so — happy. I just need to know that he will be okay after this."

"He will be crushed by it, that much is true... But with a little time, he _will _be okay," Anna reassured.

"And you are going to be there for him to make things right." Sybil smiled, taking her sister's hand.

While Mary still looked longingly at her phone, Anna decided to change the subject. "Mary, there is something we need to tell you. Your father called. He has changed his mind about Sybil staying here."

"What?"

Sybil decided to respond, quite pissed. "Yep. They've all decided to come down in London earlier, so they want me with them."

"Shall I go too?"

"No, of course not. They want you away from the paparazzi as long as possible before the trial."

"John and I will drive Sybil to London," Anna explained. "Your father requested it kindly and we agreed. Since it's just a few days away, we'll drop off Sybil and stay at John's mother's apartment until the trial. I hope it's okay."

Mary took a minute to register all the new information. "I guess," she mumbled.

"Papa said he's going to send a car for you. He doesn't want you to drive on your own or take the train."

"That's kind, but _superfluous._ What about Tom? Is he staying here?"

"He booked a last-minute flight for tomorrow. We figured it was best to not push any more buttons."

Mary let out a big sigh, "Boy … What a day, uh?" The three girls gave each other an understanding look. They held each others' hands, almost forming a circle. Words in that moment were completely redundant.

* * *

The next day Mary had to say goodbye to her friends and her sister very early in the morning. She helped them load the car with all of Sybil's stuff and a few small luggages belonging to Anna, John and Tom. She waved at them as John's car left the garage and returned straight to her apartment. She put the teapot on and let her gaze wander through the room, until her eyes fixed on her mobile phone on the counter. She needed to read that text message again.

The previous night she never took her eyes off her phone. She hadn't dared to call Matthew, but she had sent him multiple text messages. She knew his silence was well justified, but she couldn't help feeling incredibly worried about him. Late at night her phone finally rang and Mary almost jumped to get it. It was only a text message. Matthew wasn't addressing the issue at all; instead, he was telling her to meet him, and the publicist he had called, for lunch the next day. Mary agreed to this of course, but she wished she could also grasp something of his mood through his words. She cursed such a detached means of communication, and she kept cursing it until morning came. Now it was only a few hours away and Mary could only wish that Matthew was okay, and that his detachment was due just to the great confusion and the huge amount of work to be done for the trial.

Just a few hours later, Mary looked at Matthew's message again to check the address of the place they were meeting at. It was a pub near Christ College. She picked up her purse and keys and checked Google Maps one last time. Once at the door she gave a quick look around the apartment and locked the door. The pub wasn't too hard to find. She walked in and was instantly approached by the matron. Mary gave Matthew's last name and the matron walked her to a table in the upstairs room. Mary immediately noticed Matthew sitting at the table by a dusty old window. The thin light coming from outside was making his golden locks shine. Mary dismissed the matron and reached the table. As she got closer and closer she could see his melancholic look directed outside, and she felt like her earth was going to explode. She hated to see Matthew like this.

"Hi," she whispered, causing him to turn his head.

He smiled sadly, "Hello Mary," he greeted her, but quickly looked away. He simply couldn't sustain her gaze in that moment.

"How are you?" she asked almost innocently, and automatically reached for his hand across the table.

"Mary please...," he begged with his voice trembling, looking away and withdrawing his hand. Luckily before he could make up any painful excuses, his eyes wandered to the head of the stairs and noticed the person who they were waiting for had just arrived. Matthew stood up and waved. Mary turned her head to see a tall blonde woman coming towards them. She smiled broadly and went to hug Matthew after she had dropped all of her stuff on a chair. "Val, it's so good to see you!," he said as cheerful as he could manage. As the two of them kept going with their small talk, Mary sat there in silence studying their every move. She didn't know this woman, and she was pretty sure that she had read somewhere that you can tell a lot about someone by their body language.

"Mary, this is Valery Madison," Matthew finally included her in the conversation, "and Val … This is Mary Crawley".

"The one and only, I suppose," Valery said in her thick American accent while extending her hand in Mary's direction. Mary hesitantly shook it, but she still didn't feel as appreciative of the woman as Matthew did.

"Oh... Forgive me," Matthew sighed as he noticed his phone was buzzing, "It's about the case, I have to take it," he said, standing up to leave the table. Both women nodded.

"So … You are very lucky to have Matthew as a lawyer," Valery said, once the silence had become too heavy. "If he's half as good as I remember him to be, you're set."

"And how would you remember it?" Mary snorted and regretted her words almost immediately.

Valery chuckled, she had understood Mary's question perfectly. "Matthew and I went to Cambridge together," she explained and her look didn't cease to be amused. "He called me a while back to ask for advice about your case. He told me everything about you."

"Well," Mary replied annoyed, "I guess I should be glad you two are so close. It means you'll do a good job, doesn't it?"

Valery laughed again. "Mary, maybe you didn't hear what I said. He told me _everything _about you." Mary suddenly dropped her snobbish act and blushed a little. "Plus," Valery continued, "He's not exactly my type," she teased, but Mary still wasn't following. "I'm gay," Valery explained and Mary felt incredibly stupid.

"Oh gosh, I'm so sorry! I must've sounded like such a bitch to you."

"No, no, no, please don't be sorry. That just means you care about him, and I'm glad for that."

Valery smiled and Mary sadly realized she obviously didn't know the whole story. She cared so deeply for Matthew and she hoped he would realize it too. She hoped so much that he would forgive her for leaving him alone at such a delicate time.

"I see you're getting along," he said smiling, as he returned to his seat."I called Valery because she's simply the best in this kind of situation. She's a tremendous publicist and works for many famous people as well as publishers. She's going to give us some advice on what route to take for your testimony."

Mary followed Matthew's speech and nodded, "I brought these," she said, recovering her bag. "You can say they are my _journals_. I started to write down everything that happened to me since the incident happened with Pamuk. It was a way to let my steam off, but I figured they could be useful in a way."

"It was a good idea," Valery intervened, "There could be something we've missed. But are you sure we can actually read them? They seem awfully personal."

"You know _everything_, don't you?" Mary teased, and quickly glanced at Matthew.

As the waitress came and they ordered their lunch, they talked business all throughout the meal and never touched again on the matter of the personal involvement. Valery seemed to have a strategy ready and Mary could now fully understand why Matthew claimed she was the best in her field. A couple of hours later Valery had to excuse herself, she had another meeting in London for the afternoon and she had to run. She gave Mary all of her contact information (e-mail, mobile, etc...) to keep in touch until the day of the trial. As Valery hugged Matthew goodbye and shook Mary's hand again, she left with Mary's journals in hand. When Valery was out of sight, Matthew asked for the bill and reached for his wallet in the back pocket of his trousers. Mary was glad that the visit of his old friend had cheered him up a bit and thought that maybe he was now willing to talk a little bit.

"What are you doing now?" she hesitantly asked.

"Mary, please, you don't have to do this," he replied, recovering his old mood.

"But I want to! I _need _to! I need to know that you're okay!"

"I'm far from okay and you know why!"

"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to run away … To leave you alone! I just th—"

"No, no," he interrupted her and finally looked her in the eye. "Please don't think, even for a second, that this is about you. It's not, I promise! I just really need to be alone right now."

"But I want to be there for you. I can't stand to see you like this! If you would only let me—"

"Darling please … Please, just leave it."

Once Matthew paid the bill they silently went down the stairs and stepped out of the pub. There at the entrance of the pub they parted almost as two strangers, and Mary watched as he turned his back and approached his bicycle. As a mild summer breeze filled the air, Mary held onto her jacket tightly and checked the time on her pocket watch. She knew where she needed to be.

Christ Church looked strangely empty as Mary approached the ticket office. Apparently since school season was over, she needed to purchase a ticket if she wanted to go into the dining hall. She didn't care how much she'd have to pay; her empty apartment wasn't appealing at all so she needed to be in a place in which she felt completely safe. The hall was empty and beautifully silent. The light coming through the coloured windows was making the very same play of light as it had on that morning so many months ago. As Mary looked at the windows in silence, she realized that that day was probably the very first time she had looked at Matthew in a whole different way. It was probably the first time she had ever admitted to herself she really did find him attractive, or at least _tolerable,_ as she would've probably said. It wasn't long until her daydreaming was shattered by the sound of steps behind her. She turned instinctively and saw two men she didn't know stepping inside the hall. Before she could turn her head again, one of them spoke.

"Are you Miss Mary Levinson?" he asked politely.

"Yes," she answered puzzled, "Is there a problem?"

"No problem, Miss. But you need to come with us for a moment."

"Alright," she replied, still a bit confused, but she followed them anyway. They led her into a corridor inside the university and stopped in front of the door of a room Mary had never been in. Without saying a word, they hinted that she should go in. She opened the door carefully and once she was in, before looking around her, she realized the men outside were closing the door behind her. Alarmed, she turned instantly.

"I should have known," she groaned as her eyes met her companion.

"Your words are perfectly right Mary," Richard said in an apparently calm tone, "You _should have known. _I warned you about running your errands with that little lawyer of yours..."

"And yet, I don't see a word printed about me anywhere," she challenged him. "Shall I consider this a gesture of love?" she teased bitterly.

"_Don't,_" Richard growled as he came closer to her, "_mock me._ You know better that to provoke me," he said, placing a hand on Mary's face.

Mary immediately pushed it away from her. "You don't scare me anymore. I know what kind of man you are! I know what you've done!"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means I know you are the father of Lavinia's baby!" Richard started to laugh hysterically and before Mary could realize it, he pushed her towards the desk. "What do you think you are doing?"

Richard ignored her question; instead he kept laughing and said, "So that slut blurted out the story to you, huh? It wasn't exactly smart, if she wanted to keep her man away from you!"

"Don't touch me!" Mary screamed as his hands found their way on her naked thighs under her dress.

"But you know what?" he whispered madly in her ear. "She liked _it. _Oh Boy, did she like it!" He said as he managed to block Mary on the desk "And now," he said reaching for his belt while his other hand was shutting her mouth, "you are going to see what I mean. And you are going to like it as well … Oh yes, because you are no better slut than her!" Richard placed a path of rough kisses on her neck and whispered, "_Lady Mary Crawley,_ at long last, I will finally get what I deserve!"

Mary tried to scream as much as she could and felt her eyes tearing up as she felt him removing her panties. She shut her eyes and thought of Matthew, hoping that it would be over soon. As Mary's underwear reached the floor, the door behind them swung open and Mary couldn't really see through her tears who was there.

"Well well," Richard chuckled, "Did you come to enjoy the show?"

"_You bastard_!" The man cried and Mary felt Richard's body lifting from her. She instinctively searched for her underwear and then finally saw the man who had come to her rescue. She could've recognized that blonde hair and those blue eyes anywhere. As Richard fell to the ground unconscious, Matthew immediately ran up to Mary and held her in a tight embrace. She let all of her tears fall and curled up against his chest. There was no other place she wished to be in that moment.

"We need to call the police and report this," Matthew informed her, trying to keep his cool.

Mary nodded, "How about the two men outside?"

"They ran away," he said, but paused for a moment. "Mary I'm so sorry … I didn't mean to push you away before I —"

"It's not your fault, you saved me!"

"I shouldn't have let you go off on your own. Not after what you had told me about Richard! I was about to go around the corner with my bike when I saw those two men following you. I hoped in that moment that I could make it in time."

"And you did," she said, still shaking in his arms.

When the police arrived, they questioned Mary and Matthew and handcuffed Richard who had just regained consciousness. A policeman then said that he needed at least one of them to come down to the station.

"You go home," Matthew said, "I will take care of it," he stroked her hair gently. "I'm calling you a cab."

"Are you sure?" Mary asked.

"Of course. You go home and recover. I'll call you, I promise".

* * *

Mary looked at the round clock on the wall. She was curled up on her sofa, but she couldn't bring herself to do anything. Watching TV, reading a book, surfing the net, everything seemed pointless at the moment. The house was awfully quiet and she had resigned herself to the fact that she probably wouldn't be able to sleep one wink that night. The worst part was that it was only 9 pm. It was going to be a loooong night. As her gaze wandered again to her phone, she jumped when something else rang. It was the doorbell. _It must be the Thai food, _she thought. But when she opened the door she found somebody else there.

"I am so, so, so sorry about today. I don't know what to do!" Matthew said as the tears started to line his face. Mary let him in and closed the door behind him.

"You don't need to apologize. I already told you," she said, moving those little strands of hair away from his eyes.

"But I do," he weeped. "And now … I don't even know how to walk through _that door _again. I don't know how to act — I … I don't even know what to tell my mother!"

"_Sssh,_" Mary ordered as she stared deeply in Matthew's eyes, "You don't have to figure out all of that tonight."

"Can I kiss you?" he whispered all of a sudden, "Because I need to … very much."

Mary smiled and locked her arms around his neck. They looked in each other's eyes as their faces came closer and, just a few seconds before his lips touched hers, their eyes closed. Mary could feel all of his love and desperation in that kiss and hoped she could somehow show him how much she loved him too. The kiss deepened and deepened until it left them panting.

"_Yuck!_" he cried. "I stink! It's like I've been in these clothes forever!"

"I don't mind," she reassured him.

"Oh darling, you are too kind. Do you think I can take a shower?"

"Of course," she quickly answered "I'll get you a towel."

As Matthew took a shower the food arrived and they had dinner together. Then they simply lay on the bed in each other's arms. Matthew fell asleep almost instantly, and Mary decided to stay awake a little bit longer to enjoy the moment. It didn't matter how many bad things happened to her, Mary now knew. For she knew that if she could still sleep in Matthew's arms, if she could watch him getting out of the shower and watch his blue eyes shimmer like the little drops of water still tangled in his hair and all over his chest, then maybe the future (however unpredictable) wouldn't be so bad after all.

_A/N: So! I want to thank properly everyone who's waited patiently, the ones who have just now boarded this ship and the lovely people who left reviews! It was nice to check my email and read all of your comments every time I used the free starbucks wifi :P _

_About the story, I originally meant the 14__th__ to be the last chapter before the epilogue, but then I realized there were too many things happening so I split it. The next chapter is finally the trial, and since it was split, it will probably be shorter than usual. I'm already halfway through it, so you can expect a quicker update this time!_

_I hope you've enjoyed this last chapter and I'm looking forward to hear your thoughts about it!_


	15. Trials and Tribulations

_A/N: Hello there! Did I say smaller chapter?! Well it actually turned out to be longer! Anyways, I promised a quicker update and here I am! I noticed a slight disinterest toward the story, so I'm glad I'll be able to give you some closure. I want to thank everyone who has stick with the story from the beginning or simply found it now and decided to write a review. I've enjoyed reading your comments throughout this journey, they make me really happy and make me think a lot too. And if this sounds like a farewell note it is because this is the last chapter. It's the last one, but not the last update, because you are going to get an epilogue pretty soon. _

_Cheers to my beta **jmu**!_

**Chapter Fifteen: Trials and Tribulations**

It was that fateful morning, and when the sun came creeping in between the velvet red curtains, Mary had already been awake for a couple of hours. She was lying on the comfortable queen-size bed in her bedroom at Grantham House. They didn't come to the House very often. Most of the time the whole family never went all together to London, and if either Mary or her mother and sisters came on their own, they would stay at Aunt Rosamund's and her father would stay at his Club. Opening up such an old city house every time they came down to London was indeed way more expensive than anyone would expect. But this was a different occasion, and since the whole family had come down from Yorkshire (Granny included), the House needed to be opened.

Mary decided to stand up and open the curtains to let light fill her big room. It had belonged to Aunt Rosamund when she had been the eldest daughter of the Earl of Grantham, but now it was hers. Being in that room was like travelling back in time. They never stayed long enough to actually feel like the room was inhabited, to actually recognize Mary's traces in it. If she looked at the room now she could still see the sixteen-year-old girl who would get ready for the London Season and hang boy band posters on the wall. There were also old pictures stuck on the mirror of the old wooden vanity. Mary looked at each of them and recognized her younger self with her sisters and pictures of balls and events with her old friends from her boarding school. It was so strange to think that was only 3-4 years before. All of those posh girls in sparkly dresses in those pictures used to be her friends, her best friends. Now they hadn't even called her or sent a message since the article had been published, and Mary realized she had never fully understood the real meaning of friendship before she had met Anna. She glanced at another picture in the lower part of the mirror and saw herself politely holding Evelyn's arm. She also had never fully understood the real meaning of love before she had met Matthew. Oxford had given her way more than she could ever ask for, even during a time when she thought she had lost everything. As Mary looked away from her memories, she walked to the window and glanced at the busy workers already running off to the nearest tube station. She realized she needed to fight as hard as she could for her future in Oxford, whatever the outcome of the Pamuk trial might be. She reviewed again the notes Valery had sent her the day before, while she was travelling to London, and took a deep breath. She had memorized every single word of Valery's notes and reading them again only made her more nervous. She tossed everything on the bed and headed to her private bathroom. She needed some air.

Once she had a bath, Mary got dressed quickly and headed downstairs. Her father was awake as well and was reading his morning paper while smoking a cigar. Mary knew that a cigar in the morning meant that he was really really worried. They hadn't really gotten a chance to talk about things since she arrived in London the night before, but Robert was sensible enough to not start the conversation that day. Instead he smiled lightly as he saw Mary coming down to the drawing room, and nodded as she hinted silently that she was going to go for a walk. Even if it was mildly early for the paparazzi, she decided to go out the back door just in case. Their old elegant house was set near Kensington Gardens, almost behind the Royal complex of Kensington Palace. Mary walked mindlessly in the streets behind the park until she found one of the entrances and purchased a large black coffee in one of the stands of the park. It was a very cloudy morning for August, but as her Aunt used to say: _There is nothing like an English summer_. She chuckled a bit to herself and sipped her coffee as she stared at all of the people playing with their dogs in the park. At some point she actually found herself in front of the main entrance of Kensington Palace, and remembered that once she had been brought there by Rosamund to be pushed in Prince Harry's face. As much as Edith would've loved to be in her place, Mary found Prince Harry to be too old and way too stupid for her. Luckily the distasteful feeling seemed to be mutual and Rosamund had had to accept defeat. As Mary kept walking she arrived to the round pond in the heart of the park and decided to sit on a bench, just watching an old lady on the other side of the pond busy feeding all of the different kinds of birds around. She didn't really know whether that picture was either poetic or really frightening.

"Fancy meeting you here," a deep and gentle voice startled her.

"Matthew?" She cried, turning her head. "What are you doing here?"

Matthew took a seat beside Mary on the bench. "I came by your house to check on you and your family before this afternoon," he explained. "Your father told me that everyone was still in their bedrooms."

Mary chuckled. "Oh, don't flatter yourself! He wasn't playing jealous daddy; he just really knows how much I enjoy my solitary walks in the Gardens." It was now time for Matthew to laugh a little. Seeing his mood so improved was a huge relief and it took Mary's mind off the trial even for a few seconds.

"Do you need to walk alone?" Matthew then asked. "Am I barging into your much-needed solitude?"

Mary half smiled, "I needed to get out from everyone. But _you _are not everyone, aren't you?" Her smile and her wink hinted that she was gently and politely flirting with him.

He looked at her with such wonder, almost even smiling with his eyes, and reached for her beautiful pale-skinned hand to stroke it gently. "I've missed you terribly," he whispered.

Mary chuckled. "It has been literally just something like 24-30 hours ago, tops!"

"Well I've missed you anyway," he kept smiling and caressing her hand.

"Do you mind if we walk for a bit? There's a place I really want to go to..."

"Sure," Matthew said, standing up and offering his hand. As Mary took it, he asked "Where is it exactly that you want to go?"

"I know it may sound silly at my age," she said as they started to walk around the pond, "but I always go by the Peter Pan statue when I come here." Matthew was listening carefully. "My grandfather used to bring me there every time we came to London. It was _our _thing and … it is my way to remember him."

Matthew paused for a few moments, but Mary then noticed a tiny smile curving his lips. "It's strange, but — I used to come here all the time, as well, with my Dad."

"Really?!" Mary gasped, pleasantly surprised.

"Yeah," Matthew nodded. "For all we know, we might have been here at the same moment as kids. We might have even looked at each other without knowing …"

As they walked over the pond's bridge and along the established paths of the park, a gentle breeze came creeping through the leaves of the tall trees. Matthew and Mary kept walking hand in hand without saying a word.

"Oh, this is so nice," Matthew said, at some point once they were near the statue.

"What is?" Mary asked curiously.

"Just … being able to walk like this … with you. You have no idea how much this makes me happy." Mary smiled broadly; she truly felt the same way. "You know, there's a song that actually comes to my mind at this moment," he grinned and slowly let go of her hand.

Mary didn't look at all convinced as Matthew appeared to be striking a pose. "What are you doing?" she asked, both amused and alarmed, watching to her right and left whether any people were witnessing his show.

"_Oh, it's a jolly holiday with Mary,_" he began to sing and dance, "_Mary makes your heart so light! When the day is grey and ordinary, Mary makes the sun shine bright!_" Matthew invited her to take his hand and walk to the rhythm of the Mary Poppins song.

Mary couldn't stop laughing. "Stop it!" She managed to say between her laughter, as he looked rather ridiculous.

"_When Mary holds your hand, you feel so grand! Your heart starts beating like a big brass band!_" Matthew kept singing and teasing her, and when they arrived to the statue, he made her spin with his hand only to hold her close to him at the end of the round.

Mary kept laughing as he finally finished his song. She started to say, "You are so—"

"_In love _with me?" He completed her sentence, with his face just a few inches away from her.

Mary fiercely held his flirtatious look and said, "I was gonna say _silly,_" she mocked him. "But I have to say I like your answer way more …"That was all it took to make Matthew want to eliminate the space between them. They held each other close under the Peter Pan statue and kissed passionately, almost desperately, and they only thought about parting when they felt something brushing against their legs. They looked down instantly and while Matthew looked puzzled and annoyed to find a white Labrador interrupting their kiss, Mary kneeled down to the dog and said:

"Isis! What are you doing here?" She cried, as the pup happily shook her tail.

"You know this dog?" Matthew asked.

Mary nodded. "It's my father's faithful dog. She hardly ever separates from h—," but her sentence was interrupted abruptly when Mary had lifted her gaze to see her father standing not too far from them. Matthew noticed his presence as well, and both of their faces went crimson red.

"I guess Rosamund was right after all," Robert said, breaking the embarrassing silence. Apparently Mary's Aunt hadn't kept her mouth shut at all.

"Lord Grantham I—" Matthew began.

"Please chap, don't waste your breath," Robert interrupted him. "I can't say that I am pleased to find out about you two like this, but for everyone's sake I'll leave things be for today at least. We will talk about it all when this is over," he stated firmly. Both Mary and Matthew nodded. Robert whistled and Isis quickly went back to his side. "I'm going to finish my walk with Isis. Mary, you should say goodbye and go back to your mother and sisters. We will all see each other in court."

"Alright Papa." Mary nodded.

As Robert started to walk away, Matthew shyly said, "Good Morning, Lord Grantham," and Robert simply nodded and followed the white Lab chasing one of her toys.

"I'm so sorry." Mary apologized, squeezing his hand.

"Don't be. I am sorry that he had to find out this way; now you will have to deal with him, too."

"He would've found out eventually. We'll just need to gather his approval, that's all," she teased.

"Shouldn't be too hard, should it?" Matthew began. "It's not like I have a kid with another woman!" The words came out bitter and unexpected.

Mary's expression changed completely. "You shouldn't be too hard on Lavinia, I already told you."

"Shouldn't I? I don't see why I should be nice to her, either, and I don't get why you are being so understanding of her. She doesn't deserve it. She is the cause of all the pain we've been through!"

"Matthew, I don't see it like that" Mary explained. "She has a lot to do with it, but ultimately we made the mistake of not being honest with each other. If we had been honest about everything, if I had been honest about being Mary Crawley from the beginning, then maybe we wouldn't have suffered either. What Lavinia did was unforgivable, but she came clean. We are together now and that is all that really matters. Lavinia made a huge mistake and you can be sure she's paying the consequences, even without you being rude to her. And I'm sorry if you don't agree with me, but I won't cast her away or blame her for everything, not when she has given birth to that sweet, sweet little girl, who is an innocent and the identity of her ruthless father will haunt her whole life long. You loved Millie too, I know you'll understand."

Matthew listened carefully to every word Mary spoke. He had to let go of his rage to fully comprehend her reasons. "But it's because I love Millie that it hurts so much," he tried to explain.

Mary caressed his cheek gently. "You have every right in the world to feel so angry and betrayed. God knows I felt that too when Lavinia told me. But we have to be understanding if we want that little girl to have the life she deserves after all. We have to be nice to Lavinia and simply appreciate the fact that we are indeed together, against all odds."

Just as Mary finished her statement, Matthew quickly brought his lips to hers. "If you ever wonder why I love you so much, there you have your answer."

Mary smiled and tasted his lips once more. "I love you too, Matthew Crawley".

* * *

When the time came, Mary had to walk out the front door of Grantham House. Cora handed her a pair of sunglasses and held her hand tightly as the door opened. As the blinding flashes of all the reflex cameras were directed at Mary's face, she felt her mother on one side and her father on the other. Despite how frustrating the situation was, in that moment she felt so loved and so grateful. Her sisters followed behind them, and the paparazzi came flashing them too, asking all sorts of questions. As the family finally reached their car, Mary knew that today would be a game-changing day for all of them. She knew that she had to play her cards well to make sure her family wouldn't live through another day like this ever again.

As she exited the black car and recognized the tall building housing the Court, another wave of flashes and intrusive questions overwhelmed her. Mary looked at her father and couldn't believe how brilliantly he was holding his temper. He was known for not being able to contain himself when he was being disrespected, but he was obviously restraining for the sake of his daughter. Luckily photographers weren't allowed inside the court house. As the family removed their sunglasses they saw Rosamund and Violet coming towards them. Violet seemed way too nervous to use her cane and was walking at an unusual velocity. Mary was glad that Aunt Rosamund had Granny picked up several hours ago from Grantham House; otherwise, she would've had to endure the paparazzi as well.

"How are you my dears?" The old woman asked and caressed Mary's arm. "Mary?"

"I'm fine Granny, thank you." Mary smiled, sincerely grateful.

"Speak for yourself," Edith snorted. "I feel like my eyesight will suffer permanent damage!"

"Nobody asked you to come," Mary replied bitterly.

"Girls, please! Settle down." Robert scolded them.

"That — lawyer of yours is already inside," Rosamund informed Mary and shot an all-knowing look at Robert. Mary let out a deep sigh and searched for Sybil's gaze in support.

"Mary!"The whole Crawley family turned around to the main door and saw a couple walking towards them.

"Guys! Good morning!" Mary greeted them and hugged Anna tightly.

"It's going to be alright," she whispered in Mary's ear and then hugged both Sybil and Edith before greeting everyone else.

"Hello my dear chap," Robert greeted John with a friendly pat on his back. "Cora, Mama, Rosamund, this is Lieutenant John Bates, the soldier who saved my life all of those years ago."

Both Anna and Mary smiled as Cora cheerfully greeted John and looked very happy to meet him. "We called Matthew before coming here," Anna informed them. "He told us we can go in now if we want to."

"He seems to be very popular, _this Matthew,_" Rosamund commented.

"Oh please Rosamund," Violet cried. "Save your snarky comments for your book club," she said sharply, causing Sybil's immediate laughter. As Robert rolled his eyes, Violet took Mary's arm and said "Let's go inside, my dear. I can hardly stand on my feet anymore for the anticipation."

The whole family nodded and they went straight for the room Rosamund had already identified. It was a normal court room with wooden benches and the big Judge's desk on the opposite side of the entrance. To their great surprise, the Crawleys noticed that the room wasn't as empty as they had expected. On the left side there seemed to be all of the legal entourage of the Accusation, complete with representatives from the Turkish Embassy and many translators. On the right side, Mary spotted Matthew and his collaborators almost instantly, but she wasn't sure of the identity of all of the people sitting in the back seats. As Matthew approached them, tall and handsome in his morning suit, Mary realized that those people were journalists. They were not from the tabloids, of course, but that didn't mean they weren't pretty interested in printing an Exclusive as well. They weren't allowed to use cameras, but that didn't stop them from overwhelming Mary with questions and comments.

"I already told you that Miss Crawley is not granting any interviews at the moment. Don't make me have to report you." Matthew came to her rescue. He guided the family to the first row on the right side of the room and seated them after introducing his staff. "Are you alright?" He whispered in Mary's ear sweetly. He hoped no one would notice him caressing the back of her hand.

"I'm okay," she whispered back. "Your visit this morning really did calm me," she smiled.

Matthew locked eyes with her and tried fiercely to resist the urge to kiss her and make a complete fool of himself in front of her whole family. Luckily someone caught his eye and interrupted his train of thought. "Here, I really should introduce you to the Pamuks."

Mary followed him, but even if she knew it was good custom to make their acquaintance, she couldn't help feeling uncomfortable at the idea. It felt so strange to shake the hands of the people who knew so well the man who had died in her bed. A man that she had shared a very intimate moment with, maybe the most intimate moment of her life; a man she had given her virginity to. But in reality she knew nothing about Kemal, nothing at all. In that moment, meeting the eyes of his distressed mother, Mary felt incredibly guilty, even if now she clearly understood that his death wasn't her fault at all.

"Mary, these are Nazim and Fatma Pamuk, Kemal Pamuk's parents."

"How do you do, Mr. and Mrs. Pamuk. My name is Mary Crawley."

While Mrs. Pamuk seemed eager to say something to Mary, to almost apologize for how things had turned out, Mr. Pamuk promptly prevented her from doing so and shook Mary's hand coldly. The members of the Turkish Embassy didn't seem interested to meet Mary, and Matthew said it was best not to push any further. They sat at the Defence desk and reviewed once again their plan of action, but concentrating wasn't simple since more and more people kept pouring through the door. Valery arrived and Mary decided to introduce her to her family and friends. The biggest surprise was when Lavinia entered the room and quickly approached Mary and Matthew. Anna and Sybil witnessed carefully the scene in front of their eyes, and while Edith simply couldn't understand Anna's and Sybil's animosity, Robert was starting to put the pieces together.

"Lavinia," Matthew sighed. "What are you doing here?" He didn't mean to sound harsh, but his feelings betrayed him.

"I wanted to be here for Mary" _and for you, _she wanted to say, but she didn't dare to speak the words.

Mary smile and nodded. "It's very nice of you," she said politely. "Where is the little angel?" She asked.

"She is in the house here in London with her grandfather and the nanny," Lavinia smiled, "oh and..." she turned to face Matthew, "My father really wishes you luck for today."

Matthew swallowed nervously. "Well, thank him for me. I — I'm sorry but I really have to go check something now." He patted Mary's arm gently and went to talk with Valery.

"He'll come around, I promise." Mary reassured the redhead.

"Honestly, I really can't blame him if he won't," Lavinia admitted. "But I'm really glad things are okay between us."

Mary smiled politely; using the word _okay_ was maybe an exaggeration, but she had realized that hating someone was far more consuming than actually let things go. The awkward silence about to creep in was luckily interrupted by someone who Mary had noticed coming in.

"Evelyn!" She called him and the young man waved at her, but hinted he was going to greet Kemal's family for a moment. When he was done he quickly approached Mary. "It's very nice to see you," Mary began, "How are you?"

"It's nice to see you too, Mary. Well, I can't complain. I learned today I'm gonna be doing my master's degree at Cambridge. It's a nice step up from St Andrews!"

"I'm so happy for you." Mary replied cheerfully. "And I really appreciate you being here, testifying and everything..."

"Honestly I really did feel like I have no choice. Despite everything I really owe it to both you and Kemal to make the truth come out. I don't think he would have wanted you at the center of an international conspiracy." Evelyn patted her shoulder gently and Mary almost chuckled when she noticed Matthew's jealous expression in the distance.

"Oh, I almost forgot!" she said at some point. "This is Lavinia Swire. She is a — _friend _of mine … She is a Cambridge alumna herself," Mary mumbled.

"Oh, splendid!" Evelyn said. "My name is Evelyn Napier, nice to meet you," he introduced himself. "Mary and I go way back..." he started to explain.

"Well, I'm really sorry but it seems I have to leave you for now," Mary apologized.

"Oh Mary, don't worry!" Lavinia cried.

"We all can imagine how busy you are." Evelyn reassured her.

Mary quickly reached Matthew, and Robert followed her with his eyes. He was way too nervous to simply sit there and wait alongside his family. He stood at the back of the room, watching everything from a distance. He couldn't believe that in a few moments the destiny of his little girl would be decided. She who was his favourite (although he could never admit it), who was so young and destined to do so many things. One tiny mistake could probably jeopardize her whole life, or maybe haunt her for a really long time. Many thoughts circled Robert's mind in that moment … What if she didn't win the trial? And what if she did? The notoriety would accompany anyway, wherever she might go. Was there a good way to use that? Was there a chance to make her life in Oxford possible again? Robert pondered what Oxford had brought to his daughter's life. She obviously hadn't had the same experience there that he had. If anything, Oxford had contributed to making friendships with the lower classes, finding her sister a revolutionary boyfriend, and getting romantically involved with the lawyer that Robert hired for the case. But when Robert looked at Mary now, he didn't see the stubborn little girl who wanted to learn to ride a proper horse although she wasn't tall enough. No, what he saw now was a beautiful young woman who hadn't let life crush her, but had faced the storm and would emerge from it even stronger and braver. He was both sad and proud to see his little girl slipping out of his grasp.

"Cora tells me that you found confirmation of my suspicions," Rosamund approached him without taking her eyes off Mary and Matthew.

Robert couldn't bring himself to being entirely cool with seeing Matthew caressing his daughter so deliberately, even if he thought that no one would notice. "I can't say I'm elated by the situation, but I believe we have much more important matters to worry about right now."

"Robert, I only worry about your daughter's future. She's not a little girl anymore; we can't let everything slide!"

"What are you worrying about, Rosamund?" Violet's severe voice startled them.

"Mama!" Robert cried. "You shouldn't be on your feet!"

"I'm sorry Robert, but I could smell from the distance that my daughter was up to no good," she snorted. "I simply had to intervene!"

"That is not true, Mama," Rosamund replied. "I was merely expressing my disapproval of Mary's taste in men."

Violet glanced at Mary and noticed her hand intertwined with Matthew's. She smiled a little to herself but didn't let her children notice. "Well … I would say her judgement has improved since the incident with the Turk!"

"But what is the point of going to Oxford if not to find a rich, blazoned husband? She deserves so much more!"

Robert rolled his eyes at his sister's superficial statement. Violent couldn't let it pass. "Rosamund, darling … not everyone wishes to marry for money these days." Her tone was sharp and hit Rosamund in the gut.

"Whatever!" she responded, annoyed. "For what it's worth, I don't think Matthew will ever make something of himself!" Rosamund sighed and left her brother with their mother.

"Classic Rosamund. Still trying to get Mary to marry someone rich, even in a court house!" Violet cried as Robert chuckled.

"You didn't need to come, you know," he said. "You should have stayed in Yorkshire. I can see you are very tired."

"You know I wouldn't leave our Mary alone at a time like this. What kind of grandmother would I be?"

"She wouldn't have blamed you for it."

"Regardless … I wanted to be here," Violet stated, and when she realized Robert was still looking at his daughter with the lawyer, she said, "What do you think of him?"

Robert gave a quick look at his incredibly observant mother and sighed. "I don't know what to think right now. Honestly I liked him very much when he came to Downton in January. That was before I knew about the real relationship he had with my daughter."

"Then you have been a little blind, even then," Violet teased. "What I couldn't understand was how anyone could prefer that pale blonde thing to Mary. I'm glad Matthew came to his senses."

Robert grinned. "I suppose I have to find my peace with it," he stated. "It would have probably been easier to bring up girls in the twenties … those were simpler times."

"Oh, I wouldn't be so sure about that. You wouldn't believe the stories my mother-in-law told me about her sisters. I guess it's in the Crawley women's blood to be a little bit rebellious."

"Regardless, I surely prefer Mary's taste in men to Sybil's." Robert voiced, frustrated.

"I wasn't going to address that problem at all on this occasion. But if the train can't be stopped we have to find a way to minimize the damage. I have found some Bransons related to Lord Raven, and he studies at Oxford … I think we can work something with that."

Robert sighed heavily. "That makes Edith our only hope."

"Frankly, Robert, and I'm very sorry to say it, but at this rate we'll be lucky if she finds _any_ man. You have to teach that girl some tact."

When the arrival of the Judge and the Jury indicated that the trial was about to start, Robert walked his mother back to their seats. Matthew suggested that Mary take her seat as well, but Valery called her up for a moment.

"Hey," Mary said, "Is everything okay? Do I need to review any of my testimony?" She asked.

"No, no, no, it's fine. I know it's probably not the best time right now, but I wanted to know if I could talk to you on your own after this."

"Of course," Mary replied, puzzled. "Can I ask what is it about?"

"I read your journals and they were really good."

"I know you did," Mary said instantly. "I recognized a passage in the draft of the testimony you've sent me."

"No, that's not what I mean. I mean they are very well written. You have a gift, Mary."

"Thanks... I guess?"

"Look, I think it's not a secret that this trial will bring you some unwanted fame, regardless of the outcome." Mary nodded. "What I want to say is that I think we can use that to your advantage and get something good out of it. I have an experiment in mind that could grant you a tolerable time at Oxford next year..."

"I'm all ears." Mary became extremely curious, but Matthew called her and ordered that she sit down. It was time for the trial to begin. The Judge explained the case and let both the Accusation and the Defence get on with their initial pleas. Seeing Matthew so confident and professional made Mary very proud (and honestly turned her on quite a bit), but her daydreaming was halted when, after the first couples of witnesses, she was called to testify.

"My name is Lady Mary Crawley and just until a few days ago I've lived in Oxford under the alias of _Mary Levinson_. I had to use my mother's maiden name because the scandal would have made it absolutely impossible for me to have a normal university life at Oxford. Now before I give you my account of the night in question, I would like first and foremost to offer my sincerest condolences to Mr. and Mrs. Pamuk. There is not a day that passes when I don't think with sadness of such a young life taken from us too soon ….

_Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that the memory of that night doesn't pop up in my nightmares once in a while. The image of his exotic face so pale and his body so stiff, laying just a few inches away from me, will probably haunt me forever. What I am saying is that, however dreadful and shocking the event was, I really think it was a Butterfly Effect which made my life spin in a totally different direction. If that event had never happened, I would have gone to Oxford with my real name, become very popular, and hung out in the poshest clubs. I probably wouldn't have met my best friends. Things probably wouldn't have worked out, anyway, between Evelyn and me, but I could totally have seen myself becoming the trophy wife of some closeted homosexual Duke, or of some Baron with a strange addiction. As time helped me to understand that there was absolutely nothing I could have done to save Kemal, to prevent his dreary fate, I like to think that somehow this was Kemal's last gift to me. A way for him to give something back for what he had taken. So if you were to ask me whether I wish that that night had never happened, I will definitely answer no. I wouldn't take back that night for anything in the world. Because without that night, I would have never discovered the real meaning of friendship, the real meaning of love; I would have never found myself. Before you read any further I want you to understand the very same thing I realized when I was standing in front of the Judge and the Jury on that summer's day. That this is not the story of my life as Mary Levinson, but of how becoming that Mary has led me to finding __**Mary Crawley**_ _again. Not the first daughter of the Earl of Grantham, but the real Mary, who had been locked away for a long time before Kemal Pamuk ever crossed her path. That is why I want to dedicate this book to the people who helped me find the real Mary throughout this year: my family, my friends, and all of those people whose names I've changed for security reasons. But most importantly, I dedicate this book to my love, Matthew. It was falling in love with him that forced me to open myself up completely, to let my true feelings out, and to find that part of me which I thought was lost – until he found it. As the years go by I only wish that I could be the person I see reflected in Matthew's blue eyes. I wish I could be __**his**_ _Mary Crawley for all eternity, and not anyone else's version._"

Mary lifted her gaze from the book and panted at the loud sound of clapping which filled the room. After they won the trial, Valery had offered to publish Mary's full story in the form of an autobiography. She believed that the only way to control the multiple stories that were inevitably going to flow around after the trial would be if Mary were to tell her story herself. Mary had taken the opportunity, without thinking twice, especially since she could have imagined her family's perplexity. Valery's instinct had proven to be successful and Mary's book had climbed the Best Seller's List to the first place, in less than one week after the book's release. And it stayed in that spot for over one month.

To honour Mary's success the editors had organized a book-signing event at which Mary had to read an extract to the crowd. As the sound of the claps and cheers filled her ears, and the light of the spotlights almost blinded her eyes, Mary stood up and smiled shyly, taking in the applause. Before the host came on stage to introduce her once again, Mary looked in the crowd searching for familiar faces. She found Anna, John, William, Gwen, Daisy, Sybil, Edith … but there really was only one face she wanted to see. In the third row, not far from her friends and family, Mary finally found him. Matthew was smiling and clapping with everybody else, but when Mary got a good look of him she realized he was crying. She instantly found his eyes and saw them looking at her moved and proud. As their eyes locked, he mouthed breathlessly _I love you_. And from the way Mary looked at her Matthew in that moment, nothing and no one could ever doubt she loved him as well.

**THE END**

_A/N: So. I hope this chapter makes you happy (if not I know the epilogue will) and serves your dedication right. I promise you that the story took the direction I had planned and that I haven't been influenced by anything or anyone to cut it short._

_Please please please, let me know what you think!_


	16. Epilogue : 2016

_A/N: Ok … Here we go! Can't say I'm not a little sad to finally have reached the ending. I won't say much just now, I'll save the goodbyes after you've read the epilogue._

_The only thing I want to do first is thanking my wonderful beta Joyce (**jmu**), who has helped me through the last half of the fic and has proven to be also a very very nice person to talk to, especially about Downton and Dan Stevens :P . I'm so glad she'll be joining me in my new fanfiction The Lawyer from Manchester._

_But now just enjoy the very end of this story!_

**EPILOGUE: April 2016.**

Matthew removed his reading glasses and massaged his temples carefully. He had found out that in the office of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, there was never a dull moment, or at least, not a recreational one. He looked once again at the pile of papers on his desk and let out a deep sigh. He was so stressed out. The worst part of all of this (or the ironic part, as someone had suggested) was that even the Minister himself had suggested he should take it slower, since he had had a tremendous start in that position. But Matthew's work ethic had preferred to work as hard as he could since he was going to be taking almost a whole month off. He opened the drawer searching for an aspirin, but without any success. When the phone on his desk rang so loudly, startling him, Matthew voiced his daily cursing against technology. If it wasn't clear enough, he was very _very _stressed out.

Before lifting the receiver, Matthew looked at the tiny green light. It informed him the call was coming from his assistant's line. "Hello?"

"Mr. Crawley?" The assistant said in her hoarse voice.

"Yes Gwen, what is it?" Matthew knew Gwen from Oxford, yet he still couldn't understand why the redhead couldn't call him Matthew like all of Mary's friends did.

"I know you told me not to disturb you this week, to let in your office only the Minister himself, but—," Gwen sounded a little scared. It was her first week working there, after all.

"But what?"

"I'm very sorry, Mr. Crawley! I tried to keep her from coming in! It won't happen again!"

"Gwen, calm down! Nobody's gonna fire you over this! Now tell me, who's the insistent guest?" He asked, although he already had some ideas.

"It's Miss Madison, sir. She says it can't wait!" Gwen sounded defeated.

Matthew chuckled. He couldn't blame Gwen; he knew very well how hard it was to reason with his old college pal. She was perhaps the most stubborn person he had ever met. Well, maybe the _second most stubborn_ person. Matthew had happily been dating the most stubborn one for five years now.

"Oh _Matthew._" Valery made her entrance. "You should really open that window. This place looks and _smells _like a cave."

"Good Morning to you too, Val!" He cried ironically, growling about the light streaming through the French windows. "To what do I owe the _pleasure_ of this visit?"

Valery stopped instantly; she looked at him very perplexed, almost angry. "Does that mean you don't remember what happens today?!"

Matthew gave his friend a puzzled look. The answer to that question was obviously _No, I don't remember_. But then Valery's look became more intrusive than ever and the realization hit Matthew hard. "Oh God, is _that_ today?!" He snorted. "I thought it was on Wednesday!"

"It _is_ Wednesday!" Valery cried, annoyed.

"Oh … I'm sorry!" He sighed. "You know I've been overworking myself lately. It just that this job — you can never really get a break. And _my head_ is killing me!"

Valery opened her purse quickly and took out a bottle of aspirins. "Here," she threw it at him, "Now you don't have any excuses."

Matthew caught the bottle and helped himself. "But — do I really have to do this?!"

"Yes. You gave confirmation and now you must do it!"

"Please remind me why I ever agreed to do this?"

"Because you love Mary so much and you would do anything for her?" Valery said in a quirky tone.

_Of course. _How could he ever disagree with that statement? As much as the annoying commitment interfered with his Stakhanovism, the thought of seeing Mary in the afternoon totally brightened up his day. After making it through that awfully painful but also memorable year which 2011 had been, Matthew and Mary had never left each other's side. It hadn't been easy all of the time, especially when his contract as Professor Murray's assistant had expired. They even had to do the long- distance thing when Matthew had had to go to work in London while Mary was in her graduation year. But that didn't mean those hadn't been the best five years of Matthew's life. Looking back he had to admit that his life, from an outsider's point of view, hadn't changed much. He had been working hard to go further in his career, he had had to make time to see his mother, he had a long- term girlfriend. But saying that his life hadn't changed much couldn't have been farther from the truth. It was a matter of perception. If he thought about his pre-Oxford days, he could only think of the dreadful feeling of being trapped, of the awful pointlessness which accompanied each of his days. That was not how he felt now, no … Because from the moment he had laid his eyes on Mary, the world had stopped spinning. Everything had just fallen into the right place. No day was hard enough, boring enough, or sad enough, because if he got to wake up next to Mary and watch her matted hair and her grumpy expression in the morning, then there could be absolutely no day which wasn't worth living.

"At what time shall I be there?" Matthew gave up.

Valery's expression lit up. "The photo shoot starts at 3 pm, so I suggest you get a move on after lunch. And please … have a shower!" This was more of an order than a suggestion.

"Alright. Leave the address with my assistant."

"Okay, but do tell her that you told me to. She doesn't seem like she trusts me much!"

Matthew chuckled. "Will do. Now please leave my office, so I can get some work done today!"

Valery giggled and blew him a kiss, theatrically as usual. As soon as she left the building, Matthew alerted Gwen of his commitment in the afternoon.

When his assistant called him for the lunch break, Matthew left his office without thinking twice about it and wished everybody in the department a good day. Before actually leaving the building to make a quick stop to his flat, he managed to give Gwen the rest of the day off. He was used to working long hours, but he rarely had time to think about how much he must have overworked his assistant, as well.

"Thank you, Mr. Crawley." Gwen said, recovering her purse and walking with him out of the Ministry's building.

"Gwen, I've told you ten times already, call me Matthew! We've known each other for years - you tasted my terrible cooking multiple times in Oxford!"

Gwen chuckled shyly; she did remember an awful lasagne. "I know, Mr. — Matthew … It's just that I really think this is an opportunity for me, working here … and I really feel uncomfortable calling you by your first name in there."

"I guess you're right," he smiled. "I will let this go. As long as you call me Matthew outside of the building." Gwen smiled and nodded. "I really need to go now, or else heads will roll!"

"Say hi to Mary for me," she understood perfectly. "I can't possibly wait until next week." Gwen smiled broadly.

Matthew laughed nervously, "Imagine how I feel!" He joked. "Anyway, of course I'll say hi to Mary for you. I'll see you tomorrow, then."

"Till tomorrow, Matthew!" Gwen cried cheerfully and waved as she disappeared into the corner of the street.

Matthew went to the nearest tube station and reached his flat to have a shower and a bite to eat. He had to admit he wasn't at all sad to be giving up this small flat. He had had it since his contract in Oxford had ended and it reminded him of those first nights without Mary, after the two blissful years they'd spent together. With time, the place had managed to produce some good memories (the first time Mary came to visit, the first time they celebrated their anniversary in London, the first night Mary had officially moved to the city), but Matthew wasn't sad at all to finally move on.

He felt incredibly nervous when he had to walk through the door of that building in the afternoon. Valery had also told Gwen which floor he had to go to, but Matthew preferred to ask the front desk, just to be sure. When the woman with the funny accent and flirty attitude confirmed which floor, Matthew escaped as quickly as he could to find an available lift.

"Matthew, here you are!" Valery greeted him, looking always in a hurry. "Let me introduce you to Mr. Michael Gregson, the Editor-in-Chief of the magazine!" She said, as she escorted him through the room.

Matthew shook his hand. "Nice to meet you, Mr. Gregson!" He looked like a very nice man.

"Mr. Crawley! It's such an honour to meet you! I hope the Ministry is managing alright in your absence!"

Matthew chuckled, "They'll survive for an afternoon."

When their conversation ended and Mr. Gregson was distracted by his employees, Matthew looked for Valery again and asked her, "Has she arrived?"

"Yes, of course! She's in the dressing room, and she's probably waiting for you!"

Valery smiled as Matthew quickly ran in the dressing room's direction, hardly able to contain his anticipation. The dressing room was huge, but for Matthew it wasn't hard to spot Mary. He would've recognized those brown locks and alabaster skin anywhere. He was facing her back and it looked like she was having a very animated conversation with an intern. Trying to make as little noise as possible, Matthew reached her back and locked his arms around her waist.

As she gasped, he mumbled, "I've missed you so much," and sunk his face in the curve of her neck.

"I've missed you too." Mary whispered lovingly and turned her face to finally meet his. She really needed to get lost in those blue eyes for a moment. Matthew grinned and immediately brought his face close to hers for a kiss. "Ah ah!" Mary stopped him, placing a finger on his lips.

"What?!" He asked disappointed.

"They just did my make up!" She explained quite amused.

Matthew snorted. "But I haven't seen you in a week! Don't be so mean!" He whined.

"You know I had to go to Yorkshire to see if _everything _was going fine!" Their eyes locked and Mary was so happy that his expression seemed just as thrilled. "By the way," she changed subject, "What is it with this scruffy beard?" She cried, caressing his cheek.

"You abandoned me and I decided to let it grow wild and free!" He teased.

"Nice try," she teased back, "But I'm afraid it'll be short lived." She turned her head and called, "Ivy, come here!" The hairdresser came running. "When you do his hair, please make the beard disappear, won't you?"

"Of course, Miss Crawley," she chuckled.

"What?!" Matthew asked, puzzled. "I thought I was here for an interview, an Exclusive or something."

"I'm pretty sure I told you that there was a photo shoot involved."

"Yes, but I thought they were going to photograph you! Not me, too!"

Mary laughed. "Darling, _I_ am _getting married_ to _you_. It only makes sense that they want a picture of us together."

Matthew snorted once again, causing Mary to laugh wholeheartedly. "Alright," he gave in, "But you understand that I totally deserve a kiss for this, right?"

Mary surveyed his naughty look and curved her lips in a smile. What a lovely bastard. "I guess I can always put the lipstick back on. Now shut up and kiss me before I get cross." Matthew surely didn't need to be asked twice.

When they both were made ready in beautiful clothes, the photo shoot started. Matthew felt very uncomfortable at first, but when the photographer suggested that he just look at Mary, he realized this wasn't a hard job after all.

"Now pretend you are talking to each other," the photographer requested.

"Well," Matthew began, still holding her close to him, "How are you feeling, _future Mrs. Crawley?_" When he thought about that sentence, he frowned, but Mary laughed. "Don't you find it odd that we have the same last name? I can't believe we've never actually dwelled on that."

"I have to say I find it kind of empowering that I don't have to change my name for you," she teased him.

"Do you, huh?"

"But I wouldn't be a _Mrs. _without you, would I?"

"I guess you wouldn't," Matthew whispered with a grin, and the urge to kiss her became almost irresistible.

"You know, I have invited Mr. Gregson to the wedding!"

"Huh?" Matthew looked puzzled "Sure he looks like a nice man, but I thought you had closed the Guest List!"

"But it is for Edith, silly!" Mary explained. Her sister had recently been dumped by her boyfriend, Anthony Strallan. Edith had been so crazy about her father's friend that she hadn't cared about the age difference and had almost burned all bridges with her family because of it. But just after her graduation, Anthony had decided to leave her for no apparent reason.

"Mmm, you know... they might actually be a good match!"

When the torture was finally over, Mary and Matthew were allowed to change clothes and had to sit with the journalist who was going to interview them. Matthew arrived first, and just after a polite chat, Mary reached them as well.

"Well, first of all, I want to thank you for being here!"

"Thank you for having us!" Mary answered professionally.

"We wanted to do this Exclusive on your wedding because when your book came out five years ago, many people got so invested in it, and especially in your love story," Both Mary and Matthew blushed. "I guess it gives hope to people to know that... real-life fairy tales can actually have a happy ending." Matthew looked at Mary with such wonder. "My question is, when the book came out shortly after the famous Grantham-Pamuk trial, did you expect all of this success?"

"Well, of course not!" Mary chuckled, "I was very nervous about writing about my personal life so directly, but I figured that since I was going to be the subject of many versions of my story, that maybe I should be the one to tell it!"

"But this involved you also, Matthew. How did you feel about it?"

"I was never really opposed to it. I was more worried about whether Mary was ready to do something like that, to show so much of herself. I obviously had no idea that people would become passionate about our relationship."

"But given your career, it must certainly be tricky to be notorious. I mean, in Mary's book we see you as a promising lawyer who also is an assistant professor, but now you work for the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. You've had quite a long run; what has that been like? What does the Minister think about your famous past?"

"You know, it's funny actually … He mentioned Mary's book the first time we had met. I was incredibly nervous, but he simply had a laugh and told me that his daughter was a huge fan of the book and asked if both Mary and I would autograph it."

"Now, in this autobiography we see a whole different side of Lady Mary Crawley. We see a vulnerable, brave girl who gets reminded of which things really matter in life, separate from the splendour of her earlier life. Now you are a successful woman, who has a bestselling book and a magazine, all on her own at the age of 25. We could say that you have learned what it means to build something on your own."

"Yes," Mary smiled, "I guess you could say that."

"But from what I've heard, your wedding is going to be huge, in the very fashion which characterizes your family's social status. People say this is the biggest wedding England will see after William's and Kate's. What is the pressure for you, Matthew?"

Matthew chuckled. "Well, as you know I fell in love with a sweet Oxford freshman, but as I got to know her and love her all the more, I knew from the moment that I proposed her that Mary was never going to marry "on the cheap!" He teased his fiancée.

The interview went on, and facts and laughs were shared. It came time to ask the final question. "Now Mary, if Matthew agrees, we would like to know how he had asked you to marry him."

Mary hesitated and looked at Matthew to seek confirmation. He smiled and nodded. "It was the day of my sister's — Edith's — graduation. She went to Christ Church just like me; well … she actually got to live at the college, but anyway … Matthew and I went together and when everything was over we decided to stay a little longer in the dining hall. It was a place so dear to us …"

_Even the last few people had finally left the dining hall. At some point Robert had come back to look for them, but Mary assured him that she and Matthew would be coming in just a few minutes. Matthew took her hand as they walked slowly through the empty hall in silence. Mary looked at him and could see that something was on his mind. He kept walking until they were standing just below the Alice in Wonderland's windows that Mary loved so much. Without saying a word Matthew took her in his arms and held her tightly. Mary closed her eyes and breathed in, letting the warmth of his chest and the smell of his cologne overtake her._

"_You know," she began whispering, "Sometimes I wish we could just go back here. That there wouldn't have been any job promotions, contracts, book tours... I wish we didn't have to grow up." When Matthew let her go, Mary simply stared at the pretty coloured windows so high above them. "I suppose, one can't help growing older," she said in the end._

"_**One can't, perhaps**__,_" _Matthew whispered, "__**but two can.**_" _He said the latter part with much more conviction._

_Mary instantly recognized the line from Lewis Carroll's Through the Looking Glass. She giggled, but wasn't quite sure why Matthew was being so clever. That's why, when she turned her head and saw him on one knee, holding a small velvet box, she couldn't help gasping. Before she realized what was actually going on, she felt her eyes tearing up._

"_Lady Mary Crawley," Matthew began with his voice shaking, "Will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?" He opened the small box to show her the ring, but it didn't matter because Mary had already thrown herself in his arms._

"_Yes!" she simply replied, before the tears of joy overwhelmed her._

* * *

In the big hall of Downton Abbey, just a week later, the Earl of Grantham, Robert Crawley, was pacing the big room back and forth. He was so nervous, he could feel his forehead starting to sweat.

"M'lord?" He heard Carson's deep voice behind him. He looked just as nervous.

"Yes Carson?"

"The driver is still waiting for her Ladyship, Lady Edith, Lady Sybil, and Miss Anna."

"I'm afraid they're still upstairs, but it won't be long. _I hope_." Carson bowed his head and ran to inform the driver. Just as Carson had left the room, Robert noticed his wife and his two youngest daughters coming down the big staircase with Doctor Clarkson.

"Is she alright?" Robert asked Sybil, seeing that Edith and Cora were walking Doctor Clarkson out.

"She's brilliant!" Sybil cried, smiling broadly. "Although it seems we're all very late, so Matthew must be very nervous right now!" She chuckled.

"Nobody told him that she wasn't feeling well? I don't want the poor chap to worry."

"We all agreed to keep it to ourselves. Otherwise, Mary would've killed us." Robert chuckled, but Sybil noticed something else. "What is it, Papa?"

Robert sighed. "Don't you think she's just too young to get married?" He whined, "Who gets married at 25 anymore?!"

"Papa, they love each other and they're both successful. Plus, they've been together for five years; it was about time!"

Robert pondered his daughter's words. He did understand, but another realization suddenly hit him/ "But— you and Tom have been together for five years, as well, please don't tell me—"

Sybil burst out laughing, "Please Dad, come on! Do you see us as even remotely ready to get married? I haven't even finished Med School!"

"Well, that makes me feel a tiny bit better. Even if not being married hasn't stopped you from living together!"

"Must we really do this right now, _again_? Plus … Do you really believe Mary and Matthew have spent every night in their own separate flats, over all these years?" That question really undermined Robert. "Oh, poor Daddy!" Sybil kissed him on his cheek. "I love how you can be so naïve sometimes!" And as she pronounced those words she was called by Carson. As Sybil reached her mother and sister in the car, Carson reached Robert in the hall.

All the things he was worrying about before and after he had talked with Sybil simply vanished when Robert lifted his gaze and saw his beautiful little girl on the top of the stairs. She looked simply stunning. She started to descend the grand staircase with the biggest smile on her face, while Anna was holding her veil behind her. It was in that moment that Robert realized that all of the questions and problems he had created in his mind were consequences of this one, huge recognition: Mary was no longer his little girl. In just a few hours she would be Matthew's wife, and Robert will cease to be the most important man in her life. Only when he felt his cheeks wet did he notice that he was crying. Robert turned to Carson and realized that he was just as moved and stunned by Mary.

"I said I didn't want any tears at my wedding!" She joked as she bid Anna goodbye and took her father's arm.

"I'm sorry dear, I'm afraid I can't seem to control myself. Now let's get you to the church or Matthew will think you've run!"

* * *

It was nearly time for the ceremony to begin and the church was almost filled. Once again, Matthew asked Tom for the time. He knew that Mary loved to be fashionably late, but that certainly didn't make him feel any less nervous. Many more guests were arriving and wishing him luck, and Matthew felt the basic need to search for his mother's eyes. Her smile told him that everything was going to be alright.

"Matthew! Matthew! Matthew!" He turned almost instantly; he could have recognized that vibrant voice anywhere.

"Ssssh! Millie! We're in a church!" Lavinia scolded the little girl, as she and Evelyn caught up to her. Evelyn promptly lifted her in his arms.

"Hello!" Matthew greeted them cheerfully. "Who is that, if not the prettiest flower girl in the whole wide world?" Millie blushed, causing the three adult to laugh "Lavinia, Evelyn, it's so nice to see you, thank you for being here!"

"We wouldn't have missed it for the world!" Lavinia cried sincerely, and intertwined her fingers with Evelyn's. The daylight made their wedding rings shine.

"Daddy?" Millie asked Evelyn.

"Yes, dear?"

"Can I tell Matthew a secret? You mustn't hear!"

"Of course! Matthew...?"

"Sure." Matthew chuckled and welcomed her in his arms. "Come here!"

The little girl spoke in Matthew's ear and covered her mouth with her tiny hand. Lavinia and Evelyn giggled. "You know, Matthew," she began, "I saw Mary before!"

"Did you?"

"Yes," she continued in her hushed voice. "She looked like a princess in a fairy tale!"

"Oh really? I wish I could see her too!"

Millie nodded. "When I grow up, I want to be just like her!" She said, and then brought her tiny finger to his lips to swear him to secrecy.

Not far them Lady Violet was sitting next to her daughter, Lady Rosamund. "I have to admit, that that is a precious little girl," the old Countess said, looking at Matthew with Lavinia's daughter.

"Please Mama, don't let me think about it!" Rosamund said annoyed.

"Why?"

"Because … How come a "nobody" has married the son of a Lord? She also convinced him to adopt her daughter!"

"Why do you care, Rosamund? Do you still think that Matthew isn't worthy of Mary?"

"It's not that—"

"Must I remind you that you thought _he was never going to make something of himself,_ and now he works for the Ministry of Foreign Affairs? He might even become Minister himself, one day!"

"Whatever! I'm going to have a look around. Mary told me she has invited a man to introduce to Edith; I should go check that out."

Violet watched her daughter standing up and noticed Cora and her granddaughters entering. Cora smiled broadly at Matthew to reassure him that Mary was on her way. Matthew took a deep breath and nodded in gratitude. It was almost time for everyone to take their places.

Cora took a seat beside her mother-in-law, after reassuring her own mother who was theatrically speaking with some of the guests. Cora looked at the seat next to her and asked, "Where is Rosamund?"

"Licking her wounds I suppose." Violet answered in her sharp voice. For this time, Cora decided to only chuckle in response. "I was just noticing what a precious little girl that is." Violet said, watching Sybil and Anna walking Millie and her basket full of rose petals to the back of the room.

That statement truly surprised Cora, and she felt as though she couldn't keep this information to herself: "Well Mama … It looks like it won't be long before a new baby Crawley is wandering around Downton."

Violet's jaw dropped, "Heavens! Does this mean...?"

"Mary's pregnant, yes!" Cora said with a big smile.

"Oh dear, for a moment I thought you were talking about Sybil!"

Cora chuckled. "No, no, you don't have to worry about that!"

"Well, does he know?" Violet asked, watching Matthew taking his position at the altar. He was a bundle of nerves.

"No! We just found out! Mary just found out! She wants to tell him tonight, after the wedding."

"Alright, so you know that you'd better not tell Rosamund, or your mother. What about Robert?"

Cora thought for a moment about how her husband might take the news. "I think we'd better make sure he walks Mary to the altar first." As she and Violet shared an understanding look, the music began.

The irregular, goofy steps of Millie were followed by Anna, Sybil, and Edith who were the bridesmaids. Behind them a very emotional Lord Grantham was walking his beautiful daughter dressed in white. Matthew felt Tom's hand hit his back hard, and swallowed nervously at the sight of so much beauty. As the music progressed, he watched Millie reaching the altar and turn to the right, finding her mother's arms. Anna, Sybil, and Edith went to stand on the bride's side. It was finally time for Mary to reach the altar. Robert let go gently of her arm and gave Matthew his blessing with his eyes. As the bride and groom came closer to each other, Matthew leaned to Mary's side and whispered:

"You came," he said and looked in front of him for a moment. "To be honest, I wasn't completely sure you would."

Mary looked at him for a brief moment and grinned. "I'm glad to hear it. I should hate to be predictable."

**END OF THE EPILOGUE**

_A/N: THANK YOU thank you thank you everybody who took the time to read my story and review it. Thank you for having had faith in me and just swallowed all the drama to get to the good stuff! I do hope you've enjoyed the story and my choice for the epilogue!_

_If anyone wants to read more of the silly things that come out of my head, check out the Lawyer from Manchester and if you also like Doctor Who, there's a CrossOver fanfiction I wrote a while ago called The Doctor, The Widow and Downton Abbey._

_Thank you for sticking with me! _

_X _

_Irene_


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